Do some people steal your happiness and peace of mind every time they are around? Despite how close or important a toxic family member is in your life, sometimes it is acceptable to isolate them to recover from abuse and protect your sanity and self-esteem.

Is your family toxic?

Family always comes first. Our parents, siblings, partners or even friends occupy a very special place in most of our lives. They support us through the dark tide of life and give meaning to our lives. Unfortunately, for some of us, this definition of family may not be applicable because our family lives are filled with drama, hate, arguments, abuse, manipulation, and even domestic violence.

Having toxic family members can be emotionally stressful and make you feel anger, sadness, betrayal, guilt, hurt and confusion. Studies have found that family instability can negatively affect our well-being. In fact, in the long run, it can negatively affect your physical, emotional and mental health and lead to the development of stress, anxiety and chronic depression.

A 2014 study explains: “Children with toxic stresses early in life are at risk for long-term negative health effects that may not appear until adulthood.”

Research also shows that poor family relationships can have negative long-term effects on a patient’s health and increase the risk of early death. According to another 2017 study, toxic family relationships can lead to stress, lowered self-esteem, unhealthy coping behaviors, and reduced overall well-being. The study adds: “Family relationships are enduring and result in well-being throughout life.”

A toxic family member will not hesitate to manipulate and take advantage of you. They would never think twice about tainting and spoiling the sacred bond of love you share with them. Even when you’re emotionally hurt, they won’t hold back because they realize you’re stuck with them because they’re your family.

When you allow your toxic family members to abuse you whenever they want to, they won’t stop sucking every ounce of happiness you have in your life. Unless you set clear, strong boundaries and get yourself out of that environment, you will continue to destroy your life.

Why you should cut off a toxic family member

Although we may know what we need to do to protect ourselves, we often wonder whether it is morally and ethically right to cut ties with a toxic family member. But it is never about what is right or wrong because it is a very subjective issue. What matters here is what is best for you and your mental health.

Some people act the way they do because that’s how they are. They may have a narcissistic personality or they may want to feel superior through your frustration. But it’s not about them, it’s about you.

It’s about taking charge of your life. It’s about refusing to accept abuse and negativity in your life. It is about creating your own happiness. The unfortunate truth is that once they cut ties with the toxic person, they will find someone else who abuses and fuels their ego. Although it may create a void in your life, cutting ties will not make any significant difference in their lives.

So instead of enduring toxicity on a daily basis, determine what behavior is acceptable to you and eliminate the rest. If the issue can be resolved through an open discussion, you should communicate honestly with them about how their behavior affects you.

However, if this is not an option, you need to walk away on your own. You should always choose you because you are the only permanent thing in your life. Instead of turning a blind eye to their abusive and manipulative behavior and pretending that everything is still fine, realize that walking away is a good thing!

It doesn’t make you a horribly selfish person. It makes you human. Someone who is simply looking to protect himself.

Why You Should Cut Ties With Toxic Family Members

If you are still having a hard time realizing how this relationship is draining your mind and ruining your life, here are some reasons that will help you gain insight-

They manipulate you
They are adept manipulators and will use a range of strategies, such as guilt and denial, to distort the truth in their favour. They will make you look like the abuser, while pretending to be the victim even though they are the abusers in the relationship.
They judge and criticize you unnecessarily
Toxic family members like to judge and criticize you in a rude and insulting way. Instead of offering constructive criticism, they focus more on breaking your self-confidence and destroying your self-esteem. They will constantly make fun of your flaws and make you feel good to hide their fears.
They violate your limits
Abusive individuals do not respect personal boundaries. No matter what boundaries you set to limit your interactions with them, they will intrude into your personal space and completely ignore your boundaries to show their dominance.
They control you and make unreasonable demands
They can descend to any low level to control your life. They use subtle techniques such as gas lighting to control your mind and make you doubt your thoughts.

Moreover, they are very demanding and will continue to demand services from you, but they will always have an excuse not to return them.

