It’s hard to break up with someone, but when it’s with a narcissist? You must have a plan ready otherwise things could go very wrong.

You see, narcissists like to be in control, expect admiration from you while giving nothing in return, lack empathy and all they want is to get what they want and feel superior. By breaking up with someone, you remove all the things they get off of.

When it’s time to break up with a narcissist, strategy is key. There are things you need to know about how to break up with a narcissist to protect yourself and come out with minimal damage.

Here are 11 crucial steps to follow when breaking up with a manipulative narcissist:

Try to distance yourself first

Before the actual breakup, there are strategies you can put in place to mitigate the shock. Narcissists love trophies and shiny things, and if they start to look, feel or act less shiny? It’s called the Gray Rock Method, and it involves making yourself as interesting as a gray rock. Talk about boring things like laundry or the weather, don’t be fooled when they try to provoke you, and even start dressing more revealingly than usual.

This may sound stupid, but narcissists love drama and attention, and if you don’t give them either, you’ll become less interesting, which makes the breakup part a little easier.

Reconnect with people outside your relationship
If you are dating a narcissist, there is a good chance that you are isolated from relationships outside of your marriage. This may be because your friends didn’t like your partner and you turned away from them to avoid criticism, or because your partner subtly tried to put a wedge between you and your support network.

Now is the time to start repairing those relationships. You will need good friends and strong supporters to help you through this breakup.

Honesty may not be the best policy
Don’t forget that narcissists are master manipulators, so it may be best not to be 100% honest about your reasons for breaking up with them. You know you’re leaving because this person has hurt you through their controlling, selfish, and possibly aggressive behavior, but accusing them of that could backfire badly. Talking about their mistakes will turn them on and lead to another one of those fights where they deflect, point out your mistakes and before you know it, you’re apologizing for being a terrible friend who has no idea how you got here.

Portraying the breakup as what’s best for both of you without blaming him will make it difficult for them to talk to you in circles.

Just go – no long goodbyes
You need to make this breakup as clear and concise as possible and then go. Don’t pass, don’t collect $200. There are no long hugs, no arguments, and no opportunity for a cunning narcissist to convince you to return to the relationship. You need to make this break as clean as possible. Make sure that anything you need to pack is prepared in advance so as not to make you feel guilty while you’re sorting through your items.
Go cold Türkiye
You can’t communicate with this type of person after being dumped. And by “no contact” I mean no contact. Narcissists will say or do anything to get you back, so you need to put some distance between yourself.

If you live together and need to work through a breakup, ask a friend to act as a mediator. Your boyfriend will be immune to all the guilt trips and emotional manipulation. Oh, and if after all that you remember you left something at your ex’s house? Unless it has tremendous sentimental value, leave it behind. In short, contact of any kind with a narcissist after a breakup = bad.

Don’t forget why you need to leave the relationship
After the initial, fleeting feeling of relief, you will feel sad and begin to mourn the death of your relationship. Now you need to remind yourself of all the reasons you ended it in the first place.

Narcissists pick up on your mistakes and use them against you to keep you unsure and in your place. They lower your self-esteem. They withdraw affection to make you work harder for their love. Think about every time he made you feel bad, sad, angry, or guilty. This is where your reconnected friends come in. Ask them to remind you of all the times you called them in tears or texted them in worry about something your ex said or did.

You will tend to remember only the good times. be strong. Remember why you felt you needed to leave in the first place.

Expect backlash
Believe me, there is nothing scarier than a narcissist’s contempt. They may try to bring you down by complaining about you to mutual friends or discrediting you in some way. Make sure you prepare your friends in advance (without badmouthing your ex, of course, as that’s stooping to their level). Just explain that you are extricating yourself from a toxic and unhealthy situation and that your ex may be trying to get revenge. You will all have to prepare for the repercussions. There may not be anything, but advance warning right?
Remember: This is not your fault
You’ll be tempted to beat yourself up and ask questions like, “How did you fall for his lies?” “Why didn’t I notice he was emotionally manipulating me?” “How stupid must I be?” This is not your fault. Narcissists are chameleons and can transform themselves into exactly what you are looking for. He is a master of manipulation and you are not stupid or somehow flawed for not realizing it.

Realize that you are grieving what you have never felt before
You are going through a breakup so you will feel sad, this is normal. But remember that the relationship you are grieving over was not real. You didn’t really lose the relationship so much as you lost your version of reality; The relationship you wished for, dreamed of, and thought you had finally found. It’s too terrible to think about the fact that he was never there in the first place, so let yourself mourn the end of the dream. Just don’t mourn the loss of the person. That man was a fool to you.

Here are 11 crucial steps to follow when breaking up with a manipulative narcissist:

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