Is My Boyfriend Cheating? 20 Signs That Your Partner May Be Cheating

If you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship of any kind, cheating is cheating. I cheated and someone cheated on me. One side of the coin causes pain and insecurity, and the other side fuels it. Whether you’re in a relatively new relationship or have been in one for a while, you may be wondering, “Is my boyfriend cheating on me, or am I just feeling insecure?”

*As always, my work applies to all genders and orientations. For this article in particular, please substitute where necessary to fit your relationship and circumstances.

Unfortunately, there is no Carfax for people. However, no matter how much they lie; try to divert your attention, distort your reality, distract, or hide from the symbolic mirror, people can only communicate three things (especially if you’re in an intimate relationship with them):

Who they are. This is revealed through actions that ultimately establish patterns.

What their morals and values ​​are. Everyone is on their best behavior at the beginning. Always make sure to notice how they treat animals, children, the elderly, and people who don’t offer them anything of selfish value.

What’s more important to them: image or integrity?

Whenever I noticed these three things as a red flag in the person I was with, I would ignore them by choosing the good and focusing on what was good. I would remind myself of all the potential and hold on to what they represented (as opposed to what they had proven themselves to be).

When my instinct begged me to listen, I ignored it by reminding myself that this is the essence of true love. It’s about seeing the good in people and looking past the “flaws” we all have.

There were a few problems with this:

I was choosing the good. You never have to choose anything abundant, only scarce.

The idea of ​​who/what my partner could be took precedence over who they had proven themselves to be and were, in real time!

Like many, I bought into the foolish belief that true love blinds us. I thought, “Oh, I love this person so much; and the fact that I choose to stay when things aren’t “perfect” is a sign of maturity. It’s a sign of true love that I choose to be positive and focus on the good, no matter what.” As much as romance novels, TV shows, movies, and fairy tales would have us believe that true love is blind; that someone will change if we’re “good enough,” the truth is that true love will give us the clearest vision we’ve ever had—even if that vision is the clearest vision to walk away from what’s toxic to our mental health. What’s blinding us is low self-esteem, shame, unaddressed trauma, and a lack of self-love, not true love. There’s a difference between standing by your partner “through thick and thin; good times and bad” and choosing to walk away from the absence of things like respect, decency, honesty, humanity, loyalty, and communication.

I wanted to share all of the above with you because it’s what led me to ignore the one thing that none of us can afford to ignore: our gut feelings.
Is my boyfriend cheating on me or am I just insecure? Maybe I’m just paranoid?

Let’s say you’re feeling insecure or paranoid. In this case, it’s usually rooted in unaddressed trauma. Maybe you’ve been lied to and betrayed in the past. Maybe you have ingrained patterns (i.e., you have abandonment issues; you always suspect disloyalty and betrayal in your relationships), and you’re irrational (you have no evidence of anything at all).

With your intuition, you may not have any concrete evidence, but there may be crumbs leading to the cake; smoke leading to the fire. You may not be able to pinpoint exactly what it is, but you know something is up.

Insecurity and madness are emotions that often make you more emotional. They carry a very frenetic energy charge.

Your intuition, even if unpleasant, is more focused than frenzy. It makes you more responsive than reactive and is made up of fragments of reality, not a projection.

Nothing can beat your instincts if you want to know if your partner is cheating on you. Remember, no one else knows them as well as you do.

Other people can offer advice as much as they can, but you are the one who spends the most time with this person. Only you can accurately see the daily changes in their behavior and mood swings. They may not show the same version of themselves to others.

If you feel that something is not right, you may already have your answer because your instinct is telling you something important. You probably have a good sense of humor and should try to spot other signs of cheating as well.

But before we get into the “Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” signs, I want to make one thing clear. There are no “universal signs” of cheating. Why? Because we all define “love,” “monogamy,” and “cheating” differently.

Your partner may also exhibit signs that are different from these.

