Love is the greatest blessing for humanity. Soul bonds allow us to experience true and deep love and a soul connection with our soul mate. But with love comes want and a craving that causes suffering, according to Buddhism.

So how can we love someone deeply without experiencing the agony of attachment?

by separation.

Is perfect love a curse?

When we are in love with a good person, we tend to look for signs and clues to tell us that this person is the one. So we don’t hesitate to put certain labels on our relationship like true love, soulmates, twin flames, and soul ties. These labels make us feel better about our relationship, about the relationship we share with each other and about ourselves.

But we rarely understand what these labels actually mean. Most of us have little or no idea of the true essence of these heavy and meaningful terms. All we know is that using these signs makes us feel good about our relationship. In doing so, we may be intentionally polluting the emotional connection we are so keen to build, nurture, and nurture.

When we call someone our soul mate, we only make things worse. By defining our relationships as spiritual connections, we are setting ourselves up for failure. how? by our expectations.

Since we lack a true understanding of what these labels mean, we mistakenly believe that these make our emotional connection stronger and better… perfect. And this is where the downward spiral begins.

There is no perfect human being on the entire planet. There is no perfect relationship in the entire universe. Everything is imperfect and imperfect and that is exactly where beauty and love lie.

But as our expectations rise through the use of these labels, so do our dreams, aspirations, and hopes from our relationship skyrocket. And when these clearly unreasonable expectations are left unfulfilled, we are left confused and hurt. We wonder about the health of our soul mate and wonder how we can sever these spiritual ties.

But that’s not how relationships work. And I found it the hard way. Fortunately, being a practitioner of Buddhism, I found my way to love and light (albeit a little late) and understood what true love actually means. (Spoiler: perfect love is universal, unconditional love. That’s true love. But more on that later.)

But to understand the Buddhist perspective on love and emotional connection in a relationship, we first need to understand what soul bonds actually mean.

What are soul relationships?

Soul ties are the strong, inexplicable, and intense emotional bonds we share with another person. Also known as soul cords, soul ties can occur in any type of relationship and are not limited to romantic ones.

Although the relationship may or may not involve sexual activity, it is often felt most strongly after we become physically intimate with our romantic partner, with whom we share this bond. This spiritual connection with another person is rooted deep in our soul.

“It’s a deep relationship, an everlasting bond. It’s a tie. It’s a bond that doesn’t necessarily end when or if the relationship ends,” explains author Elian Youssef.

However, attachment is often misunderstood as an emotional connection when we try to add spirituality to normal human feelings. But when an emotional connection is formed on the basis of detachment and unconditional love, a soul bond can develop even in non-romantic relationships.

Soul connections have the ability to influence us powerfully which is why it is often important that we cut that spiritual cord at the end of a relationship, before moving on.

When you don’t cut the bonds of the soul

While I don’t care much about all these fancy terms like soul ties and twin flames, I do believe that we do have spiritual connections with some people in our lives, and some of them may not necessarily be romantic. My faith became stronger when I met my ex… I knew in my heart that she was.

It was the deepest, most intimate relationship I’ve ever been in. She was an amazing human being who always brought out the best in me and led me to reach my full potential, both in my career and in my life.

It felt like home – a place of deep spirituality where I felt at peace. If it’s not a soul mate, I don’t know what is.

But the problem started when I started thinking of her as my soul mate. My expectations of her became unrealistic and no matter how much she cared about me, it just wasn’t enough for me.

She was supposed to be my soul mate and was supposed to do everything right. At the slightest sign of complications, which are a normal part of any healthy relationship, I would doubt the health of our relationship. And in the end it made things worse.

My lack of understanding of what a healthy relationship meant and my excessive focus on soul connections ended my beautiful relationship. But only if it has a happy ending. She refused to end the relationship. I refused to let her go. I refused to go forward. The love I had for her soon turned into manipulation and abuse.

Why? Because it was meant to be The One. You were supposed to be my soul mate.

Is this true love? Is this what soul bonds feel like?

This was just an unhealthy association that I confused with an emotional connection. Long story short, my misunderstanding about what soul ties mean leads me to the end of a beautiful relationship. What I fail to realize is that soulmates don’t have to be life partners.

Soul bonds don’t have to last forever. They are intended to aid in our journey of self-discovery, spiritual awakening, and enlightenment. They are not the destination.

And this is where Buddhism came in. Being a lifelong practitioner of Buddhist philosophies, I turned to the teachings of Gautama Buddha in my darkest hour. That’s when I found the answer.

leave it!

Get rid of attachments.

Get rid of desires.

Let go of your need to be happy.

What Buddhism teaches us about love

“If you cannot change and nurture the suffering in you and the other person, then it is not true love.” – Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist monk, and author.

So what do Buddhists think about relationships? According to world spiritual leader Thich Nhat Hanh, also known as the Father of Mindfulness, the Buddha believed in universal, unconditional love — the love we have for Mother Earth.