Unreliable
You can never completely trust them or rely on them for anything. No toxic family member will hesitate to harm you for their gain even when you are related by blood.

They may pretend to have your best interest in their heart, but they will stab you in the back when needed. They are untrustworthy to the core.

They lie constantly
Toxic family members are pathological liars who can make up stories on the go and deny even the most salient facts even when faced with evidence. They are completely dishonest and constantly lie to hide their low self-esteem, flaws, failures, and insecurities.

They use guilt as a weapon
Being guilt-ridden to do something for personal gain is their favorite game. No matter how strong your determination or how firm your boundaries are, they will make you follow their whims and fantasies by emotionally blackmailing you and making you feel guilty.

However, no matter how hard you try or how much you do for them, it will never be good enough. This can make you feel very exhausted and make you question your abilities.

They are only available when they need something from you
They need to always be right and never accept their mistakes
They are always the victim, even if it is their fault
They only help you when it is useful to them
They always blame others
They blatantly disrespect your loved ones
They are jealous of your happiness
Emotionally unpredictable
They exhibit passive-aggressive behavior

They overreact and create too much drama
They never admit your feelings
They never care or care about your life
It makes you feel nervous, anxious, and hurt every time you interact with it
They lack self-awareness and never take responsibility for their behavior

The truth is, you don’t enjoy spending time with your toxic family members. However, you have to tolerate them just because they are your family.

You make excuses for their abusive behavior even when they leave you feeling tired. You avoid doing or saying things that might upset them even though they limit your potential in life. But this is not how families should operate. The family should never feel like a prison sentence to go through.

Deciding to walk away from someone who manipulates you, disrespects you, or values your emotions is not negative or ruthless behavior. It does not make you a toxic person. It simply means that the relationship has lost all of its value to you due to constant abuse and lack of care from the other person.

When you are going through years of injustice, criticism, and bullying, you need to take care of yourself and take steps to end the abuse, move on, and heal your heart and soul.

Why cutting a toxic family is so hard

Regardless of the number of reasons listed here for cutting up a toxic family member, the process can be very challenging when it comes to doing it. This process is difficult and painful because we do not realize that their behavior is harmful or abusive. They are part of our family and our life. So we tolerate their toxic attitude and refuse to consider it abuse even when that is exactly what it is.

Here are some reasons why cutting out a toxic family is so difficult, according to psychotherapist and author Sharon Martin –

Love and attachment
Despite how messy our families can be, we can’t deny that we genuinely love our families regardless of all the arguments, fights, drama, and abuse. Unfortunately, a healthy relationship needs a lot more than just love for work. He needs trust, respect, support, care, and kindness.

However, it is this love that binds us and prevents us from leaving a toxic family environment. Furthermore, unhealthy and insecure attachment styles can add to a toxic relationship. But you have to realize that love doesn’t necessarily translate into a healthy relationship.

Severe guilt
One of the biggest shortcomings of a family relationship is the number of unreasonable expectations that paralyze you. We are expected to sacrifice our happiness and dreams to take care of our families. So when we try to get away from a toxic family member, we are immediately seized by excessive guilt.

It feels like we’re doing something inherently wrong. “It’s not wrong, mean, or selfish to protect your health, and sometimes the only way to do that is to distance yourself from the bad guys,” Sharon explains.

Commitment and loyalty
Being observant, loyal, and loyal to our family is almost instinctive to us. According to a 2016 study, lifelong commitment and loyalty to our family can have “far-reaching behavioral effects” and lead to “unusual acts of self-immolation.”

However, a toxic family member will use your loyalty against you and try to control your actions and behaviors, preventing you from leaving.

Fear and anxiety
Fear and anxiety are perhaps the biggest disheartening factors that keep you from severing relationships. Being away from family, however messy, means that we will have to take responsibility for our actions and this can be a frightening realization.

Stepping out of our comfort zone is not easy. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t overcome your fears and solve any challenges that arise. Give yourself time and compassion and build a support system,” Sharon suggests.

