If your ex has a narcissistic personality, he or she may have moved on to the next relationship shortly after you broke up. Did they ever care? Will they come back? It’s natural to wonder.

It’s also normal to feel confused and hurt when your ex breaks things off with you after expressing how much he loves you and wants a future with you.

In fact, a romantic relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder may start out as something very exciting and intense. Many people with narcissistic personality disorder may engage in manipulative games such as love bombing.

“They can be very charming in order to attract that person and win them over,” says Shanna Fiebel, a psychologist at the Lindner Hope Center in Mason, Ohio. “They may shower them with gifts and act as if there is no one else in the world.”

This behavior may continue for some time during the relationship until it stops completely without warning. This may leave you very confused and needing to find answers.

For this reason, it is normal to feel that you have not moved on from your relationship yet, but your narcissistic ex did, and quickly.

NPD is not a personal choice. It is a mental health condition with formal symptoms that can only be accurately diagnosed by a health professional. This does not mean that you have to accept being treated in a way that hurts you.

Separation from a narcissistic partner

If you are in a relationship with someone with a narcissistic personality, you probably know that breaking up can soon become very painful.

People with narcissistic personality traits may have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions, explains Allison Chawla, MA, LMSW, CC, a psychotherapist in New York state. “You have to consider that they have wires that are broken beyond repair, and for your own well-being, it’s best to walk away and accept that.”

However, every person is different, and this also applies to narcissistic people. There are at least five types of narcissism.

Some narcissists may have difficulty dealing with romantic breakups. Others may move faster, and it may seem as if they never loved you. But things are never black or white.

It can be painful to see your ex move on with someone else while you’re still suffering, but Fiebel explains that when it comes to narcissistic personalities, it’s not always about them walking away from you.

“Narcissists tend to view their love relationships almost as commodities. They look for people who make them look good and help represent the person they want to be like,” she says.

If they feel like they’re not getting what they want from a relationship with you but they could get it from someone else, it may make them move on faster and easier. It’s not about love. It is about status or meeting personal needs.

It is important to note that not everyone who moves on easily after a breakup has a narcissistic personality or mental health condition. Not everyone with a narcissistic personality moves on quickly after a breakup.

When they break up

Some people with a narcissistic personality may move from one relationship to another. This may be the pattern they are used to.

This means that they may try their best to get along with you, and then lose all interest when you commit to them.

They may also have difficulty accepting their flaws and resolving conflicts in relationships.

In these scenarios, they may think it’s easier to break up with you and immediately turn their attention to someone else.

A person with BPD may also see relationships as a space to get all the praise they crave or a place to exert all the power they want. This is what they may be looking for in a relationship.

If they see relationships as something they can get something out of, they may be more likely to move from one to another without much thought.

Most of the time, a person with BPD will not be aware of their symptoms. They may have difficulty thinking for themselves or feeling empathy. That’s why they may end the relationship in a way that seems fair to them without showing concern or interest in how you feel.

For example, they may feel that hiding from you is better than confronting you or telling you how they feel.

They may also break up the relationship to feel like they have power over you, so you have to convince them to stay. In fact, if you’re the one moving on, some narcissists will come back after a breakup to see if they can get you back.

However, not every person with a narcissistic personality will have the same motivations. This is why it is sometimes better to focus on their narcissistic behaviors rather than on their possible intentions.

For example, if they are acting selfishly, cruelly, or generally unhealthy, it’s important to set boundaries and take a step back before they get hurt further.

When you break up

Maybe you decided to end the relationship, and now you’re surprised that your narcissistic ex left so quickly as if he didn’t care.

When you break up with him, it’s also possible that your narcissistic ex-partner will try to “get you back” and won’t take no for an answer. Trying to “get back at you” for leaving them is also a possibility. If so, they will likely walk away for good after they see that you have regained interest.

Remember that they are living with specific symptoms of a condition that may lead them to feel that they must ultimately have control over every situation or that you have misunderstood them and will never find someone better.

