Having a selfish person in the family is difficult.
It’s very stressful, especially because they’re family, which means it’s harder to cut off contact with them than it would be with a toxic friend.
You may often feel like you’re an emotional dumpster absorbing all their trauma, because all they talk about is themselves and how hard their life is – but they never ask about you.
And you are forced to bear all this for the sake of the family.
Can you find the connection?
Well, if you can, read more below to find out if the family member you’re considering matches the 13 signs that someone in your family is extremely selfish.
1) They constantly talk about themselves in family meetings
The whole family reunion is all fun and games until that particular family member shows up.
It’s as if the whole world stops and every conversation turns into a monologue, because they’re the only ones talking.
This is a glaring sign that a family member is self-centered.
They are the stars of their own show, and everyone else at the dinner table is just an audience member.
You may find yourself nodding and smiling as they talk about their latest story, accomplishment, or even what they had for breakfast.
Related : If you recognize these 12 signs, you may have a toxic family
And it’s very stressful, because it ends up draining everyone in the room because they never ask how anyone else is doing.
2) They never ask how anyone is doing
We already know that a selfish person is someone who keeps talking about their life…and that always means everyone is just listening while they’re talking.
They never ask how anyone is doing, because they are the main character, everyone in the family is just supporting characters.
When you’re alone together, it can be stressful, because you’re forced to listen to everything they have to say.
And every time you try to get a word in, you find yourself being interrupted.
3) They interrupt other family members when they are talking
Being interrupted mid-sentence is never a pleasant experience, which is why it’s so difficult to be around selfish family members.
They often can’t resist the urge to step in and direct the conversation back to themselves.
Even when they occasionally listen to what you say, they will be quick to make it about themselves again.
No matter how exciting your story is, in their eyes, theirs is the trending story that everyone needs to hear.
It’s as if they hold the remote control for family discussions, and want everyone to listen carefully when they talk about themselves and themselves alone.
4) They want all the attention
Picture this: You’re sharing a story that you think is really interesting. It has everyone’s attention, and everyone is interested to see what happens next…
…until a family member steals the spotlight.
It’s as if you can hear a silent groan from everyone in the room when they do this, because the mood suddenly changes, and they’re the only ones who haven’t noticed.
This is because selfish family members crave all the attention.
They live as if there is a camera following them and closely documenting every detail of their lives.
Whether it’s wasting your parents’ time or gaslighting your siblings and cousins, they have a knack for making it all about them — and sometimes, even undermining other people’s achievements.
5) They undermine the achievements of others
When a family member is around, you find yourself unconsciously holding back from telling anyone else in the room about your accomplishments, because you feel like it’s harder to celebrate when they’re around.
That’s because selfish individuals have a way of subtly downplaying your accomplishments. It’s as if they can’t stand the idea of someone else being even slightly glamorous.
This behavior may make you feel like your accomplishments don’t matter, and that’s not fair.
When this happens, don’t force yourself to think that not being able to share is a problem for you — I mean, who would want to share their accomplishments when they know they’re bound to be undermined?
6) They are always a family problem
Whenever there is a hiccup, conflict, or even a simple disagreement in the family, it always seems to revolve around them.
It’s like they’re a magnet for drama, and it can be exhausting.
From small arguments to big issues, they are at the center, often causing divisions or making situations more complicated than they need to be.
Often times, it’s because they don’t listen when family disagrees with them.
7) They do not listen when the family does not agree with their decisions
A selfish family member believes that their way is the only way.
They are not open to other input or viewpoints, which can make family discussions seem more like a monologue. It is impossible to talk to them, because they do not listen.
Related : If someone displays these 17 behaviors, they’re playing mind games with you
They believe they are always right, and anyone who disagrees with them is automatically wrong, even if literally everyone disagrees with them.
8) They try to control family decisions
Because they believe they are always right, selfish family members always try to control the family’s decisions.
They often have a strong desire to control family decisions, from something as small as what to eat for dinner to something as serious as making big life choices.
It is already difficult to deal with this alone, and it becomes even more difficult when they are the favored family.
It can make you feel like your voice doesn’t matter, because they’re always the ones making decisions without considering what others want or need.
9) They do not consider the feelings of other family members
sympathy? This is not part of the vocabulary of a selfish family member.
They constantly do things that hurt or upset other family members without batting an eyelid.
It’s as if they don’t realize how their actions affect everyone else, or they simply don’t care.
You find it difficult to share your feelings when they are around, because you know they will only make an insensitive remark.
It always makes everyone feel ignored and unseen.
10) They believe that family rules do not apply to them
All families have rules, but for selfish family members, they don’t think any of them apply to them.
They are the brothers who do not follow the family curfew. They think they’re the punk rock cousin who never listens to adults.
But in reality, they are really just a pain for everyone.
When they are called out, they feel like they are being attacked, even when they are the ones who did the wrong thing in the first place.
11) They always ask for money from the family
Family always takes care of each other, that’s a given.
But as with any relationship, it should be give and take. If one of you takes more than he gives, he doesn’t care enough about you to take care of you.
This is often the case with selfish family members, even in financial matters.
They are always suffering, but they refuse to help themselves. But when others refuse to help them, they are called selfish.
Of course, financial difficulties can happen to anyone, but this is dangerous if they are constantly looking for financial help from family without making any effort to improve their situation.
It’s as if they treat the family like a bank, always ready to bail them out.
This can create stress and resentment, especially if you feel like your hard-earned money is being taken for granted.
12) They depend heavily on the family…
You may have noticed that they rely on family a bit.
They may need help with daily tasks, financial support, or even emotional comfort.
It’s as if they consider family to be their safety net, and no one else can help but support them because they are family (pointing).
But in any other scenario, they would be freeloaders.
While it’s natural for families to support each other, there comes a point where it can become overwhelming and one-sided, and unfair to everyone else involved.
13)…but they cannot be relied upon
Ironically, even though they depend on family, they are not the most reliable when it comes to giving.
Their relationships are a one-way street, even if they don’t realize it. They may even treat their partner and friends the same way they treat your family.
But a relationship becomes unfair when one takes more than one gives, because family is about loving and supporting each other – not loving and supporting one person who can’t care about either of you.
And can you really call a selfish person “family”, if they constantly ask for your support when they are struggling, but refuse help when you need it?
finalthoughts
It can be really difficult to deal with a selfish family member. I know it’s hard, but remember to set appropriate boundaries because your feelings and needs are important too.
At some point, you have to stop giving and giving, because it is an exhausting process. Don’t wait until you don’t have anything else to offer and they leave you because they think you don’t love them anymore.
Remember that other family members need your love and attention too, so don’t spend all your energy loving a family member who refuses to love themselves.
