Divorce is never an easy process, but when one partner is a narcissist, the situation can become especially difficult. Narcissists, with their inflated sense of self-importance and lack of empathy, will not hesitate to pull some underhanded stunts to try to manipulate the divorce process to their advantage. These methods can greatly complicate the divorce process, can be emotionally exhausting and are legally challenging. This post aims to highlight some common tactics used by a narcissist during divorce and how to deal with them effectively.

1. Playing the victim: The most common narcissistic divorce tactic
   One of the most common tactics a narcissist uses during the divorce process is to play the victim. This is a calculated strategy they use to manipulate the narrative to their advantage.

Narcissists are skilled actors, adept at portraying themselves as innocent victims wronged by their partners. They will meticulously weave a story of their suffering, carefully ignoring their transgressions while highlighting their partner’s perceived faults.

This narrative is then presented to others – friends, family, and even legal professionals involved in the divorce proceedings.

The goal of this tactic is twofold.

First, it allows the narcissist to gain sympathy and support from those around him. By portraying themselves as the wounded party, they can rally allies to their cause, further alienating their partner.

Second, it deflects blame and responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship. In the narcissist’s story, they are never the villain, always the hero, or often the victim.

This tactic can be particularly harmful if it results in influencing mutual acquaintances or legal professionals. This can lead to a skewed perception of the situation, which may affect the outcome of the divorce proceedings.

Furthermore, it can create a feeling of isolation and betrayal in the other partner, who may feel wrongly accused and misunderstood.

But it is necessary to understand that this is just a tactic, a mirage created by the narcissist to maintain control of the situation.

Realizing this can be the first step towards confronting it.

By maintaining clear communication and documentation

interactions, and by seeking professional counseling, you can begin to deconstruct the narcissistic victim narrative and make sure your side of the story is heard.

Remember, the narcissist thrives on drama and manipulation. Don’t let their performance distract you from the reality of the situation or prevent you from seeking a fair and equitable resolution to your divorce.

2. Gaslighting: A narcissist’s main divorce tactic
   Gaslighting is one of the most insidious narcissistic divorce tactics, designed to sow doubt in the minds of their partners. It involves making another person question their reality, memory or perceptions, leading them to believe that they are losing control of their mind.

This psychological manipulation is a favorite tool in a narcissist’s arsenal, designed to confuse their partner and gain the upper hand.

In the context of divorce, gaslighting can take many forms.

Narcissists may vehemently deny saying certain things, even when confronted with evidence. They may twist your words, taking phrases out of context to fit their narrative.

Or they may accuse you of misremembering events, insisting that their distorted version of reality is the truth.

Over time, these techniques can erode your self-confidence and make you begin to doubt your experiences and judgments.

Recognizing manipulation for what it is—a manipulative, narcissistic divorce tactic—is the first step toward confronting it.

Stay grounded in your reality and trust your memories and perceptions.

Lean on supportive friends, family, or a therapist who can help validate your experiences and maintain perspective.

3. Legal manipulation: Another narcissistic divorce tactic
   Legal manipulation is another common narcissistic divorce tactic.

Narcissists are often untroubled by moral considerations, and are willing to exploit the legal system to their advantage. They will use different strategies to control actions and ensure that the outcome is consistent with their interests.

One such strategy is to unnecessarily prolong the divorce process. By prolonging the proceedings, the narcissist can put pressure on their partner, hoping to wear them down into submission. They may refuse to provide necessary documents or information, creating roadblocks that delay resolution.

Unreasonable financial demands are also a common narcissistic divorce tactic. Narcissists will demand an unfair share of marital assets or insist on burdensome alimony payments, hoping to leverage financial stress to their advantage.

Finally, narcissists may use the court as a stage for their plays, turning the proceedings into a drama-filled spectacle. They will portray themselves as the aggrieved party, attempt to discredit their partner, or make outrageous claims to deflect attention and compassion toward themselves.

These narcissistic divorce tactics can make the legal process more difficult.

However, having a skilled attorney who understands these tactics can be invaluable in countering them. Stay organized, keep accurate records, and focus on your legal rights and interests.

Don’t let the narcissist’s manipulations derail your pursuit of a fair and just divorce settlement.

4. Using children as pawns: A painful narcissistic divorce tactic
   When children are involved in a divorce, they often become unwitting pawns in the narcissist’s game of control and manipulation. This is one of the most disturbing narcissistic divorce tactics, because it not only affects the spouses, but it also has a profound impact on the lives of innocent people caught in the crossfire.

Narcissists will try to turn the children against their other parent by portraying them in a negative light or blaming them for the divorce. They may also use custody disputes to maintain control and create conflict, viewing the process as a win-lose situation where getting the upper hand is crucial.

In some cases, narcissists may manipulate children’s emotions to gain their loyalty, making promises they cannot keep or showering them with gifts to influence their emotions. The ultimate goal of these narcissistic divorce tactics is to use children as tools to hurt their partner and assert control of the situation.

Therefore, it is essential to maintain open lines of communication with your children during this time, to reassure them of your love and commitment. Seek professional help if necessary, such as a child psychologist who can provide guidance on dealing with these difficult circumstances.

5. Smear campaigns: the deceptive narcissistic divorce tactic
   Another common narcissistic divorce tactic is to launch smear campaigns against their ex-spouses. These campaigns are designed to discredit their ex, thus isolating them from their support network and creating a narrative that favors the narcissist.

In their quest to get to the top, narcissists spread lies or exaggerations about their ex-wives, and share private information or false accusations with mutual friends, family members, or even colleagues and employers. The goal here is not only to discredit their ex, but also to gain sympathy and support for themselves.

These smear campaigns can be incredibly damaging, resulting in a loss of trust and support at a time when it is needed most.

Responding to these tactics requires a careful balance.

While it’s important to defend your reputation, getting drawn into a muddy battle can often play into the narcissist’s favor. Instead, maintain your dignity, focus on the facts, and trust that, with time, the truth will prevail.

Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who know you well and can see through the narcissist’s attempts to distort your character.

Protect yourself from narcissistic stunts

When dealing with these tactics, it is very important to protect yourself emotionally and legally. Here are some strategies:

1. Seek Legal Representation: A skilled attorney who understands high-conflict divorces can guide you through the process and help you anticipate and counter the narcissist’s maneuvers.
2. Document everything: Keep careful records of all interactions, including emails, texts, and in-person conversations. This evidence can be invaluable in court proceedings.
3. Set boundaries: Minimize your contact with the narcissist as much as possible. Keep communication brief, factual, and emotionless.
4. Prioritize self-care: Make sure you take care of your mental health. Consider seeking therapy or joining a support group to help you deal with the emotional toll of divorce.

Stay Focused on Your Goals: Don’t let the narcissist’s theatrics distract you from your goals in the divorce, whether that’s a fair settlement, shared custody, or simply moving on with your life.