Those with more severe symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder may also face greater challenges in dealing with breakups.

This means they may use manipulative tactics and games, act in vindictive ways because you left, or leave the relationship with apparent ease and without regret.

They may do things that make them look good in the eyes of others or make you feel guilty. This may be a way for them to assert their sense of entitlement and superiority, and it may have nothing to do with you.

The narcissist may also get into a new relationship right away to get over the pain of breaking up with you.

Feeling like someone else is giving them attention and praise may help them heal their ego or come back from a narcissistic breakdown. It may be easier for them to believe that you are the problem and that they can find someone else.

Has my ex moved on or has he moved on?

It’s normal to wonder if your narcissistic ex is over you and moving on or if he’s moving on to the next relationship because he never cared.

The answer is, it depends.

Like any other person, a person with a narcissistic personality is capable of falling in love.

Maybe they loved you and stopped caring, or maybe it wasn’t love at all. Perhaps they found in the relationship with you something that satisfies a narcissistic need, and then this feeling stopped as well.

People with narcissistic personality disorder may have difficulty forming secure attachments or communicating their emotions and feelings.

“Behind the narcissist’s seemingly callous behavior, there’s actually a layered cake of low self-esteem and unhappiness,” Chawla says. “Over time, they learn how to survive thanks to the kindness and energy of others.”

She adds that moving on after a breakup may be a coping mechanism for people with narcissistic personalities.

“Oftentimes, they are looking for validation from the void they created in their childhood or developed due to trauma,” Chawla says. “Because they rarely get the actual help the

Will people with narcissistic personality come back one day?

Sure, a narcissistic ex-partner may try to get back at you after a breakup.

People with a narcissistic personality sometimes tend toward impulsive behaviors, and may constantly end and restart relationships for the thrill. It’s a way to find out if they have power over you and if you will allow them to behave that way. Controlling behaviors in relationships are common among narcissistic people.

“The narcissist will stay with you and come back to you as long as you allow him to,” Chawla explains.

But this does not mean that the relationship with them will change. You can still experience vindictive and toxic relationship behaviors.

Your narcissistic ex may need to feel like they have the final say or are able to change your desire to end the relationship. Getting you back may be a challenge for them and not necessarily a romantic act.

How to move on after a breakup

“Getting over any relationship is always difficult. But because they get so strong and then become so cold, people who have been in relationships with narcissists often feel like they’ve been hit in the gut after a breakup,” says Feibel.

An important first step when recovering from a breakup with a narcissist is realizing that you’re not the problem, Chawla says.

Someone with narcissistic personality disorder may tell you that he or she is leaving because of you or something you did or did not do. They may even play the victim or decide to disappear without warning.

It is important to realize that this may be a manipulation game they are playing with you or the way they know how to handle relationships.

What someone says about you does not define you.

It may also help to learn more about the symptoms and causes of borderline personality disorder. “Understand how narcissistic people think and act so you don’t take the breakup too personally,” says Feibel.

Other tips for moving forward

Here are some other things you can try when moving on from a relationship with someone with BPD:

Surround yourself with people you trust and who can support you through difficult times.
Spend some time writing about your relationship. Write about how you felt at the beginning and how you felt at the end. Include the lessons you’ve learned about relationships and yourself.
Focus on yourself. It’s time to think about your goals, needs, interests, and future.
Close all your doors to your ex. Even if there is a part of you that wonders what they are up to or finds it difficult to cut off all communication, try to close the door on any potential contact with them.
If you’re having a particularly difficult time coping with borderline personality disorder, consider talking with a mental health professional who has experience dealing with borderline personality disorder.

Let’s recap

Seeing a narcissistic ex move on quickly after you’ve invested in the relationship can be a difficult situation.

There are many reasons why an ex with a narcissistic personality might move on without looking back or thinking about how you feel. But it’s probably not a personal choice at all. Instead, approaching relationships this way is part of the complexity of narcissism.

Even if you find it difficult at first, focusing on moving forward in the relationship may be the best way to get over the hurt.