When a narcissist sees that you look good, he or she may display a range of reactions. On the surface, they may shower you with compliments, telling you how great you look. However, beneath the friendly facade, they are likely seething with envy, while also feeling threatened and insecure.

Narcissists have fragile egos, and seeing someone else shine can make them feel insecure.

In addition, you should always keep in mind that narcissists are good at using flattery as a tool to get what they want. Therefore, their compliments may not be sincere and could be part of their cunning scheme to keep you within their sphere of influence.

The reaction, of course, also depends on the type of relationship you have with the narcissist. Is the narcissist a friend, ex-lover, or family member?

In this article we will take a look at these different scenarios to understand how a narcissist will react when they see you looking good.

What happens when a narcissistic friend sees you looking good?

When a narcissistic friend sees that you look good, his or her reaction may oscillate between admiration and envy, often leaning more toward the latter.

They will probably initially shower you with compliments. This may be a genuine acknowledgment of your appearance, but more often than not they do it to maintain their image as a ‘good friend’.

Remember, narcissists are often very concerned about how others perceive them. Complimenting you in public can be a strategy for them to appear generous and caring.

However, beneath the superficial pleasantries, envy and insecurity are very likely brewing. Your narcissistic friend will undoubtedly feel threatened because you may seem better than him.

Narcissists love to be the center of attention and seeing you attract admiration will spark feelings of jealousy.

As a result, they are more likely to hit you with indirect compliments or subtle shading to undermine you.

A backhanded compliment is one that initially seems flattering but contains an insult or critical judgment.

For example, your friend might say something like: “I wish I was as concerned about my appearance as you are.”

On the surface, this seems like a compliment to your relaxed attitude, but it carries an implicit message that you don’t care enough about your appearance.

Narcissists are masters of compliments, insults, or “submission.” They seem to be praising you, but in reality they are hitting you with a subliminal insult in order to “put you back in your place.”

Your friendship dynamics may also change when your narcissistic friend sees you looking good.

They can become more attentive, seeking to spend more time with you, because they want to bask in the reflected glory of your attractiveness.

On the flip side, they may also distance themselves from you, especially if your good looks make them feel insecure about their appearance.

They may avoid social situations in which they feel you can outshine them

What happens when your narcissistic ex sees you looking good?

When a narcissistic ex sees you looking good, his or her reaction can be a mixture of admiration, envy, and a desire to bring you back into their sphere of influence and regain control over you.

They may exhibit behaviors such as levitating, love bombing, or even trying to recruit you for their narcissistic harem.

Hoover

Hoovering is a common tactic used by narcissists to get you back into the relationship, just like a Hoover vacuum cleaner does.

If your ex sees you looking good, he may try to bring you back into his life. This might include them reaching out to you unexpectedly, reminiscing about the good times in your relationship, or even apologizing for their past behavior.

Love bombing

Another common tactic is love bombing, where the narcissist showers you with affection and attention to win you over.

If your narcissistic ex sees you looking good, he may start love bombing you and telling you how much he misses you and how he can’t live without you.

This exaggerated display of affection can be confusing and overwhelming.

However, it is important to note that this is only a temporary phase. Once a narcissist feels they have regained control, they will inevitably return to their old ways.

Narcissistic harem

Finally, a narcissist who sees you as looking good may try to include you in his narcissistic harem. This is a group of people that the narcissist keeps around to boost their ego and satisfy their needs for attention and validation.

Being part of a narcissist’s harem means you are one of many. The narcissist may rotate his attention between different members of the harem depending on their needs at any given time.

What happens when a narcissistic family member sees you looking good?

Narcissists are often driven by envy. When they see you looking good, their immediate reaction is likely to be jealousy. They may feel threatened by your attractiveness because it may overshadow their own or divert attention away from them.

The narcissistic family member will likely react in the same way as a narcissistic friend would, as discussed above. Their envy may manifest itself in passive-aggressive comments, criticism, or attempts to belittle you and your accomplishments.

However, in the case of a family member, the situation is more serious, because they have easy access to your nearest and dearest – which means a family smear campaign.

Family slander campaign

In more extreme cases, a narcissistic family member may start a smear campaign against you. They will spread rumors or lies about you to other family members, to undermine you and take back the spotlight.

The smear campaign serves two purposes for narcissists.

First, it helps them regain the attention and validation they crave.

Second, it helps them portray themselves as the “victim” or “misunderstood hero,” providing them with the narcissistic supplies they crave.

How to protect yourself from the envious narcissist

Relationships with narcissists can be difficult, especially when they are driven by envy. Here are some strategies to protect yourself:

demarcation
Setting clear boundaries is crucial in any relationship, but it’s especially important when dealing with a narcissist.

They usually have the right to do so and are unlikely to respect your personal space or feelings.

Set limits on the behavior you will accept and communicate it clearly.

Practice self-care

Maintaining your mental and emotional health is essential when dealing with a narcissist.

Regular exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices such as meditation can help manage stress and keep you grounded.

Ask for support

Connect with friends, family members, or therapists who understand your condition.

Sharing your experiences and feelings with others who can offer empathy and advice can be incredibly helpful.

Limit contact

If possible, limit your contact with the narcissist.

This might mean interacting only when necessary or reducing the amount of time you spend together.

If the narcissist is a co-worker or family member, try to keep your interactions professional and brief.

Don’t take it personally

Remember that the narcissist’s behavior is about them, not you.

They are driven by insecurities and their needs for attention and validation. Try not to take their actions personally.

Staygrounded

Narcissists are experts at manipulation and can make you doubt your perceptions or feelings.

This is known as gaslighting. Always trust your instincts and stay grounded in reality.

Learn about narcissism

Understanding the traits and behaviors of a narcissist can help you deal with them more effectively.

Educate yourself about narcissists so you can spot the signs and understand why they act the way they do.

Concluding thoughts

Seeing yourself looking good may cause a shift in the dynamics of your relationship with the narcissist. If they were previously dismissive or indifferent toward you, they may suddenly become more attentive and caring. This is because narcissists are attracted to people who boost their ego and make them feel superior.

Ultimately, a narcissist’s reaction when they see you looking good is driven by their need for control. Whether they’re showering you with compliments, trying to undermine you, or changing the dynamics of your relationship, it’s all a way for them to maintain control and protect their inflated ego.

In conclusion, it is important to remember that the narcissist’s reaction to your good looks is more about them than it is about you. Their actions and reactions are driven by their insecurities and need for control. So, don’t let their behavior dictate how you feel about yourself.