How do you know if someone you know has an unhealthy narcissistic personality? If you are constantly asking yourself, “Is he a narcissist?”, one measure is to determine how you feel about this person.
If you always feel equal and valued for who you really are, you’re probably not in the presence of a narcissistic person.
On the other hand, if you often feel frustrated, unseen or appreciated, or like you’re doing the bidding for someone else, you may be in the presence of one of the more than 150 million people worldwide with narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissistic style.
Like the Greek myth that gave the disorder its name, narcissists are fascinated by their image. They focus on their superficial thinking, and are generally uninterested in seeing who others are at their core outside of status or appearance.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you may find it difficult to find equality, love, and reciprocity.
You may be being manipulated by someone who uses you to meet their own needs while claiming to care about you. If you point out this contradiction, the narcissist will act as if they don’t know what you’re talking about.
Narcissists seek gratification through winning, feeling superior, and, most important of all, attracting attention. They search for this because narcissists lack something vital to being a mentally healthy human being: a complete self.
Deep down, in ways that most narcissists never fully know and will never talk about, they feel flawed and empty. Because of their fear of this emptiness, they seek to hide or fill this emptiness with a grandiose attitude and an attitude of entitlement.
Viewing themselves as better than others, they feel entitled to break the rules and get special treatment. They expect others to admire, respect, and care for them. If their expectations are not met, they may become angry.
It can be difficult to accept the suggestion that someone close to you who seems so superior is, in fact, so hurt. Such a larger-than-life character can be incredibly compelling.
Narcissists speak with an air of certainty and conviction that tends to make others question their intuitions. After all, as the story goes, only one little boy in a town full of people said the emperor had no clothes.
Some clients ask me if narcissists’ impulsive, manipulative, and controlling behaviors are premeditated and personal?
My sense is that narcissists operate largely on instinct. Their mistreatment of others is no more personal than a shark searching for a meal, preying on any seal that might get in its way. The more often you cross a shark’s path, the more likely you are to be attacked. That’s what sharks do.
Lacking a sense of self, people with narcissism cling to success, fame, attention, wealth, and status to feel worthy and complete, feelings they cannot generate from within. They generally do not realize how motivated this pursuit is. Due to their lack of empathy, they rarely see the impact of their behavior on others.
In The Wizard of Oz, Toto the dog pulls back the curtain on a little man pretending to be the great and powerful Oz.
The key to dealing with narcissistic people is to see behind their facade. Once you do this, you will be less vulnerable to deception, exploitation, and harm.
