Covert narcissists are not easy to identify, unlike their overt counterparts. They have a knack for flying under the radar, hiding their narcissism behind a facade of good behavior. However, when arguments arise, their true colors often emerge. In this post we will discuss 10 evil things that covert narcissists say in their arguments.
Typical phrases a covert narcissist uses in an argument
“You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase is a staple in the playbook of covert narcissists, and is often used as a distraction tactic during an argument.
It serves multiple purposes, all aimed at undermining your self-confidence and distorting your perception of reality.
When covert narcissists say you’re too sensitive, they’re effectively invalidating your feelings and derailing the argument.
They indicate that your feelings, reactions, or fears are not only unjustified but also exaggerated.
This can lead to self-doubt, making you wonder if your reactions to their behavior are exaggerated.
Moreover, it is a subtle way for them to blame you.
By portraying you as being overly sensitive, they manage to take attention away from their actions or words that may have caused hurt or upset.
Instead of admitting their mistakes, they put the onus on you to be less sensitive or more tolerant of their behavior.
Moreover, this phrase can also serve as a pre-emptive strike.
By establishing that you are “highly sensitive” early on, any complaints or objections you may raise in the future can be quickly dismissed under this label.
This allows the covert narcissist to continue his behavior unchecked, as any criticism can be directed back at you.
“I never said that.”
Covert narcissists often use this phrase as a form of gaslighting, and it is one of their most powerful manipulation tools.
By denying their past statements or actions, they create a feeling of doubt and uncertainty in your mind.
This tactic is designed to undermine your confidence in your memory, and thus destabilize your understanding of reality.
When the covert narcissist insists, “I never said that,” he or she is trying to rewrite history, changing the narrative to fit a desired image or perspective.
This denial can be about important or trivial matters, but the goal remains the same: to plant seeds of doubt in your mind and control your perception of events.
This manipulation tactic can make you feel confused and insecure.
You may begin to question your memory or even your reason, wondering whether you are misremembering events or misinterpreting words.
It’s a covert narcissist’s subtle way to shift blame, avoid accountability, and maintain his façade.
“You’re overreacting.”
This phrase is another favorite in the arsenal of covert narcissistic tactics.
By accusing you of overreacting, they aim to belittle your feelings, deflect responsibility, and maintain control of the situation.
Furthermore, by labeling your reaction as an overreaction, they are cleverly shifting the blame onto you.
This tactic avoids their responsibility for the situation or issue at hand.
Instead of acknowledging their actions or words that may have triggered your reaction, they focus on your “overreaction,” thus diverting attention away from their behavior.
In addition, this phrase also gives them a sense of control over the situation.
If they can convince you that you’re overreacting, they can manipulate the narrative to suit their needs.
It allows them to dictate the terms of the discussion, ignore your concerns, and continue their behavior unchallenged.
“You always…” or “You never…”
Covert narcissists often use these sweeping generalizations as weapons of criticism and manipulation.
Loaded with absolutes, these statements are designed to undermine your self-confidence, distort your perception of reality, and maintain control of the relationship.
When covert narcissists start a sentence with “You always…” or “You never…” in the middle of an argument, they are usually painting an unfavorable picture of you.
It could be something like “You always forget important dates” or “You never listen to me
These statements are often exaggerated or outright false, yet they are presented as undeniable facts.
This can lead you to question your actions and behaviors, instilling doubt and guilt.
Moreover, these absolute statements leave no room for discussion or defense.
It is final, closing any possibility of nuance or exception.
This makes it especially difficult for you to argue against such accusations, which is exactly what a covert narcissist wants.
Furthermore, by focusing on your alleged flaws or failures, the covert narcissist is effectively turning the spotlight away from his or her behavior.
This diversionary tactic helps them avoid accountability for their actions or words that may have contributed to the problem at hand.
“I’m just kidding.”
Hiding insults or playing down humor gives them an easy escape route, allowing them to inflict harm while avoiding accountability.
When a covert narcissist says, “I’m just kidding,” he or she is trying to hide a hurtful comment or criticism.
The “joke” is often aimed at your insecurities, weaknesses, or faults, making you the butt of their ridicule.
This can be especially harmful because not only does it undermine your self-esteem, but it does so in a way that is difficult to challenge without seeming overly sensitive or lacking a sense of humor.
