Mothers are often in the spotlight when it comes to narcissistic parenting, but where are fathers during this conversation?
Having a narcissistic father can also greatly impact children, leaving behind a great deal of trauma and self-loathing.
Psychologist Kim Sage highlighted this issue in a recent video he posted on TikTok, sparking an important conversation about the most obvious sign your parent may be a narcissist.
According to Sage, “Narcissistic parents tend to blame their children for their poor relationship with their children.”
She goes on to say that these men are “forever victims of their children.”
Related: 10 Signs The Person You Love Is A Narcopath (A Mix Between A Narcissist And Sociopath)
Why narcissistic parents play the victim – and how to deal with them
Cognitive dissonance
When you get into an argument with your narcissistic parent, you’ve probably wondered why he constantly adopts a victim mentality.
“Narcissists operate from a perspective of deprivation, believing that there is never enough respect for their feelings, needs, and uniqueness,” explains Julie L. Hall, author of The Narcissists in Your Life.
Despite their charming facade, Hall says these parents lack a developed sense of self and self-worth, leading them to believe that they are truly superior to others and that their feelings should matter more.
This deception creates cognitive dissonance with reality, which may explain why these parents tend to blame their children for the deterioration of their relationship.
Hypersensitivity
In addition, these parents like to play the victim because of their extreme sensitivity. Although it may seem hard to believe, narcissists really believe they should get what they want, and any minor setback, Hall explains, sends them spiraling out of control.
In order to stay in control, they will lash out at their children, making their children feel guilty about things that are not even their fault.
lack of empathy
In addition to their lack of empathy, Hall says these parents struggle to see situations from anyone’s point of view other than their own, making it difficult to acknowledge their mistakes.
The challenge of holding the narcissistic father accountable
Maybe your narcissistic parent constantly blamed you, making you feel unheard and ashamed.
According to marriage and family therapist Caryl McBride, “The trademark of narcissistic personality disorder or even someone who has a large number of narcissistic traits is this weird accountability problem.”
Narcissists blame others for their self-loathing and fragile ego.
Think of a glass water bottle that has already been cracked on the outside. This bottle barely holds together, so when another small crack appears it explodes.
Point out that your narcissistic parent goes into a state of explosive rage and hurls insults to break you down.
Like high school bullies, their goal is not only to maintain their ego, but to destroy your self-worth in the process.
Related: I Let The Small Stuff Slide And He Divorced Me — The 10 Things I Missed
How to deal with a narcissistic father
The first step is to realize that he is not only difficult to understand, but manipulative. This realization is crucial, because it helps you better understand why enforcing boundaries is important.
Picture this: Your narcissistic parent shows up at your house, clearly uninvited. He may have decided to do this because you have recently expressed your need for space. Even though he intentionally tests your limits despite pushing and shoving you, you know better.
By seeing his manipulative tendencies, you assert your boundaries and, if necessary, ask for help or walk away from the situation. Your father, astonished, responds negatively, but you insist on keeping your boundaries intact, eliminating his toxicity immediately and preserving your mental health in the process.