Remove toxic people from your life

Sometimes cutting all ties with a toxic person becomes necessary to protect yourself, whether they are your family, friends, boss, co-workers, or even your partner. However, cutting a toxic family member is probably the hardest decision to make because it takes a lot of strength to create distance from someone who is probably a big part of your life.

However, if you have been physically or emotionally abused and it has affected your mental and emotional health, you need to take a stand to build yourself a happy and healthy life. Yes, letting go of toxic family members feels guilty but it doesn’t make you a terrible person.

You are allowed to take care of yourself. You are allowed to take care of yourself. Sometimes cutting ties with a toxic person is an act of self-love and self-compassion. Studies have found that self-compassion is positively associated with motivation to correct our mistakes and differences in relationship satisfaction, regardless of conscience.

Further research has revealed that when you refuse to tolerate abuse from a family member and end a relationship, you can experience greater feelings of satisfaction, independence, emotional strength, and positive emotions. However, there may be some negative consequences of cutting ties with a toxic family member, such as feelings of loss and decreased mental well-being.

“While you may feel a deep sense of relief, it’s important to be prepared for the challenges you are likely to face after severing ties with a family member,” explains psychotherapist and international best-selling author Amy Morin, LCSW.

However, when it comes to some family member or relative whose only goal in life is to boost their self-esteem by offending you, distancing yourself from that relationship may be the only way to treat yourself.

Related: 6 Signs You Are in A Fake Relationship

How to cut ties with the one you love is toxic

Since moving away from an abuser in your family can be difficult, here are some steps that can help make the process more practical and achievable. Here is how to deal with toxic family members:-

Accept that it is offensive
Learn about the fact that your family member is toxic, abusive, and narcissistic. Accept that they will never think about your feelings and it is not your job to fix or save them. You also need to realize that caring for your happiness is not wrong.
We understand that they will never change
Although some narcissists may change over time, most toxic and abusive individuals are unable to change their thought and behavior patterns throughout their lives. The more you put up with their abusive behavior, the more they were poisoned.
Have an open conversation
Talk to the person openly and honestly before you decide to cut all ties. Sit quietly and talk to them about how their behavior frequently hurts you. Give them a chance to explain.

If they continue to refuse to acknowledge your feelings and take responsibility for their toxic behavior, you can make the final decision about cutting them off.

Getaway
Once you decide to isolate the toxic family member, walk away from the relationship. Don’t give them permission or the opportunity to manipulate you or feel the guilt to get them back. Don’t give in to remorse or sympathy.

Stand on the ground and stick to your decision. Go ahead and keep the focus on yourself and on improving your life.

Here are some other useful suggestions that can help you cut toxic family ties –

Delete their contact details from your phone
Block them on social media
Avoid talking negatively about it with other family members
If they call you, avoid arguing with them or giving them an explanation
In case you need to contact them, meet them in the presence of others
Be patient, set strong boundaries, and work on self-improvement
Grieve the loss of the relationship, if necessary
Build a support network with supportive friends and relatives
Consult a therapist if necessary
Limit contact instead of severing ties
Sometimes, a complete break from the relationship may not be possible. In such cases, creating distance in the relationship seems more feasible and practical than walking away completely. However, this depends on the significance of the relationship and the degree of toxicity. Some relationship problems can be solved by creating some distance, like –

Limit interaction with them

Talk to them only about necessary topics
Restrict their access to your details
Avoid any provocation of arguments
You should also keep your distance during family gatherings and holidays and limit your emotional involvement in the relationship.

Move towards a positive life

Being away from a toxic family member can be very difficult, exhausting, and emotionally draining. This is why it is important to surround yourself with positive, loving, and supportive people, such as family members and friends who are aware of what you are going through. Consulting a therapist can also be helpful.

However, the most important thing is to realize that you are not doing anything wrong and that you do not owe the aggressor anything. You only owe it to yourself. So be sure to practice self-love, self-compassion, and self-care, and let your heart guide you toward a more positive life.