One must ask if empaths are so adept at understanding the feelings or emotions of their surroundings, why are empaths drawn to narcissists?
All is well in love and war unless it is a toxic attraction that leads to destruction. The toxic attraction between empaths and narcissists.
We know that “narcissist” has become a buzzword lately, and some people are quick to apply it to an ex, family member, or friend. While being aware of this concept is healthy, so remember that, in the context of mental health, it is a serious condition that should not be applied to someone you are angry with because they stole your mirror. – eds.
Empaths often realize they have this very sensitive and intuitive side of their personality after surviving a broken relationship with an energy vampire or narcissist.
This article has been written from the perspective of empathy, however, narcissistic personalities may have a different perspective on the relationship as well.
Why are empaths attracted to narcissists?
Studies of the narcissistic personality type reveal one truth: the narcissist is wounded.
This wound goes back to their childhood when they either experienced neglected care and anxiety by their primary caregivers, depression by loved ones, or felt the pain of rejection due to constant situations. Our past experiences have a significant impact on the development of our adult personality.
A child who is “conditioned to be loved” when he achieves something and left devalued on the occasions when he fails to achieve something will help to form a personality based on fragile and fickle attention. This leads to a very poor sense of identity and low self-esteem.
Praising children’s intelligence, far from boosting their self-esteem, encourages them to adopt self-destructive behaviors such as worrying about failure and risk avoidance. – Dr. Dweck
Oftentimes, the ruthless, energy-sucking monster we see in a narcissist is just a superficial cover for a very destructive, insecure, and broken person inside that we don’t see.
An empath on the other hand is sensitive, considerate, and sympathetic on the inside and very transparent on the outside. An empath has the incredible power to understand the subtle depth of another individual’s feelings; They can take in another person’s physical, emotional, and mental pain and feel it as if it were their torment.
Empaths rarely have a conscious sense of their limitations. This vague definition of their boundaries causes them to become deeply attracted to the wistful, melancholy, ambiguous charms of the narcissist, and they are quick to fix and repair any damage and try to eliminate all their pain.
Empaths fail to see the truth in the narcissist’s eyes. Just as an empath is a giver, a therapist, a narcissist, on the other hand, is a taker. What could be a better mutual attraction than this?
The narcissist is empty inside, covered in the grandiose mountainous self-image. The lack of validation and care during childhood requires a large amount of compensation when they are older.
To defend against their poor self-image, these individuals feign an attitude and behavior to convince themselves that they deserve the best of everything in this universe.
This mindset forces them to engage closely with individuals they feel can be their narcissist’s “best source of supply” for their exaggerated need for constant validation.
This complex dynamic is beyond understanding the simple-minded empath who sees the world and its inmates as sympathetic and giving as they are, oblivious to the narcissist’s deep-seated agenda.
The narcissist’s agenda is to manipulate and gain power and control over other individuals. By contrast, Empath’s agenda is selfless love and healing. This creates a favorable circumstance for the narcissist to take advantage of the empath’s submissive and sensitive nature to the fullest extent possible.
The more control the narcissist has, the more likely the empath is to slip into victim mode. Soon this domination and manipulation of power will be projected onto the empath, while the empath is imbued with this toxic projection onto themselves. Not long after, a very vicious circle began to spin.
When a narcissist sees that their empath has been hurt, they will play along with it and the main goal is to keep empathy down. This cruel treatment of power play will only make sympathizers feel more vulnerable and pitiful about their situation.
At such a moment, the empath will begin to frantically seek love, validation, affirmation, and acceptance from a narcissist, and every cry for help in this way will reaffirm to the narcissist what he is desperate to feel within himself–worth. It is sure to start a bitter fight.
As Empath only focuses on their pain, their trauma, and the destruction of their lives, they become self-absorbed and fail to see the source of it all. Instead of looking for external causes and searching for the truth, empathy will turn everything inward and engage in constant self-blame.
Any attempt to connect authentically with the narcissist will be futile because they certainly won’t be looking to calm and heal anyone else. Once the narcissist discovers the empathy needs, which are nurturing, the narcissist will immediately begin to become indifferent and turn away from the empathy needs. The narcissist has many techniques for exercising his powers over others, especially those who cannot protect themselves.
The empath will know that they are in a destructive relationship at this point and will feel insecure, unloved, and unworthy, and it can be easy to blame all of their destruction on the shoulders of the narcissist.
An empath can either choose to continue being a victim of this emotional abuse or find the courage to come out of it. But this is of course a very difficult task for the sympathizer seeking a forever attachment.
The emotionally drained, lost, jaded, and debilitated empath will struggle to understand what happened to the loving, attentive, and charismatic person they were drawn to.
How we allow others to treat us is our choice. If an empath chooses to stay in a relationship with a narcissist and refuses to take responsibility for the dynamic, they choose what they think they deserve.
Empathy cannot allow a narcissist to define their self-worth. They must trust and believe in themselves enough to realize that they deserve much better than what is befalling them.
All the empath is looking for is a caring and understanding partner and not a constant battle between ego, agony, and pain. This realization is the most important part of the process of getting out of the death trap of the narcissistic victim state.
We are not here to fix anyone. We can’t fix anyone. Everyone is responsible and able to fix themselves, but only if they choose to.
The more an empath can identify a narcissist’s personality, the sooner they spot a person and the less chance they have of developing a relationship with someone.
If a relationship is already in progress, it’s never too late to ask for help and seek understanding and knowledge, dig deeper into one’s soul and recognize our strengths and abilities, and discover ways to respectfully exit such an abusive relationship.
Narcissist personality modification is not possible because it is a deeply ingrained trait. So we shouldn’t wait for that to happen. If a narcissist wants to change, that’s great, but it shouldn’t cost another individual’s quality of life.
They are consciously unaware of their behavior and the harm it causes and in their game, they will sacrifice anyone and anything for their gain – no matter what pretty lies and nice things they try to whisper.
Empathy, being real and sincere with a godly purpose of healing, will find the entire relationship a great lesson, an elusive bullet that leads to a painful awakening.
The narcissist will struggle to have any connection to their authentic self and will likely walk away from the relationship very easily once they realize they have lost their ability to control empathy. The game is no longer fun if they don’t have their ego down, so they will be looking for their next victim.
The ability of these two species to interrelate is simply impossible. The narcissist’s heart is closed, empathy is open – it’s a recipe for a huge disaster, a very devastating disaster.