The overt narcissist is the easiest to recognize. By definition, he grabs all the attention with his assertiveness, outgoing nature, and apparent confidence. So it is natural that it is synonymous with narcissism. However, lurking behind the scenes, in the shadows, is the always quiet, low-energy, hidden narcissist – the Robin to the narcissistic Batman, who is secretly harboring grandiose plans to replace Batman.
Here we see two sides of the same coin. Grandiosity is one of the common traits between covert and overt narcissists. They both believe they have limitless power and abilities. However, there is a subtle difference. One sided with the life instinct, the other with the death instinct.
To recognize a narcissist, all you have to do is track his shyness
The apparent narcissist flaunts his shyness and brags about it, while the hidden narcissist lives in it constantly. If you challenge the narcissist’s apparent authority, he will avoid you, repel you, ridicule you, and fight his way out of shame.
As for the hidden narcissist, he does not have any power in the world, except the illusions that he hides in his mind. Unlike the overt narcissist, the covert narcissist is neither encouraged nor supported to shine. His feelings of curiosity, wonder, and light were instantly crushed, and he sank into shame, which eventually turned into a permanent state of lethargy known as toxic shame.
The apparent narcissist had conditional love from his parents, but at least he was loved. Given a path to excellence. They may have been celebrated for their beauty, for being the firstborn of the family, for their intelligence, etc. As for the hidden narcissist, he did not find a real way out, and embraced within him an excruciating pain of shame that could not be healed.
The hidden narcissist is highly sensitive
The covert narcissist is called the fragile narcissist for good reason: his core is wounded. His exposure is unbearable for him, and the slightest stimulus in the present brings back memories of the trauma he experienced in his childhood. For this reason, he maintains a compact and carefully balanced personality, seeking to satisfy his ego while protecting himself from harm. Here the maddening behavior that characterizes covert narcissism appears; He dramatizes your weaknesses from afar, avoiding accountability.
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A covert narcissist is difficult to detect because they avoid the spotlight, yet still cling to an idealized image of themselves. They also have the illusion that they are different from the “normal” people around them. The hidden narcissus, according to his belief, knows more, sees more, and feels more.
The covert narcissist is delusional and believes that he is special, but he carries deep shame inside him, and he can never act in the outside world to prove it. He is so sensitive to shame that he avoids criticism at all costs. As a result, the covert narcissist details his experiences, deluding himself with the reasons for his failure. He also never accepts any outside opinion that proves his feeling of specialness wrong. It often goes in one ear and out the other.
As for the apparent narcissist, he feels that he has value in the world, and is happy to engage in conflicts with others to assert his dominance. One faces life bravely, the other avoids the cruelty of the world at all costs, preferring to manipulate things from behind the scenes. Both are vulnerable to narcissistic rage when insulted or feeling inferior. However, the overt narcissist is better able to defend against this, while the covert narcissist will explode more easily.