Furthermore, this tactic allows the covert narcissist to maintain an image of innocence.
If you react negatively or express hurt, they can quickly walk away by pointing out that they were just joking.
This subtly shifts the blame onto you, suggesting that the problem is your inability to take the joke rather than your receiving their inappropriate comment.
It’s a classic example of gaslighting, where they manipulate you into questioning your feelings and perceptions.
Furthermore, by framing their insults as a joke, covert narcissists can maintain control over the social dynamic.
They can set the tone of the conversation, deciding when to add “humor” and when to dial it back.
This enables them to keep you off balance, unsure of when the next “joke” will come out.
“Why can’t you be like…?”
Comparisons are one of the things covert narcissists say in their arguments to belittle you and make you feel inadequate, keeping you in a constant state of seeking their approval.
This tactic undermines your self-esteem and self-esteem.
By constantly comparing you to others, a covert narcissist gradually erodes your self-confidence, making you more vulnerable to their control and manipulation.
You may find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth, only to have your goal lists move over and over again.
Additionally, comparisons create a power dynamic where the narcissist sets standards and judges your performance.
They position themselves as arbiters of value, deciding who and what deserves praise. This strengthens their control over you and the relationship.
I’m the victim here.”
Covert narcissists are masters of manipulation, and one of their favorite strategies is to play the victim.
No matter the circumstances, they skillfully manipulate the narrative to present themselves as the aggrieved party.
This tactic serves multiple purposes, including distracting attention from their actions, generating sympathy, and maintaining control.
When a covert narcissist declares, “I’m the victim here,” he or she is trying to blame others for any conflict or problem.
They distort facts, ignore context, and exploit emotions to portray themselves as the innocent party suffering at the hands of others.
This allows them to avoid accountability for their actions and behaviors that may have contributed to the problem.
Moreover, by presenting themselves as a victim, they arouse sympathy and support from third parties.
They exploit people’s natural tendency to sympathize with those who appear to be in distress or treated unfairly.
This not only validates the victim’s story but also provides them with the attention and validation they crave.
Furthermore, playing the victim places the covert narcissist at the center of the narrative, dictating the terms of the conversation and manipulating people’s perceptions and responses.
This keeps you on the defensive, too busy justifying your actions or trying to fix the situation to question their role in it.
“Nobody thinks so.”
When a covert narcissist says “no one believes that” in an argument, he or she is trying to devalue your opinions and experiences by implying that they are not in line with the norm.
This may make you feel alone and misunderstood, which can lead to self-doubt and confusion.
You may begin to question the validity of your thoughts and feelings, wondering if you are overreacting or misinterpreting the situation.
Furthermore, this statement serves to isolate you socially and emotionally.
It indicates that others, presumably people whose opinions you value, do not share your point of view.
This may make you feel alienated and unsupported, strengthening the narcissist’s control over you.
Additionally, by positioning themselves as a conduit for “everyone else’s” opinions, covert narcissists establish a power dynamic where they hold power over what is “normal” or “right.”
This allows them to manipulate your perceptions and responses to suit their needs.
“If you loved me, you would…”
“If you loved me, you would…”
Covert narcissists often use love as a weapon, forcing you to tie your actions to proving your love for them, and using this as a trick to win arguments and bend you to their will.
When a covert narcissist says, “If you loved me, you would…” he is trying to control your behavior by taking advantage of your feelings for him.
It implies that your love should force you to meet their demands, regardless of your needs or limits.
This can create a harmful dynamic where you feel obligated to constantly prove your love through actions that primarily serve the narcissist’s interests.
“I’m sorry you feel this way.”
Covert narcissists often use this statement that sounds apologetic but is not an apology.
Although it may initially seem like an expression of remorse, it subtly shifts the responsibility to you, insinuating that the problem stems from your feelings, not your actions.
The covert narcissist essentially expresses remorse for your emotional response rather than admitting any wrongdoing on his part.
In this way, the narcissist cleverly avoids a true apology, which would require him to admit fault and take responsibility for his actions.
Instead, they shift the focus to your reaction, subtly suggesting that you are the one at fault for feeling hurt or upset.
This manipulative tactic invalidates your feelings and experiences while absolving them of any guilt or accountability.
Furthermore, this statement suggests that your feelings are misplaced or exaggerated, reinforcing the idea that you are being overly sensitive or misinterpreting the situation.
