Love and attachment are not the same things. We can be attached to something without loving it and we can love someone without being attached to it.
Love and attachment
Whether in relationships or life, we often get attached to certain people and things that lead to negative outcomes. We tend to get attached to almost everything, be it our views, opinions, ideas, places, material possessions, or loved ones. However, almost all attachments are usually unhealthy, and sometimes even toxic. This can bring a lot of anxiety, frustration, suffering and sadness into our lives.
Read also: Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love and the 8 Types of Love
When we are in a relationship, it is important that our love for them be stronger than our attachment to them. In fact, when it comes to romantic relationships, practicing separation can help a relationship last longer than otherwise. When love is based on attachment, it makes you dependent and needy. However, when you love without attachment, you learn to love someone without any conditions and to consciously and freely give yourself to them.
Love and attachment are very different. When you love without attachment, there is no room for ego, insecurities, narcissism, or abuse. As long as you set clear boundaries, a relationship will thrive based on love, trust, and respect alone and without attachment. A relationship steeped in attachment can make partners dependent on each other for self-esteem, validation, personal growth, and self-discovery. This love appears to be flawed because it is based on insecurities, fears, dependencies, and needs.
Read also: 10 Signs That Clearly Say You’re Destined To Be Together
Loving everything without getting attached to anything
Most of us fail to distinguish between love and attachment. So we cannot love without dependence or attachment. The main reason for this is that we are programmed to love circumstances. We want our circumstances and the people around us to adjust to our thoughts and emotions. We want people, places, and things to fill the void inside us and eliminate our loneliness. We want our people and our things to fix our lives. However, we tend to forget that only we can heal ourselves. We have to realize that no one can save us or help us achieve our dreams or find happiness. It is only our responsibility, not someone else’s.
But most of us are not able to accept this idea. This is why we are unable to love without attachment. However, it is possible to separate love and attachment from each other and live a happy and fulfilling life. And it all starts with gratitude and mindfulness. We can only learn to love others and ourselves when we value what we have… when we value our loved ones without wanting them to do something for us… without becoming attached to them. But it is only by understanding that everything is impermanent and every moment is fleeting that we can truly appreciate love.
Read also: Why Love Hurts: 5 Reasons Loving Relationships Can Be Painful
Attachment is temporary, love is forever
This is perhaps one of the biggest differences between love and attachment. Change is the essence of life. Nothing is supposed to last forever. All that we own, all that we cling to so tightly will one day leave us. Relationships end. We lose our loved ones. We lose or change jobs. All the material possessions we work so hard to possess and feel so proud of, will one day lose all value. Our physical body, our youth, our beauty, our wealth, our marriage… everything will come to an end eventually. Nothing is permanent.
Life can be guessed by your breath. No matter how much you try to breathe, you can never hold your breath. You always have to take a fresh breath. It’s the same with life. No matter how attached you are to something or someone, eventually you will have to let go of it. You can’t hold on to it forever.
Unfortunately, we tend to get so attached to so many things in life that we forget the true essence of love. Love is about appreciation. It’s not about making it last. The more we try to hold on to people or things, the greater the pain and emotional suffering. This can never lead to a happy and fulfilling relationship or life.
Read also: We Experience Three Types Of Love In Our Lifetime: Each One for A Specific Reason
Speak with love, silence attachment
Whether in life or relationships, you need to understand the difference between love and attachment. Attachment may feel like love, but it is simply a distortion of feeling. It makes us mistakenly believe that we can’t survive without the other person and that we need to please them to make them love us.
On the other hand, love is without aim or purpose. It flows freely and disappears as fast as it comes. When you love someone or something, you don’t feel the need to own it. Instead, you want to nurture. You want to see it flourish and flourish, whether in your presence or in your absence. Love is like a wild horse running free. Attachment is trying to capture that horse and tame it. Attachment makes us desperate for love and we cling to it to protect our self-esteem. It helps us believe that we are worthy of love.
Attachment is needed. always wants something. He wants to be loved. But love is the cure for attachment. When we allow the love to flow, it can remove unhealthy attachment.
Read also: 3 Crucial Dating Mistakes That Keep You From Finding True Love
