No matter how much you want to be in a relationship with someone, there are always some toxic types that you should avoid. Regardless.

We all want very different things in our relationships, and that’s okay. Some of us want hand-holding partners on major adventures, and some of us are looking for something simpler. Whatever you’re looking for, the way you see relationships as a whole will go a long way in identifying the closest and most intimate partnerships.

The secret is knowing what you want, and refining the behaviors and traits you would like to see in your ideal partner.

Our partners neither save nor change us. We are the only ones who can do that to ourselves. For this reason, it is important to enter into partnerships that are open, well-adjusted, and complete – but this requires us to confront our emotional burdens and deal with the insecurities of our past.

If we want to build better relationships, we have to be better partners. This is a transformation that can only come from within, and it can only come from hard work and a commitment to changing the way you see your partner and your partnerships.

Shaping our relationship perceptions

The relationships that make up our inner circles can make all the difference when it comes to how we see ourselves and the world around us. Boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands, and partners offer us everything from emotional support to companionship, but we may find ourselves giving up little things until we’re past the point of return.

Avoiding this means building better relationship perceptions, and that’s a journey that starts from within.

Our romantic relationships are complex and dynamic. We fall in love quickly and we can fall in love just as quickly. When we love, we love deeply and it can often cause us to overlook critical red flags and warning signs which are the best head-to-head right now.

Part of creating happy, lasting relationships is learning how to face problems in those relationships as they arise, something that takes time and understanding to carefully manage.

Although we often claim to have been shocked that our good love got it wrong, more often than not, there are several critical moments that we overlook along the way. When our partners aren’t right for us, they have a funny way of showing us this fact, but it takes a dose of radical honesty to see these warnings for what they are.

To see and accept these red flags for what they are, we have to start loving ourselves and setting boundaries inside and out. Only when we learn to love ourselves can we truly begin to love others and receive the love we deserve.

Related: 8 Evasion Tactics Narcissists Use To Stop You From Questioning Them

The types of toxic relationships we should always avoid

Not all relationships are equal. While the right relationships can bring joy, calm, and even a sense of security into our lives, the wrong ones will break them up in many ways.

From controlling relationships to outright abuse, these are the most toxic types of partnerships to avoid at all costs.

1. Unilateral control
   One-sided relationships are toxic and leave little room for both parties to create transformative or meaningful experiences within their partnerships. When one partner takes all the control, it takes away the independence and value of the other.

Although we all want the best for our partners, we also have to respect their right to be themselves and express themselves in a way that is natural to them.

2. Emotion only
   Have you ever had one of those relationships that caught fire from the moment you met? Oftentimes, crazy, wonderful, romantic relationships burn hard and fast, but they can quickly lead to something toxic that burns the rest of our lives.

When we are so inclined towards these types of relationships, we can find ourselves obsessed and quickly lose our strengths and our uniqueness.

3. The endless bullying
   Bullying in relationships is not normal, normal, or healthy. If your partner belittles y

4. Constant critics
   Monetary relationships are not comfortable, and they make us doubt ourselves and the way we see partnerships in general. A partner who constantly criticizes you is looking to reduce your sense of self and increase your dependence on them and their opinions.

To build fair and healthy relationships, we have to respect each other and only offer criticism that is necessary, needed, kind, and justified.

5. Drama Queens
   Dramatic relationships full of explosive arguments and constant explosions are a waste of time and a distraction from the journey we’re on. When we engage in relationships centered around drama, we find ourselves battling harsh emotional turmoil and ongoing fallout that can lead to self-doubt and skepticism about our partners and relationships.

6. Instant Mania
   Did you find yourself obsessed with someone after only knowing them for a short time? As tempting as it may be to take this for real, obsession is not loved and should be avoided at all costs. Obsession is unhealthy and can force us to immerse ourselves in our relationship in a way that destroys our sense of purpose and self.

Without direction, we stumble whenever we are separated from our partners and fail when faced with challenges on our own.

7. Enablers are many
   An empowering relationship is a particularly toxic one and can quickly turn into something very dependent. Enabling factors encourage their partners to engage in toxic behavior or do their best to ensure that they persist in patterns that keep them confined to the same place in life.

This could be due to their insecurities, but it could also come from a great need to keep you in control, vulnerable, vulnerable, or dependent.

Related: 8 Steps To Recovery After A Controlling Relationship

8. Punitive fatherhood
   Punitive parenting occurs when one partner takes on the role of “parent” in the relationship, monopolizing control, and eliminating punishment when their demands are not met.

The punitive partner does not care about the other person’s needs or even communicate – effectively – about their own. It is only a matter of time before the resentment between the two partners escalates, leading to the inevitable internal breakdown.

