There is a perception that men tend to have difficulty dating and staying in a relationship with successful women. What is the real truth about this? Is Successful Dating a Woman Myth or Reality?
Do smart men really get married?
About 14 years ago, the psyche of successful single women was singing with anxiety when journalist John Schwartz wrote an article in The New York Times entitled “The Glass Ceiling in the Altar as Well as the Bedroom.” He claimed that “men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses”.
The following year, Maureen Dowd followed it up with another column in The Times (and a book, Are Men Necessary?), in agreement with Schwartz. The authors’ clear thesis: Men prefer marriage. Since then, the media has continued this narrative to lend credence to successful women dating blues.
Many of the college-educated, professional, or financially successful women in our training program worry that they are too qualified for love. Some people think it’s best to hide their success when they meet a guy.
Others feel they have to stick with the one they have a DUD on, even though it doesn’t work because their chances there aren’t good. This is true even for twenty-somethings like Joe, who works in the financial sector. “It’s easy; I get nervous talking about work on a first date.”
Dating Successful Women: Separating Myth From Fact
Schwartz and Dodd both rely on a single study to back up their claims. Let’s examine this study published in the Journal of Evolution and Human Behavior. Researchers tested 120 college students by asking them to rate their attraction to a photo of a woman described as a “superintendent,” “co-worker,” or “assistant.”
When it came to dating or marrying, these undergraduates indicated that they were more attracted to “helpers.” This is. From this study of undergraduates, the authors concluded that men prefer non-threatening women as life partners.
The research has at least four serious flaws. First of all, this was a study of students at a university, not men of an age at which they would normally choose a mate. Second, there were only 120 subjects, which is not a particularly large sample from which to draw such comprehensive conclusions.
Third, a “superintendent” was described as someone who had “the responsibility for disciplining absences or poor performance on your part, for rewarding reliable or creative performance.” These young men reject a woman who has virtual control over their career! They did not reject a woman who was described simply as strong.
Finally, the study design was all about a picture with no real interaction. In conversation, brighter women may easily have an advantage about brighter men. By all clinical and research accounts (as you’ll soon see), intelligence and intelligent conversation play very important roles in partner selection! In short, Schwartz and Dodd’s premise about successful women dating is built on a house of cards.
Do successful people get married? of course not
Is the notion that successful men tend to get married corroborated by other research? The answer is “no”. Numerous studies of partner choice conducted around the world have found that the homeopathic rule applies. That is, couples tend to show similar educational achievements! They also marry partners who are similar in attitudes, religion, and values.
In the past thirty years, as women become better educated, they tend to marry educated men. This trend replaced the historical pattern whereby, due to a lack of educational opportunities, women were more likely to marry more educated males. This is marriage. Today, since people spend a lot of time in school, they deliberately look for partners in college or graduate school.
Researchers Blossfeld and Thiem, who have studied homosexuality for more than a decade, found that rates of educational homosexuality have increased over the past century. Of women in their 40s in the United States, more than half, 51 percent, have been married to a partner of a similar degree.
Only 27 percent are married and 21 percent are married. Education has changed our society, and women have not been harmed by it. They are the primary beneficiaries. So successful women should go into dating with confidence.
Recent global studies on mate selection
Two studies conducted in Europe and Australia showed that smart men prefer and are pleased with smart women. First, in a study of educational homogeneity in marriage in 22 countries, 14 countries showed a strong tendency toward homosexuality. While at seven, the guys are already married! Second, the Australian study of 5,000 subjects revealed that men who married educated women were happier than those who partnered with uneducated women.
Furthermore, the author concluded that a man’s level of happiness increased by 8 percent for each year of his wife’s education after high school. So a college graduate brought her man 32 percent more happiness than a high school graduate. Solid research conducted around the world shows that the more educated women become, the more attractive they are to the opposite sex.
A 2017 study showed that more women hold advanced degrees than men at the same level of education. These researchers looked at US census data that showed that the number of men getting married is declining. While the number of men who marry is increasing.
For men in the 1990s, 38 percent were married and only 25 percent were. In the latest figures, 28 percent are married, while 35 percent are married. Therefore, men of all types prefer dating and marrying successful women.
Do looks play a role in dating successful women?
Beauty plays a major role in the romantic choices men make. But here’s the surprise. Smarter women tend to take better care of their bodies and therefore may be more visually attractive. Being visually attractive or, as the researchers put it, having body symmetry has long been known to be an important component of mating. Not just with humans but in the entire animal kingdom.
In her wonderful book, Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women, Christine Whelan concludes that smart women have beauty and brains and are therefore more attractive. The bottom line is, “Gentlemen prefer brains.”
The news is good ladies because successful women date and find amazing partners. You don’t have to worry about your ambition and power ruining your chances of love.
Five tips for dating success
Solid research shows that you counter your negative beliefs with positive love affirmations.
Remember to make love a priority in your life.
Get more education if you need it.
Discover your feminine, futuristic and beautiful side with men.
Let the men be cooperating.
Related: 7 Strong Warrior Traits Strong Women Look For in Men
A final note on successful dating and relationship issues for women
There was a delay in the age of marriage and childbearing. But they can still do both — not necessarily in that order! Study after study has concluded that education has become less of a barrier to both motherhood and marriage.
So keep all these positive facts in mind. These days you can have success, marriage, and children if you want them. And be with a winning loving man. This post about issues with successful dating for women is excerpted in part from my recently revised and updated dating advice book, Love in 90 Days.
Additional resources for dating successful women
If you are struggling and need immediate help, take advantage of a dating strategy session with one of our expert coaches. Let me buy you a session so you can see how important this work is to you.