Is your relationship with your partner healthy?
If your answer is “Yes” with all your heart! Then you probably don’t need to be here unless you’re reading “For a Friend.”
But chances are that if you are reading an article to find out if your relationship is codependent, things are probably not 100% okay.
Don’t worry, it is normal to face challenges in relationships and search for their solutions and root causes.
However, you may discover that some things going on in your relationship are not entirely healthy.
In fact, if you can identify many of these 13 behaviors, you may be in a codependent relationship with your partner.
What does “codependence” really mean?
I know you’ve heard the term codependency before, but I just want to clarify what it really means because a lot of people use this term wrong.
Related : 7 signs you’re actually the one creating drama in your family
Interdependence seems to mean that two people in a relationship depend on each other.
But in reality, this is just a normal relationship where both partners help each other, depend on each other, and support each other. There is a balance, and the dependence is not extreme or one-sided.
Think of that healthy relationship that stands tall and proud like a nice big letter H. If cut into 2, each side would probably still stand on its own.
But a codependent relationship is more like an A relationship where both sides lean on each other. If it were cut in half, both sides would fall apart.
Relationships like these are full of desperate need and sacrifice. It can also be unbalanced, with one person dependent on others and the other acting as an enabler.
Here are some of the behaviors you’ll see in a codependent relationship:
1) One person completely meets the needs of the other
No matter what this partner wants, the other person is willing to provide it.
This happens with a codependent person and an enabling person, where the codependent person will do their best and bend over backwards to keep the other person happy.
Or if they’re not happy, at least keep them around.
While this may also be a harmless sign of someone who is simply infatuated, it can also identify a codependent person who feels the need to meet another’s needs at all times.
2) One partner ignores his wants and needs
The other half of one partner catering to the other is that by doing so, the caterer is ignoring their own wants and needs if they conflict with or conflict with their partners.
They want to eat Mexican, but they want Italian? It is Italian.
Didn’t sleep well last night and need a nap? It’s unfortunate that you have to drive them to see their friends.
What the dependent person wants is irrelevant in this type of relationship.
3) There is a lot of anxiety about the relationship
Codependent people live in constant fear of separation, abandonment, or replacement.
They invest everything in the relationship, even though that translates to investing in the other person’s happiness.
However, it is never enough to make them feel safe.
This is because they have low self-esteem and compulsively care about the other person to stay in their good graces so that they will not be rejected or abandoned.
4) The codependent partner feels guilty for thinking about themselves
Any time a codependent person considers putting their own needs or preferences first; They feel guilty immediately.
why is that?
If you are codependent, you will give all your time, attention, and emotions to your partner to keep them happy and closed off.
So, if you’re thinking about doing something for yourself, like cooking something that only you love or spending a spa day, you’ll immediately realize that this isn’t what you think you’re supposed to do.
What if your partner finds out that you didn’t put them first?
Maybe they’ll feel hurt, angry, or even want to leave you, right?
This is definitely not a hallmark of a healthy relationship.
5) There is a fear of speaking up and expressing desires and preferences
When one person in a relationship is codependent, they will put their self-expression in the backseat and let the other person do all the talking.
The approved person will ask: “What do you want to eat?” Or “What do you think of this movie?” And listen to the answer.
But they wouldn’t dream of telling their partner what they want or think.
A relationship with two people who are dependent on each other can stumble into a state of complete inaction, where neither partner dares to make decisions or express themselves.
6) The relationship is an obsession
Whether it’s one or both partners, there can be an obsessive quality to the relationship that is a red flag that you are codependent on your partner.
Do you think or even worry about your relationship all the time?
Do you rush home to be with the other person out of a feeling of need rather than happiness and love?
Do you feel that this person would be helpless without you?
These characteristics express a relationship built on need and dependence rather than love, support, and respect.
7) One partner feels he has to protect the other
Codependent people try to create dependence on their partners, who may or may not also be codependent.
They say things like, “You’d be lost without me,” and that’s how they want their partner to feel.
This is because they have a deep desire to feel needed themselves.
They end up in relationships that feel more like projects and base their self-worth on their ability to maintain or support their partners.
8) Contempt or hatred is what defines a relationship
For most people, feeling that you and your partner hate each other will be a very clear sign that the relationship should end.
But codependent people don’t (necessarily) aspire to be loved.
They look forward to being needed.
Related : If someone displays these 15 behaviours, they’re not a positive influence on your life
Strangely enough, staying with someone you don’t like makes you seem like you need them more.
9) There is drug abuse or addiction in the relationship
According to the nonprofit Mental Health America, codependent relationships are often formed around addiction.
While one partner in the relationship suffers from addictive behavior such as alcoholism or drug abuse, the other codependent partner pretends that nothing is going on.
They do not acknowledge the problem and instead cover for their partner, despite all the negative consequences that may occur.
They keep their own feelings and needs bottled up inside and stand by and watch while the other person tears things apart.
10) A partner stays in the relationship even when they suffer abuse
One of the most serious symptoms of a codependent relationship is experiencing abuse.
Codependent partners sometimes endure anything from public shame and humiliation to physical and sexual abuse just to stay in the relationship.
This is often a learned behavior, and many codependent people have seen their parents or other caregivers go through the same thing.
But if you are being abused in a relationship, even if you think it is not very serious, it is a sign of a very unhealthy relationship and you should get out of it as soon as possible.
11) One of the partners ignores his morals
You know those gangster movies where the nice wife turns a blind eye to her husband’s illegal and violent activities?
This is a very dramatic example, but it comes from the reality of codependent relationships.
Once again we see one partner ignoring part of themselves in order to please the other.
This time, it is that partner’s conscience that is quickly dismissed if they interfere with what their partner is doing.
12) No one person in a relationship can say no
This behavior is more common in relationships where one person is a user.
This is simply because they are looking for partners that they can take advantage of, and someone who will not say no is the ideal person.
But this behavior can be found in any dependency relationship.
Codependent people do not want to be negative, rejecting, or rejecting their partners.
They want exactly the opposite – for their partners to be happy with them and need them.
13) One person’s mood always reflects another’s mood
The last of the 13 behaviors that show you are codependent is influencing the other person’s mood.
Codependent people want to feel wanted but also connected to their partners, and one way to do this is to mirror their feelings.
So when their partner is angry, they are angry too. If their partner is sad, they will deal with it and ignore their feelings.
