In narcissistic families there is usually a child who is treated differently from others. The narcissistic parent will shower this child with attention and praise, while ignoring or mistreating the other children in the family. This favorite child is known as the golden child. So, what happens to the golden child when he grows up? Does the golden child become a narcissist?

Understanding the golden child phenomenon

The “golden child” is often the recipient of excessive praise, attention, and privilege.

They are the shining star in their parents’ eyes, and their actions and achievements are held up as models of perfection.

This can create an unrealistic self-image for the child, where he believes he is superior to his siblings and peers.

However, it is important to understand that being the golden child does not always lead to narcissism.

The relationship between parental favoritism and narcissistic behaviors is complex and influenced by a variety of factors, including the child’s personality, family dynamics, and parenting style.

How does a narcissist deal with the golden child?

For narcissists, the golden child is a blank slate onto which they can project their aspirations, dreams, and fantasies.

The child’s actual needs and desires do not matter. The narcissistic parent portrays this child to be the ideal version of themselves.

The golden child must always meet the high standards set by the narcissist and will never be good enough.

The golden child is a mirror, and is constantly pressured to think well of the narcissist and make them look good.

The narcissistic parent uses the golden child as support.

They will show off or show off the child’s accomplishments in social situations. If the poor child does not perform at the required level, he will face the wrath of his parents.

The golden child is also a source of narcissistic supply, providing the attention and adulation that the narcissist craves.

They become sycophants of their parents, always agreeing with them and stroking their egos.

The golden child will do anything to please the narcissist, even if it means sacrificing their happiness and well-being.

The impact on the golden child

Stress and self-esteem: The hidden challenges of the golden child
Being the golden child, although it seems like a site of privilege and adoration, often comes with its own unique set of challenges.

This role often places an enormous amount of pressure on the child, resulting in significant impacts on their self-esteem and mental health.

Weigh expectations
Golden children are often held to high, and sometimes impossible, standards set by their parents.

They are often expected to embody their parents’ ideals, achievements, and dreams, and serve as a proxy for their own awesomeness.

This constant need to perform and live up to these expectations can be extremely stressful, leading to a pervasive fear of failure.

Their self-confidence often becomes tied to their external accomplishments, and fluctuates based on whether they perceive they have met or exceeded these high standards.

A high need to please can cause them to grow faster than their peers, becoming super-achievers out of necessity rather than personal ambition.

Impact on self-esteem and mental health
Despite special treatment and adoration, golden children usually suffer from low self-esteem.

Their self-worth becomes conditional on the validation they receive from others, especially their parents.

This reliance on external validation of self-worth can lead to long-term problems in relationships, friendships, parenting, work, and overall self-esteem.

Furthermore, the fear of disappointing their parents, and not living up to the golden image, can lead to anxiety and depression.

They feel intense pressure to maintain their “perfect” image, fearing that any mistakes will lead to a withdrawal of love and acceptance.

Dependency and decision-making: The struggle of the golden child

Golden children often struggle with an underdeveloped sense of self.

Their identity becomes deeply intertwined with their parents’ approval and validation, hindering their ability to make independent decisions and form their own beliefs.

Identity entanglement

One important effect of being a golden child is the struggle to develop a distinct sense of self.

Their identity becomes so intertwined with their parents’ expectations and approval that they often lack a clear understanding of who they are outside of this golden child persona.

They may find it difficult to define their interests, passions and values, as they are always guided by their parents’ desires and expectations.

This can lead to an identity that is largely shaped by others rather than self-discovery and personal growth.

Influence on decision making

This lack of a strong sense of self often leads to difficulties in decision making.

Because their choices are usually influenced or even dictated by their parents, Golden children may have difficulty making decisions independently.

This dependency can extend to different aspects of their lives, from trivial everyday choices to important decisions regarding their education, career, and relationships.

Fear of rejection or disappointment can paralyze them, making it difficult to trust their judgment.

They may constantly seek validation or reassurance from others, and doubt their ability to make sound decisions without outside input.

