In an ideal world, our romantic relationships would be one of the greatest sources of happiness in our lives. They will support us through the tough times and make the good times even better by having someone to share them with.
But this is not an ideal world.
Not all romantic partners are equal. Some will treat you poorly and fail to respect you the way you should be respected.
But more often than not, the reason someone allows their partner to engage in bad behavior is because they lack the self-esteem to create healthy boundaries.
If you let your partner get away with these behaviors, it may be a sign that you lack self-esteem.
1) Negligence and indifference
There are many ways in which a partner can show neglect and indifference in a relationship. But if you tolerate them, it’s a sign that you have an unhealthy lack of self-esteem.
Maybe you have a partner who doesn’t listen to what you say.
Maybe they don’t show up to events that are important to you. Maybe they don’t make an effort to get along with your friends and family.
These may seem like small things, but in the long run, they can lead to a very dysfunctional relationship.
I’m not saying that your partner should be so obsessed with you that he loses sight of himself. But I say that any relationship requires both partners to be interested in the other’s life, opinions and preferences.
If you don’t have that, why are you in a relationship at all?
2) Disrespectful communication
Even the most harmonious relationship will sometimes have arguments and fights. But I don’t talk about that.
Instead, I’m talking about a style of communication that doesn’t show the basic respect partners should have for each other.
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Psychologist Courtney S. Warren Ten Different Forms of Disrespectful Communication in Relationships:
Direct insult, such as calling someone stupid or a loser
Targeting vulnerability by criticizing their partner for something they know the other person is sensitive about
He lies
Being passive aggressive
Mind manipulation
Stonewalling/silent treatment
Deviation from responsibility
Disrespectful body language, including eye rolling, shoulder shrugging, head shaking, etc.
Emotional aggression, including yelling and screaming
contempt
These are all terrible ways for your partner to communicate with you. If you are willing to allow someone to treat you this way, it indicates that you do not respect yourself more than they treat you.
3) Control and isolation
Controlling behavior is a major red flag in any relationship.
Isolation is a form of behavior control. This means that your partner will try to isolate you from friends, family, and anyone else who might provide you with emotional or other support.
The goal here is to make you completely dependent on your partner so that he can control your behavior.
However, there are other forms of control that manipulative partners may use in a relationship.
They may tell you who you can or cannot spend time with. They may tell you what you can or cannot wear. They may prevent you from doing certain activities or force you to do others.
Behavior control has no place in a healthy relationship. If you allow this kind of control, it is a good sign that you do not respect yourself enough.
4) Inconsistent commitment
There are few things more infuriating than someone who runs hot and cold.
One minute, they seem to like you and the relationship you’re building together. The next day, they don’t seem to care much.
It’s easy to think that this is just something wrong, especially in the early stages of a relationship. But as time goes by and this inconsistent behavior continues, you may want to rethink your relationship with this person.
If someone likes you, they’ll show it. On the other hand, if you’re not completely sure that you stand with them, it’s safe to assume that this relationship is going nowhere.
5) Violation of privacy
Privacy is very important in a relationship. Just because you’re seeing someone doesn’t mean you completely give up on your own life.
But what often surprises me is how often people think they’re not allowed to have a life of their own.
When you enter into an intimate relationship with someone, you necessarily give up some privacy. This is especially true if you live together, and even more true if you start a family.
But relationships are built on trust. If someone constantly violates your privacy, it’s a good sign that they don’t trust you.
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I’m talking about a partner who insists on reading your text messages, supervising your social media use, or tracking your whereabouts.
The problem is that when trust is gone from a relationship, the relationship is effectively dead. Allowing someone to invade your privacy in this way shows that you do not have enough respect for yourself.
6) Financial exploitation
It took years before my partner and I opened a joint bank account. However, to this day, in addition to our joint account, we each maintain separate savings, checking, and credit card accounts.
After all, we’re both adults, and we both work for our money. While there are a lot of bills to share, we each also have our own money to spend as we please.
But a manipulative partner may use money as another way to control you.
They may not allow you to have your own bank account. Maybe they control your money. Maybe they don’t let you work.
“Some people use financial exploitation as a primary means of controlling a person,” says psychologist Jeff Dietzel. “Other people may use financial abuse to manipulate the victim into staying with their partner or spouse.”
