Have you ever loved? Of course, you have. But is love all about warm and kind feelings? Or is your brain chemistry behind your feelings? You know what movies, novels, poets, and philosophers say about love. Now let’s look at the science of love.

what is love?

We each have our definition of love. We know how you feel. We know the pain and pleasure that comes with it. But what does science say about love?

According to neuroscientist Dr. Gabija Toleket, love is something that is born in the recess of our subconscious. She said “Our subconscious mind has ten times more information than our rational brain. So when we fall in love with someone, it may feel like a temporary experience, however, the brain works hard to calculate and produce that feeling.”

Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph. D., said romantic love is simply “a basic drive that evolved millions of years ago to enable us to focus our attention on just one partner and start the mating process.”

The truth is that love is still one of the most misinterpreted feelings that humans go through. Love is a complex process that takes place in the subconscious. However, it is not something we can manage or control at will.

It is an emotional experience that affects our lives to a great extent. It affects our mindset, thoughts, moods, and behavior. It can even interfere with our daily lives and make ordinary daily tasks look different. However, according to the science of love, the goal is to find the best mate we can find, ensure successful reproduction, and take care of our offspring. But is that all?

Related: How Modern Dating Is Killing Real Love

Understand the science of love

Despite what poets and philosophers might say, love actually happens because of some changes in the biochemistry of our brains. According to research by Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, romantic love consists of 3 distinct categories that are driven by their own set of chemicals and hormones in the brain.

The three basic parts of love include –

lust
gravity
attached

The science of lust
Lust, also known as sexual desire or sex drive, is primarily defined by our craving for sexual gratification and is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen, in both women and men. Evolution has programmed all living things to reproduce and reproduce, and lust stems from this basic need.

It prompts us to reproduce more often, making sure our genes are passed on and our species survives. According to Dr. Fisher, “The sex drive has evolved to motivate individuals to seek sexual intercourse with any suitable partner.”

The production of both estrogen and testosterone from the ovaries and testes is stimulated by the hypothalamus in the brain. Although these hormones are identified as female hormones and male hormones respectively, both of these chemicals have crucial roles in both women and men. Thanks to testosterone, your libido increases dramatically, whether you are a man or a woman. However, estrogen seems to push women more, as they may feel more sexually aroused when they ovulate.

Scientist Gina Pincott believes that the brain seems to rule when it comes to the science of love. According to her research, sexual desire is influenced by our brain’s amygdala, which “is also associated with emotions, urges, and spur-of-the-moment decisions.”

The science of gravity
The science of love states that attraction is another crucial component of love and is different from, but related to, lust. Dr. Fisher believes that “your biology comes into play” when it comes to attractiveness.

Although we may be attracted to someone we crave and vice versa, both lust and attraction can occur independently. According to Dr. Fisher, attraction “is characterized by heightened energy and focus of attention on a preferred mating partner. In humans, attraction is also associated with feelings of euphoria, intrusive thinking about the loved one, and a desire for emotional union.”

Attraction is driven by serotonin, dopamine, and adrenaline, which are normally released when you experience something exciting, adventurous, and new. Hence, attraction involves the same pathways in the brain that regulate our reward behavior. This is probably why the initial phase of a relationship, known as the honeymoon phase, seems so magical and intoxicating.

Dopamine is also produced in the hypothalamus, and it powers the reward pathway in our brain. Dopamine, known as the “happiness hormone,” is released when you engage in activities that make you feel good and happy.

So when you go on a date, spend time with your partner, or get physically intimate, this happy hormone is released and makes you feel warm and euphoric inside. Dopamine, along with certain other chemicals like norepinephrine and adrenaline, makes you feel attracted to someone based on what you feel and experience with that person.

In fact, studies have found that the reward centers in our brain become very active when we see a visual reference or a picture of someone we feel drawn to. However, being attracted to someone can lower your level of serotonin, a chemical that can affect your mood and appetite. Hence, scientists believe that low serotonin levels make us feel fatigued during the initial stages of infatuation and attraction.

Dr. Helen Fisher writes in an article: “I hypothesize that attraction is primarily associated in the brain with high levels of the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine and low levels of serotonin. This emotion system developed an idea to enable males and females to distinguish between potential mating partners, and to conserve their mating energy, favoring genetically superior individuals, and following these individuals until pollination is complete.”

The science of attachment
Attachment or companion love is the last element of the three categories as explained by the science of love. Attachment is crucial to a successful long-term relationship and results in “feelings of calm, security, social comfort, and emotional union” in humans.