Long-term consequences

The impact of this dependence can extend into adulthood, affecting career choices and personal relationships.

In their careers, golden children may find themselves gravitating toward careers that their parents approve of or consider prestigious, rather than pursuing their own passions.

In their personal relationships, they may constantly seek validation and approval, leading to potential conflicts and dissatisfaction. They may also have difficulty setting boundaries, as they are accustomed to conforming to others’ expectations and desires.

Relationship conflicts: The golden child’s dilemma

Golden children grow up on a pedestal and expect the same level of adoration and attention from others that they received from their narcissistic parent.

This can lead to unrealistic expectations and potential conflicts, as they grapple with the fact that others may not view them through the same golden lens.

Unrealistic expectations

Being the center of attention in their family, Golden Children often carry this expectation into their relationships outside of the family.

They often expect the same level of adoration, attention, and validation that they received from their narcissistic parent. This can lead to unrealistic expectations in friendships, romantic relationships, and even professional relationships.

They may expect others to always prioritize their needs, agree with their opinions, or be available to them at all times, mirroring the treatment they received when they were the golden child.

This distorted perception of relationships can create unnecessary tension and conflict, because it simply is not possible or healthy for one person to always be the focal point.

Conflicts and possible misunderstandings

These unrealistic expectations often lead to potential conflicts and misunderstandings.

When others fail to meet their high expectations, golden children feel disappointed, misunderstood, or unappreciated. They may find it difficult to understand why others do not treat them with the same respect they received from their narcissistic parent.

This can lead to frequent misunderstandings and disagreements, as they may view others’ actions or words as personal attacks or rejection.

They may also struggle with empathy, as they are accustomed to being the main recipient of attention and care.

Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships

The golden child’s high expectations and potential conflicts can make it difficult to form and maintain healthy relationships.

They may have difficulty understanding the concept of give and take in relationships, and expect others to constantly meet their needs without reciprocating.

Their need for constant validation and approval can also be stressful for their partners or friends, leading to strained relationships.

In addition, they may find it difficult to set appropriate boundaries, as they are accustomed to getting their way and making others submit to their desires.

Identity and Boundaries: The Pervasive Golden Child Dilemma

One of the most important challenges golden children face is their struggle to differentiate their identity from their narcissistic parent.

This entanglement with parents often blurs the lines between their personal boundaries and parental expectations, leading to a range of issues including mental health problems and interpersonal difficulties.

Entanglement and identity formation

Golden children often find it difficult to separate their identity from that of their narcissistic parent.

This entanglement can be so pervasive that they struggle to form a clear sense of who they are as individuals, separate from their roles as the golden child.

Their identity often becomes an extension of their parents’ desires, dreams, and expectations, leaving them little room to explore their own interests, values, or aspirations.

Consequently, they may find it difficult to make decisions independently, always seek their parents’ approval or fear disappointing them.

Struggle with personal boundaries

This entanglement also makes it especially difficult for Golden Children to establish and maintain personal boundaries.

They may feel obligated to fulfill their parents’ expectations at the expense of their own needs and desires.

This lack of personal boundaries can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety whenever they try to assert their own needs or make choices that deviate from their parents’ expectations.

The inability to set healthy boundaries can extend into their adult lives, affecting their relationships and interactions with others.

They may find it difficult to say no or express their own needs, for fear of rejection or conflict. Instead, they may expect others to ignore their boundaries, just as their narcissistic parent did.

Mental health and relationship challenges

Lack of a distinct identity and personal boundaries can contribute to many mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

The constant pressure to meet their parents’ expectations, coupled with the fear of disappointing them, can lead to chronic stress and emotional exhaustion.

Moreover, these issues can also affect their personal relationships.

The inability to set healthy boundaries can lead to unbalanced relationships where they either dominate others or become overly dependent on others.

They may struggle to form meaningful connections, because their relationships are often based on a search for validation rather than mutual respect and understanding.