9. Very convenient way
   Although we should feel secure in our relationships, we shouldn’t feel comfortable enough to give up on ourselves, our dreams, or our values. Relationships that feel like your favorite pair of slouchy sweatpants seem cute at first, but later, you realize they were holding you back from taking better chances for yourself.

Comfort does not mean happiness and vice versa. Being too comfortable can hold us back from true love.

10. Lies to lies
    Truth and authenticity are the cornerstones of any solid relationship, and without them – cracks are guaranteed to show. It is impossible to work together and grow together as a healthy couple when one of the partners (or both) is hiding the truth in their omissions or outright ploy.

When we lie to each other, we cannot identify problems and close communication channels. Without trust, no one can move forward with good faith.

Why do we fall into toxic relationship traps?
We learn bonding behaviors when we are young, and we continue to test and improve these patterns over time. The things we take in in childhood can follow us throughout our lives, but there are also several other places where we learn about toxic relationship patterns that leave us stuck, fearful, and searching for some happiness in the eternal night.

1. Afraid of being alone
   We live in a society that constantly tells us that our value is directly related to the state of our relationship. From advertisements to movies – romantic relationships form the backbone of happiness. Holding onto these beliefs can get you stuck in some unfortunate situations. Hanging on in relationships because you’re too afraid to be alone is not justified.

It is normal to want a partner, but it does not determine our happiness. Making your happiness depend on someone else will almost always lead to failure. Learn how to make yourself happy, though. This lasts forever.

2. Low self-esteem
   If you can’t respect yourself, it’s hard to find other people who respect you too. Feeling good about ourselves is important; We love ourselves more. Low self-esteem is one of the reasons people find themselves trapped in relationships that don’t work for them, but that self-esteem also comes from several different places.

We may suffer from low self-esteem due to past relationship experiences, or we may suffer from low self-esteem due to traumatic childhood experiences. Whatever the cause, it is essential that you identify and correct it to thrive and break free from your toxic emotions.

3. Patterns not identified
   As humans, we are creatures of habits, but these habits can quickly become destructive or self-destructive. However, the real problem is that even when that’s the case – we often don’t quit. why? Because the fashionable is more comfortable than the unfashionable; A known evil is seen as safer than an unknown potential good.

Our patterns and routines play an important role in our lives. However, just because we do something does not mean that it has to be done; This certainly does not mean that there is no better way to do things in the future.

Related: The 4 Stages Of A Toxic Relationship That Can Break And Rebuild You

The best ways to build healthy relationship visualizations
You can avoid these toxic pitfalls in relationships, by learning how to change the way you see and understand relationships. When we enter into our partnerships as better partners, we are freed from the need to be controlled and controlled, and we also lose our need to be defined by someone else.

Finding the perfect partner requires transforming ourselves into that partner first, but that means digging deep.

1. Create the perfect partner.
   When it comes to our relationships, we spend a lot of time imagining the other person, but we rarely spend much time thinking of ourselves as partners in those same fantasies. If we want the “perfect” partner for us, we need to spend more time working on ourselves so that we can match the quality of the partner we are trying to bring into our lives.

We attract what we bring into the world around us. Wanting the perfect partner is a good thing, but you have to be that person to bring that person into your life.

Before you look for meaning in another person, get to know yourself first. Be real about who you are in a partnership with, and be honest about what you ideally want out of a relationship. Commit to becoming the type of person who attracts loyal, honest, ambitious, and open-minded people. Cultivate behaviors that allow you to fill your social circles with the righteous, the honest, and the true.

Everything in this life revolves around energy and action. Attracting quality people (and thus good relationships) into our lives requires having good energy and using that energy to inspire good, positive action. The more you put these good deeds into the world around you, the more you will attract the attention of other good people who are looking for partners with these qualities.

Good, honest, and hardworking people do not fall from the sky. They are around other people who are good, honest, and hardworking. So be the partner you want to attract and start living in line with your true purpose.

2. Get rid of your emotional baggage.
   Our emotional baggage goes a long way in undermining our happiness and well-being in general, but it can cause some serious obstacles when it comes to our relationships. We have to resolve our emotional burdens or risk finding ourselves in obsessive or short-lived partnerships or fueled by fears and shortcomings that we focus on in ourselves.

Don’t jump into a relationship and expect it to ease the pain you’ve run away from in the past. If you are still in contact with your ex, the new partner will not erase it – it will distract you from him for a short time. Likewise, emotional and mental disorders cannot be cured by ‘love’. However, we can manage and use it in ways that make us better partners.

Get rid of your emotional baggage before you join your life with someone else. Our partnerships require us to closely intertwine with people who also deal with the adversities in our lives. It is unfair to burden another person with the expectation of our emotional healing.

Don’t make your pain a burden to someone else. Heal yourself, and through that healing, you find emotional balance and better ways to connect.