There are no absolutes here. This is just what I’ve experienced in my life and also, while working with thousands of clients around the world. Not only are we all different, but there are different forms of cheating and beliefs about what constitutes cheating. Keep all of this in mind as you continue.

These signs don’t mean that your partner is cheating on you at all. They do mean that you absolutely need to slow down and be more observant than you are currently investing in.

If you’re wondering, “Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” here are 20 signs that your partner might be cheating on you…

1. It feels like everything has suddenly changed, suddenly and very suddenly. And when you comment on the changes you’re noticing, you feel crazy.

What changes in particular? It could be a lot of different things

“Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” Well, if he’s suddenly…

• Always on his phone or more protective
• Either very interested in sex or not at all
• More concerned about appearance than ever
• Overly attentive; – Almost paranoid
• Constantly following you or telling you where they are
• Start acting jealous
• Too kind or more aggressive
• Make themselves a victim for the slightest reason
• Accuse you of cheating
• Easily hurt and offended
• Indifferent/uninterested
• Doing activities/hobbies you didn’t know they were interested in
• Your “family member”, “coworker” or “friend” suddenly goes through a crisis and needs them constantly
• Start listening to a different kind of music and really like it

…and it becomes a pattern, and it doesn’t mean they’re 100% cheating. But keep your antennae up.

2. You don’t spend as much time together as you used to. And when you are together, you don’t feel the same way. It’s like their mind is somewhere else.

You feel more alone around them than when you’re physically alone.

3. You’ve already caught them lying.
4. They make you feel so in control when you ask basic questions. You start to feel guilty for asking anything respectfully or making any reasonable observations.
5. They’re so sensitive. You’re always walking on eggshells.
6. Nothing makes sense. The stories don’t connect, and you start to feel like you’re seeing something that no one else is. It’s frustrating.
7. They encourage you to go out more because they go out more – without you.
8. Their friends are cheaters, or they have cheaters in their family that they’re close to/look up to.
9. When you ask them if anything is going on, they either get extremely defensive, play you down, or change the subject by evading.
10. They have a consistent pattern/history of triangulation.
11. Extremes. They start fights, then blame you for starting them. They are oppositional, territorial, and combative. Or, they back off, talk about how important it is for both of you to have your “freedoms,” and compliment you on encouraging you to live a better life outside of them.
12. They criticize everything with you so that you become busy improving yourself instead of realizing that you just need to find a better partner.
13. Their social media behavior has changed.
14. Their financial behavior has changed.
15. They admit to having cheated on their exes in the past. Or when you ask them how their past relationships ended, they say that every ex cheated on them; they were the one wronged in every previous relationship.
16. They give you doses of the whole truth.

You’ll never get the whole truth. Instead, you’ll get pieces of a larger deception that you have to piece together. And even then, you won’t get the whole story.

17. They lie about the smallest things.
18. They start criticizing and complimenting you on qualities (physical, emotional, professional) that they used to find attractive.
19. They don’t like themselves.

If you’re wondering, “Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” I’m not saying that everyone with low self-esteem cheats. What I’m saying is that in the presence of these other signs, those who rely on external validation because they can’t validate themselves are more likely to cheat.

20. They create problems that occupy their time, while also making you feel sorry for them and “how hard they work.”

Love yourself first

The more you love yourself, the less likely you are to get into relationships with people who hate you.

If you’re still wondering, “Is my boyfriend cheating on me?” take a moment to review this list again with compassion. I know it’s hard, but don’t let your fears and egos go. Think about what your eyes, ears, gut feelings, and instincts have seen in real-time.

Listen to your instincts. They’re the oldest part of your soul.

And remember, you don’t need to have every piece of “evidence,” and you don’t need to know the whole story to do what’s best for you. Surrender to the fact that even though you may not know the whole truth, “what’s best for you” will always be to take the path that your instincts light up—not the tunnel that your partner’s deception has darkened.