The mere term, Christian narcissist, should be an oxymoron. Someone once told me that the difference between tares or weeds and a piece of wheat is impossible to tell until harvest. When the wheat is ready to be harvested, his head, heavy with grains, hangs as if in prayer. The tares always maintain a rigid upright position. So the metaphor sticks. In humans, the difference between a Christian and a narcissist is the difference between humility and pride.
Since I started my blog a little over two years ago, over a hundred women have contacted me about their husbands who, more often than not, are pastors. They are usually spiritually gifted and charismatic priests who charm their congregations and maintain strict control over their subjects. They mistreat their wives and children who remain silent in the face of the worshiping body of the church. Or they are deacons or elders who have been involved in church activities for decades, often exercising a tremendous amount of influence over the board or pastor. Their spouses and children know that leaving means all their friends and family in that church have left them.
Related : 5 Narcissistic Traits in the Prodigal’s Older Brother
What are the signs of a Christian narcissist? Well, just like the wheat and the tares, you have to look for what kind of harvest they bring. Such members of the Christian community inevitably cause great harm. Sometimes their downfall is as spectacular as when they are caught in a case of serial adultery or worse. But more often than not, it is a blight on the group for a long time. It’s not that people don’t know they’re there. But it is easier to find another church or turn a blind eye to the problem. Not sure if you have one in your church? Just like the tares, they have their gifts.
1: The Christian narcissist distorts the Bible and uses it as a weapon.
The purpose of the Word is to enlighten our hearts, convict us of sin, and show us who God is and how we should relate to Him. In this sense, it is a weapon against the enemy, just as the truth defeats lies. But the narcissist uses the Bible to get what he wants. In marriage, this often looks like an unhealthy focus on the wife’s obedience or the woman’s supposed subordination. But if you find yourself confused by the ways someone in your church is using the Bible, tread carefully. The narcissist will misuse the Bible to keep others in slavery, shame them, or even completely control them. Where there is love, there is freedom. The Christian Narcissist The narcissist has no love, and therefore, being attached to someone will begin to feel like a prison.
2: The Christian narcissist destroys the body.
One of the evils that a sense of entitlement brings is the assumption of the right to criticize. Narcissists are experts at deviance. Try to hold someone accountable and you’ll get a litany of everyone’s mistakes, including your own. And there will be enough truth in the accusations to embarrass you into silence. Then the weeds among the wheat will launch a negative campaign against you! Triangulation and division follow the Pharisee. Watch to see who complains first, the longest, and the loudest, and you may have found your resident selfish person.
3: The Christian narcissist is boastful.
One of the things I love about Jesus is that He never tempted me to think I was so much better than you. As the only human who could legitimately use him, Jesus assumed the position of a humble servant. If someone is full of self-admiration, constantly talking about how much he has given, or how much revelation God has given him alone, or what he has done for the church, we have a problem in Houston. The narcissist suffers from grandiose thinking that manifests itself in a disproportionate view of his contributions. Self-importance is the hallmark of a Pharisee, so look for someone who seems to think the church wouldn’t survive without them. They talk but don’t listen.
4: The Christian narcissist is in the middle of everything
Do you have someone in your church who is always interrupting you to make sure everyone knows how they feel? The interruption and violation of privacy are the hallmarks of the narcissist. It’s about attention and control. The narcissist’s goal is to be where everyone else revolves around him. Trying to know everything about everyone is a serious attempt at control. They are the narcissistic Christian garbage collectors of the church, retrieving bits of information that can later be used to leverage their power. They interfere in everyone else’s affairs under the guise of helping or correcting others but they do no wrong. The goal is to gather information and direct others to what the narcissist wants.
5: The Christian narcissist claims love but does not show it.
The narcissist is the first to announce judgment. They know what everyone should do and what should happen if they don’t. But think about the fruit of the Spirit. If we love each other as God loves us, we will have peace, joy, and unity. But self-absorbed people shine at dividing and pitting one against the other. Love forgives, but a self-important person holds a grudge forever. Love gives with sacrifice. The arrogant person has nothing to spare. Love encourages, but the arrogant person cannot bear to praise anyone but himself. Love focuses on the good of others, but selfishness is the hallmark of those who claim to know God but do not.
Related : Five Signs of a Vulnerable Narcissist
In the end, the Christian narcissist is a wolf among the sheep. If you have frequent ugly situations that end in divisions in your church or if you have a church that revolves around one central figure, you may have one in your midst. The real tragedy is the pain that the Christian narcissist’s family must endure. Their families either suffer in silence or risk having the entire church turn on them for leaving the narcissist who usually has a victim mentality. Before you judge your pastor’s wife for leaving, or your perfect church lady’s husband for never attending church, keep in mind that you may be being deceived about who the real victim is. I think the narcissist protests too much.