Romantic love can be a source of joy and happiness for most people if their love is genuine. However, if the relationship is not based on true love, it can lead to pain and suffering for both partners.

So what is true love? Quite simply, love is unconditional. Love without attachment. According to Buddha’s teachings, true love is based on four elements –

Maitri (loving-kindness)
Karuna (mercy)
Mudita (joy)
Upeksha (inclusiveness)

Here’s Why These Elements Are Important For A Healthy Love Relationship –

Maitre (Loving Kindness)
Maitre refers to one’s ability to make someone happy through loving-kindness. If we cannot make our romantic partners happy in a relationship, there is a distinct lack of emotional connection. However, to make another person happy, you must first make yourself happy.

If you struggle to meet your emotional needs, not only will you not be happy in life, but you will also erode your self-esteem, eroding your ability to give happiness to your partner.

I thought my happiness was tied to my partner and that’s why I was clinging so hard to her. But once I let it go, I realized that my happiness was in accepting myself. Now that I am happy, I know how to make my loved ones happy.

Related: 13 Signs They Are Into You Too

2 – Karuna (mercy)
Empathy allows us to empathize with others and help reduce the suffering of those in need. Karuna allows us to show that we truly care about the person we love without being asked, rather than just saying so.

According to Buddhism, compassion is one of the key components of true love that can help us replace suffering with happiness in ourselves and our loved ones.

In my previous relationship, not only did I fail to reduce my partner’s suffering, I added to her suffering by being needy and clingy, having unreasonable expectations, and having an insecure attachment.

But as I developed empathy and compassion, I was able to recognize the pain I was making her go through. That’s what prompted me to let her go. It was only when I loved her unconditionally that I was able to bring happiness back into her life by walking away.

3 – Modita (Joy)
Mudita is a Pali and Sanskrit term that means acting joyful and sympathetic. It is a kind of secondary or indirect happiness that we get from feeling happy and excited about the well-being of others. In Buddhism, this kind of selfless joy from another person’s good fortune is a vital aspect of true love.

When you make your partner cry out of insecurities or ego, it will lead to unhappiness inside of you as well. This is not a sign of true love, whether in a romantic or non-romantic relationship. This is why we need to stop being controlling and jealous and learn how to cultivate mudita. And the way to do that is through awareness.

Once I became aware of my limitations in my relationship, I gained the ability to do what was right, even if it wasn’t directly beneficial to me. Leaving the love of my life was such a positive experience for me simply because it made her happier, which in turn made me happy.

Upeksha (inclusiveness)
When you single out and exclude the person you love from what is important to you, that is not true love. If you do not feel pain in your partner’s suffering and if your partner is not happy with your accomplishments, then you do not share a spiritual bond with your partner.

I was blind to my partner’s pain in my romantic relationship and focused only on my struggles. But that’s not how soul bonds work.

Where there is true unconditional love, separation or discrimination cannot exist. Buddhists believe that true love is based on inclusiveness. Your suffering is my suffering, my problems, and your problems. This mindset brings relationships closer and makes them stronger.

True love builds soul bonds

When love is rooted in the four elements of true love—Maitrei, Karuna, Mudita, and Upaksha—it becomes unconditional and selfless love, which paves the way for soul-searching relationships. Love, whether romantic or in any other form, can be a great source of happiness, when it’s right.

When love is built on respect, kindness, empathy, compassion, and inclusiveness, it ceases to be conditional. You stop focusing on the object of your love (your partner) and instead focus on love itself. Self-love. Love others. Love for someone special.

Love transcends all attachments, boundaries, and restrictions and this is love in Buddhism. Love permeates everything and extends from oneself to others, nature, and the entire universe.

When you love yourself and every other living being unconditionally and separately, that’s when you build a spiritual connection with others.

Breaking soul ties

Soul bonds are divine bonds that help us grow and develop on our spiritual journey. So why do we want to cut the tie of the soul? Because these emotional bonds are not necessarily eternal.

Every person and every relationship has a purpose and once that purpose is achieved, they lift us off, strengthening us to continue our journey. When we are not able to realize this, we become entangled in suffering and prevent ourselves from understanding our higher purpose. Instead, we fall into a dark abyss that can turn devastating in so many unimaginable ways.

The truth is, true love does not require you to be physical with the person you love. Dispensing with you becomes possible only when all four elements—Maitrei, Karuna, Mudita, and Upaksha—are involved in your love. In essence, love is not just a feeling. Love is infinite. Love without conditions, rules, and limits.

Severing spiritual ties may feel like the end of your relationship, but it is not the end of the love you carry deep in your heart. Love is not concerned with possessing the other person but rather focuses on making them happy—even at the cost of ending the relationship.

Soul bonds are eternal bonds, not permanent relationships. Love does not come with any guarantees. If so, it is not unconditional love.

Letting go isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but it sure makes sense when you’re really in love.