Dr. Fisher found that attachment “is characterized in birds and mammals by behavior that may include defense of common territory, mutual nest building, mutual feeding and grooming, separation anxiety, and shared chores of the parents.” Although lust and attraction are primarily associated with romantic relationships, attachment includes parent-infant relationships, friendships, social intimacy, and other bonds.

The long-term binding is associated with two major brain chemicals, the neuropeptides oxytocin and vasopressin. These hormones control bonding, especially between mother and child. This is probably why oxytocin is popularly known as the “cuddle hormone.”

This system of feelings encourages us to maintain our “affiliations” over a long period of time. Oxytocin is also produced by the hypothalamus in the brain. High levels of oxytocin are generally released during sexual intercourse, childbirth and breastfeeding. Although these events may not be the best examples to explain the science of love, all of these activities lead to intense bonding and attachment.

Perhaps this is why our brain manages lust, attraction, and attachment separately since we may be attached to someone, such as our family and friends, and not feel an emotional attraction towards them. One study found that participants felt a real and lasting connection to a complete stranger after 30 minutes of deep conversation with them. In fact, one study pair later got married.

Vasopressin also plays an important role in lasting commitment. Mostly released after sex, vasopressin is associated with behavior that leads to monogamous and long-term relationships. The way these two hormones work and behave could help explain why the bond is so strong when passionate love begins to wane.

The Scientific Prescription for Love

Each of these three processes operate independently but are closely linked to make us experience the magic of what we know as love. Lust, attraction, and attachment work hand in hand and separately so we can experience a wide range of feelings, from pleasure to pain, associated with love.

Findings from a 2002 study by Dr. Helen Fisher revealed that “Desire evolved to initiate the mating process with any suitable partner. Attractiveness evolved to enable individuals to choose from and prefer certain mating partners, thus conserving mating time and energy; bonding between males and females evolved to enable individuals From cooperating with a breeding mate until the species-specific parental duties have been completed.”

Chemistry and complications

The science of love posits that these systems of emotion enable us to develop synchronous mating strategies. Brain chemistry allows us to form a long-term relationship with one partner while practicing fornication on the side.

Dr Fisher added: “Men and women can express a deep attachment to a spouse or long-term mate at the same time they are expressing an attraction to another person, and also while they are feeling a sex drive in reaction to situations unrelated to either partner. We are physiologically able to “Love” more than one person at the same time.

However, in our modern society, this brain structure has created a lot of complications for us. Dr. Fisher’s study found that “the development of these three emotional trigger systems contribute to contemporary patterns of marriage, adultery, divorce, remarriage, stalking, murder and other crimes of passion, and clinical depression due to romantic rejection.” Romantic rejection can also lead to sexual jealousy, physical abuse, and even suicide.

Can love last?

Is chemistry everything in love then? Does this mean that we are slaves to these three emotion systems? Can we really have a lasting, meaningful relationship free of infidelity? Well, it depends. But fortunately, it doesn’t depend entirely on your brain chemistry.

“Chemistry is not quantifiable,” Dr. Fisher believes, as many other factors come into play when developing a romantic relationship.

Variables such as personality, physical appearance, scent, skills, personality, and even temperament all determine who we feel attracted to and who we fall in love with.

She said, “Your personality is shaped by everything you grew up with. Your temperament is built on your biology. Together they create who you are.” Thus, it can be really difficult to quantify how much of a role brain chemistry plays in relationships and how much other factors influence. “One moment it’s the rules of chemistry, the next it’s your upbringing,” Fisher added.

Neuroscientist Dr. Gabija Tolikit believes that “love as the greatest experience can last.” Whether or not you can get a committed and loyal partner depends on your perception.

Love causes us to develop deep bonds and bonds that can lead to lasting commitments because we intentionally become part of an exclusive relationship. However, “If any steps are compromised, for example, someone learns that the person is very different from what we knew, that can change the experience,” Tolkitt said.

The science of love and hope

But there is still hope. A 2011 study by Dr. Fisher discovered that couples in their 50s and 60s were still in love with their partners when analyzed using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). It found that key brain pathways associated with romantic love were still active in the subjects. Fisher said, “These long-term partners still feel some intense feelings in the early stage of romantic love, so yes, it is possible.” However, she warned, “You have to choose the right one.”

Even with so much research, we still understand very little about love and the science behind it. But we don’t need the science of love to understand or experience what love actually feels like. We all have our own definition of love. And while your brain chemistry may play a crucial role, how strong your relationship will be, and how happy your partner will be with you, is still up to you.