My sons and I pull into the church parking lot. I park the car and ask them to pray before we head to Sunday Mass.
“Let’s pray for a miracle for Dad,” I say.
They say: “No.” “It’s time to give up.”
My husband has been escalating and behaving badly. He began drinking uncharacteristically, and was diagnosed with empathy deficiency and narcissistic personality disorder.
I’m shocked that my kids refuse to pamper me. My usually spiritual and positive children have had enough. The three of them share the same feelings.
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Convince them, “Just one prayer,” I say.
“Okay,” they say.
I fell in love with a narcissist and then prayed for a miracle.
At some point, it wasn’t fair to me or my kids.
This is what made me deny the reality of a strong narcissist. It’s something I learned in therapy. Our marriage counselor told me that a person with narcissistic personality disorder is rarely, if ever, treated.
I rejected this fact emotionally.
And then I rejected it spiritually. I believed in miracles. My faith told me that anything was possible. I respected and believed our advisor. I just relied on a higher power for my husband to be the “rare” exception.
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I hurt myself and my children.
There are many who believe that narcissists can be rehabilitated. But my husband did have some narcissistic characteristics. He had multiple narcissistic traits along with his lack of empathy.
He suffered from narcissistic personality disorder and was diagnosed on the severe end of the spectrum. This serious lack of empathy is what makes treatment for a narcissist unsuccessful. It prevents the narcissist from seeing outside his own world and into another world.
An alcoholic may have a moment of sobriety. A gambler’s moment of financial sobriety. At this time, they may see the reality of their addiction. They may feel the emotion that accompanies their investigation.
The narcissist never has a moment of emotional sobriety.
For this reason, the narcissist does not believe that he or she is a narcissist.
A lack of empathy essentially creates one world. The world of the narcissist. You can’t get to the narcissist. The narcissist does not live in reality. They live in their perception of reality. You cannot return empathy to an individual. It is a developmental stage that we receive in childhood.
These are compelling and powerful narcissistic truths.
I learned it during my years of counseling and researching Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I spent part of that time while I was still married to a narcissist.
But my faith is convincing and strong.
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I stuck to it.
It’s a blurred line between reality and spirituality.
Our faith tells us that we don’t have to give up. We can believe in everything. We can believe in redemption and restoration. We can believe in hope and healing.
Why would we abandon the person we love? Why don’t we continue to see the best despite the worst? But narcissists can be emotionally, financially, and in some cases physically dangerous.
