A healthy relationship can show some downsides
Sometimes, which in turn can be fixed after discussion and simply trying. Toxic relationships, on the other hand, are convictions in disguise that feature multiple warning signs but are actually invisible to those in that relationship. Below, we’ll explore some of the surprising signs of a toxic relationship that you shouldn’t ignore.
Are you looking for signs that your relationship is toxic? Do you look around at other people in happy relationships and wonder how you can tell if your relationships are good?
Unfortunately, for many people, it’s hard to know when we’re in a toxic relationship. We’re just so close and deep in it that we can get blinded in so many ways.
Fortunately, there are red flags that your relationship is toxic. If you know what to look for, you can see the signs that your relationship is toxic and make the difficult decision of whether to stay or leave.
Here are the signs of a toxic relationship
Here are 5 surprising signs that your relationship is toxic, and five to watch out for if you see them.
- You find yourself a tip walking around you.
I have a very confident client in the world. On the outside, he talks about what he wants, is confident in his actions, and feels good about himself.
In contrast, when he is at home, he feels insecure and uncertain. When he is in his wife’s presence he is calm, knowing that if he says or does something you don’t like, she will yell at him. He doesn’t take on projects around the house without her guidance because he’s worried he might do the wrong thing. He spends a lot of time in the garage, and he knows if he’s out of sight he’s out of danger.
Do you find that you are walking on eggshells around your partner? Be careful not to do anything that might upset them? That you will do everything in your power to make them happy?
If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then this is a clear sign that your relationship is toxic. No one should feel uncomfortable being themselves in any relationship. Maybe it’s time to take a closer look at you and see how you fit.
- Your self-esteem is at an all-time low.
For many of us in a toxic relationship, we no longer feel good about ourselves. In some cases, this is because we are walking on eggshells and it makes us lose our self-confidence. In other cases, we don’t feel good about ourselves because our partners put us down, in ways big and small, over and over again.
I have a client whose husband doesn’t have a kind word to say about her. He never complimented her on how well she cooked dinner or how well she did her job. Sometimes he is just silent, and says nothing, which hurts her deeply. And sometimes he’s very direct, telling her her dress is awful or that she’s lucky she’s doing so well at work.
This kind of direct and indirect attack slowly, over time, destroyed her self-esteem. They are like a thousand small cuts that may not bleed much but that end up leaving you bloodless. She no longer believes that she is the cool person other people think she is.
Are you struggling with self-esteem issues caused by your relationship? If the answer is yes, then this could be a sign that you are in a toxic relationship, that you may be considering leaving.
- You are always sick.
I remember back when I was unhappily married, I always had health issues. I have developed food allergies, some of them physical. I was debilitated by the yeast overgrowth that led to my fibromyalgia. I suffered from chronic pain in my body and constant depression. Basically, I was falling apart.
When we are in a toxic relationship, it takes a toll on our physical health. If a person exists in a state of constant stress, being cut off by our partners, and not feeling loved, it is impossible to maintain good health.
Even if you exercise regularly and eat well, the chances of you suffering from health issues if your relationship is toxic are high.
Do you suffer from chronic health problems? It may be a sign that your relationship is toxic. Not only should you see a doctor, but maybe it’s time to think about whether it’s time to run, maybe to literally save your life.
- You see drug use.
When you’re in a toxic relationship, there are often signs of substance abuse, which are major red flags to watch out for. And not just the signs of substance abuse in your partner but in yourself.
Usually, when people live in a very sad place, they look for ways to manage their unhappiness. In a perfect world, people would manage their unhappiness in healthy ways, such as exercise and therapy. In this really difficult world that we live in, many people turn to drugs, alcohol, and infidelity to manage their moods.
Ironically, substance abuse can make a toxic relationship worse. Drug and alcohol use weakens filters and people often say and do things they might not necessarily do in a sober state.
Problems that seem manageable suddenly become less so. Tensions flare up and emotional and/or physical abuse can ensue. If both partners abuse substances, things can quickly escalate, causing irreparable harm.
Moreover, substance abuse can lead to depression. When we’re depressed, it’s more difficult to deal with another person, and feeling good about yourself is impossible. Even if your partner doesn’t use drugs, you’re doing so as a red flag that your relationship is toxic and things need to change.
- You no longer have friends.
A client of mine was in a relationship that was toxic and one of the biggest side effects, which took him a long time to notice, was that their friends had fallen away, leaving them alone and struggling.
Think of the couples you know who are in unhappy relationships. Are they fun to be with? If you chose to go out to dinner, would you invite them with you? Does the time you spend with them make everyone uncomfortable and stressed? Are you the couple for your friends? The one that nobody likes to hang out with anymore.
Even if you’re still invited to places as a couple, your single friends will probably steer clear of you if you’re in a toxic relationship. If all you want to do is talk about how upset you are and how much your partner sucks, especially if you just want to talk about it and not take steps to fix it, then you may find that your friends are less inclined to spend time with you.
Life is hard enough without constantly having to be dragged around by an unhappy friend. So, take a look at your friendships. Do your friends still invite you to do things? Do your personal friends make excuses not to spend time with you?
If the answer to either of these questions is yes, then you might be in a toxic relationship, and maybe it’s time to take a hard look at trying to fix it or get out of it.
Knowing the red flags that your relationship is toxic is an essential way to escape one and prevent you from entering a new relationship.
When we’re in a toxic relationship, it can often be hard to tell because it’s our 24/7 reality, and having some clear signs to look for, rather than relying on your feelings, can help you figure out what the next steps might be.
So, if you find yourself wandering around on eggshells, trying not to upset your partner, if your self-esteem and health are going down if one or both of you are on drugs, if you’re losing friends, you might be in pretty good shape. A toxic relationship, that needs to be addressed now so that you can get your life back.