3. Make peace with your past.
   The past is an important place to start when looking to improve the way we see relationships. Our past contains the experiences that make up our “baseline,” or the general level of understanding and acceptance we have about life.

If you come with a past filled with turbulent childhood memories or partnerships that rock often, you’ll likely see relationships as a battlefield – rather than a mutual celebration of love, companionship, and… commitment.

If you’re experiencing relationships that are constantly faltering, or you find yourself struggling to trust your partners (no matter what), it could be a sign that you need to take a look at your past. Start at the beginning, and think of any little things that might make you view relationships as challenges, not benefits.

Things like divorce, abuse, and even neglect from our parents can go a long way in shaping how we view not only ourselves but our partners as well.

Work backward, and find a way to untie every heartbreak knot that tells you it’s not safe to trust, or love isn’t safe. If you are someone with mile-high walls, find the foundations of those walls and wreck the events that told you (and your subconscious mind) that relationships were dangerous and not safe.

Sometimes the help of a mental health professional can go a long way in helping us safely untie this knot, but meditation and mindful journaling are great places to start, too.

4. Understand your life is your responsibility.
   Many of us mistakenly fall into relationships believing that they will provide some kind of redemption from the things that plague us. However, the problem with this is that it leads to inevitable disappointment. This is because no one can save us but ourselves, and no one can understand our problems as closely as possible.

Our life is our responsibility, and we have to accept that to attract good partners.

Stop looking for some kind of fairytale hero to pounce on you and save you. If you feel like life is stressing you down or dragging you down, figure out what’s going wrong and then figure out your way back to shore.

No matter how much we love someone – and no matter how much they love us – they cannot give us self-confidence, they cannot give us our ambition, they cannot give us our abilities or our value. These are the things that are decided entirely by us, and we are on our own.

We are the masters of our lives, and we control how happy or sad we are in that life. Partners do not make us happy, but they can contribute to the greater sense of joy we get from the overall experience of joy.

5. Find happiness internally.
   Along the lines of salvation, happiness is another factor in this life that we mistakenly contribute to having a partner on our own. Relationships (on their own) cannot make us happy. If partnerships alone were all that was needed for joy, not many people would be in therapy.

Our romantic relationships are complex, and while they can certainly add to our overall experience, they can’t define who we are and they can’t fill that annoying gap inside.

If you are sad outside your relationship, you will be sad in your relationship. Think of your ideal partner. Are they happy? sad? Complete misery to be around? If we want happy, well-adjusted partners: we must be happy, well-adjusted partners. Placing the expectation of your happiness on someone else is not only unfair – it’s selfish, too.

Find happiness internally and stop expecting the outside world to give you it. We make the conscious choice every day to see this world how we want to see it. We can absorb the misery around us and allow it to absorb us, or we can choose to be happy and find our way to building our own (and fulfilling) lives.

Before you look for a partner who will give you the happiness you are looking for, try to cultivate it yourself.

6. Know (exactly) what you want.
   Perhaps the biggest mistake we make before getting into any relationship is not spending enough time thinking about who we are and what we want. More often than not, we find ourselves in toxic toxic relationships because we stumble upon them as we stumble through life.

Confusion and stumbling happen when we don’t have a clear view of the plan and we don’t have plan. When you get lost, you meet other lost people along the way. Nobody knows where you’re going, and you find yourself in places you don’t want to go.

Spend some time getting to know yourself, and spend time getting to know what you really and truly want out of your life – and any relationships that may exist within it. Don’t be shy about your facts, and don’t allow other people’s opinions and pressures to push you in any direction you don’t want to go.

Only when you are brutally honest with yourself can you attract the right partners who want the same thing. If you want flowers, picket fences, and 2.5 children – be honest about it, and do not hide it in an attempt to make the wrong person suitable for you.

Be who you are, and through that authenticity find those who truly align with you and your journey. Relationships that stand the test of time are not formed by personal similarities or will alone. They are managed by uniting two people who are striving for the same things in their lives.

Put everything together…

It is difficult to find the perfect partner, and this is not facilitated by trying to overcome the daily challenges of modern life. We want a relationship that adds stability and joy to what we’re trying to build, but that often takes a lot more inner work than we realize.

If we want the perfect partner, we have to be the perfect partner, and this requires knowing the truth of what is holding us back.

Attract the perfect partner by becoming the perfect partner. Work on yourself from the inside out and identify the things in yourself that you want from your future partners. Throw out your emotional baggage and make peace with your past, so you can come to the table with a clean slate and the ability to communicate honestly and seriously with someone without being held back by insecurity and streaks.

Stop expecting your partners to make you happy and create that happiness in yourself. After all, we have to be what we want to attract into our lives. Happy and confident people attract other happy and confident people. Spend some time loving yourself and spending time getting to know (inside and out) what you want from your partner and your relationships.