Isn’t it a great catch? He’s the life of the party. You two look great together. But he doesn’t seem interested in you when you arrive at the party.
When you are alone, do you notice that he interrupts you because his idea, idea, or story is better or more important than yours? Do your conversations always seem to come back to him instead of focusing on your conversations? Does he want to talk more than listen? If you feel like everything has to be about them and that you are somehow “less than”, you may be dealing with a narcissist.
The narcissist’s self-absorption puts you in an orbit around him. The general feeling is that the relationship is unbalanced: that your needs come second to his, and that he’s thinking about himself and not you. Or more directly, he only thinks of you if it can help him get what he wants in some way.
The narcissist likely comes from a history of deprivation or abuse in the past when it comes to love from his family. They are often very adept at feeding their egos and needs – often because they are so empty inside.
Related : How To Say No To Users, Takers, And Other Self-Absorbed People…
But these guys can be a lot of fun to be around. They are usually smarter, better looking, smarter and more attractive than their less ill counterparts. The worst part is that they think they are smarter, better looking, smarter and more attractive than everyone else. To the outside world, they are something to look out for. In an intimate relationship it can be quite annoying.
Studies show that narcissists display very high levels of self-esteem, grandiosity, self-importance, and self-centeredness. They want to be admired, but they are not really interested in being loved. If you are unlucky enough to have a narcissist’s girlfriend, you should know that their main fault is their lack of true empathy. They are too busy meeting their own needs, and will not be able to sense yours.
This leaves you in orbit around a bright star with an empty core.
So what is the narcissist’s main goal? Psychologists have found that the narcissist’s primary goal is to maintain power in any interaction. How do they do this? They brag, talk loudly, refocus the topic of conversation back on what they know or want to talk about, use exaggerated movements and show disinterest in others while speaking by averting their eyes and looking.
Sexually, the narcissist thrives on actual or implied promiscuity. Since the primary goal is to maintain power in the interaction, they use a tactic that keeps their friend in this perpetually limited orbit: unavailability. They work according to what is called the “principle of least interest.” He who cares least has the most power.
Do you want good or bad news?
First, the good news: If your friend is a narcissist, he can change and develop.
Now the bad: You can’t be the one to change him.
Narcissism is difficult for even professionals to deal with and treat. But it is impossible for someone close to him, someone intimate, to change them.
Your job is to take great care of yourself and set boundaries every time they are crossed. Don’t bother telling him he’s an idiot, or that he hurt your feelings, or that you don’t approve of his behavior. These things will not penetrate. But telling him he seems ignorant or has behaved socially inappropriately will get his attention.
Danger? He will do what narcissists do and rush to find someone who won’t cheat him with reality. He will find the next fan and use her.
Ability? He uses your boundary setting as a wake-up call and realizes that he needs to become a partner in the relationship and work on himself to get there.
But the way I see it speaking up, setting boundaries and taking care of yourself is a win-win situation for you. If you call him out on his situation and he leaves; You’re in luck: you’ve saved yourself a lot of heartache.
But if he wakes up and sees the amazing person you are and wants to be a better man, that changes the dynamics and will put you both in orbit around each other, the way it should be.
