I have a problem: I no longer love my girlfriend.
But I also have a solution: I will break up with her very soon and say goodbye forever.
I want to explain what led me to this decision and help you decide if this is also the right connection for you as well.
I no longer love my girlfriend: 13 reasons to break up forever
1) My girlfriend is really annoying and critical
The biggest reason I don’t like my girlfriend anymore is because she is really annoying and critical.
Everything I do is chirping at me about why I’m wrong or bad or stupid.
Even when I’m away from her she somehow seems to know everything I do.
It just hit me with these passive aggressive texts that drive me crazy.
Yesterday I was at the grocery store when I got this bouncer:
“Make sure you never buy that cheap bread again, I know you’re going to (wink your face). Remember, we try to diet.”
Just… damn it, man.
I think it would be funny if I found her cute. But her attempts to pretend she’s joking when she’s actually just snubbing me is so annoying!
I suffered from her behavior and problems. She needs to deal with them on her own: they are not my problem.
As Ankush Bahuguna wrote:
“Things you once found fascinating—those little little perversions—the funny sound she makes when she laughs, the way she never gets a sneer at you, her habit of constantly questioning everything, her emotional outbursts—are starting to bother you.
“You get so carried away, get annoyed at the smallest things you do and wonder how you ever found any of this attractive.”
2) My girlfriend makes me feel disgusted about myself
The second major reason why I don’t like my girlfriend anymore is because she makes me feel so disgusted with myself.
I firmly believe that nobody else is to blame for how I feel about myself, and I take responsibility for my own emotional state.
But at the same time, I can’t help but notice objectively that she’s constantly cutting me off, undermining my goals, emphasizing my failures, and making me feel like a total loser.
I want to be a winner and I want people around me who are positive and optimistic.
It’s the opposite and I’ve become an emotional parasite that grabs any little snippet of success and happiness I can find to tell me why I don’t deserve it or why I’m going to screw it up so soon.
All the drama made me refocus my energy…
The truth is, most of us overlook a very important element in our lives:
Our relationship with ourselves.
I learned about this from the shaman Rhoda Ayandi. In his original, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.
It covers some of the major mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as codependent habits and unhealthy expectations. Most of us make mistakes without realizing it.
So why would I recommend Rudá’s life-changing advice?
Well, he uses techniques drawn from ancient shamanic teachings, but puts his own modern day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but his experiences of love weren’t much different from mine.
Until he found a way around these common issues. And this is what he wants to share with you.
So if you’re ready to make that change today and grow healthy, loving relationships and relationships you know you deserve, check out his simple and true advice.
Click here to watch the free video.
3) My girlfriend no longer makes me feel any physical attraction
Another big reason why I don’t like my girlfriend anymore is that she doesn’t make me feel any physical attraction anymore.
When I say anything, what I mean is… ie.
I looked at her and saw an average looking woman in her early 30’s and…that’s all I see.
I’d be most excited by a random model in the Sears catalog (do they still make that?)
The last time we slept together was over a month ago, but the sad thing is, I don’t really care (or remember exactly) when it was because I’m not excited to have sex with her.
I’ve thought about cheating (a lot) and I don’t want to be that guy who just goes ahead and does it while I’m in a fake relationship.
I admit that another part of the reason is that I didn’t want her bad behavior towards me to feel justified, and if I had cheated, it would be kind of justified.
So I keep everything. And I feel worse and worse.
Why do I not want to have sex with my girlfriend? I know it sounds strange.
All I can say is that while she is still outwardly attractive, the waning of my actual feelings for her has made me cold from making love to her.
I feel like the annoying roommate I’m stuck with and can’t wait to get out.
I don’t want to stick my penis inside an annoying roommate: do I?
If you’re in this situation, it’s time to break up for good…
4) My girlfriend no longer makes me feel any romantic attraction
Next is emotional attraction and connection.
It should be part of any relationship if you ask me: both romantic and non-romantic.
This is especially true when you are in love and want to live with someone.
But my girlfriend no longer makes me feel any romantic attraction.
When we first met last year, I found her delightful: I was enchanted by her laugh, her wit, and the way she saw the world.
She makes me very unhappy and I consider her to be one of the most immature and deceitful people I have ever met.
“You shouldn’t be with anyone who makes you unhappy.
People-pleasing men tend to stay in a relationship even if there is a reason for them to leave,” writes Michelle Devaney.
“That doesn’t make these guys bad at love; they just want everyone around them to be happy.
If you are young like this, then you should think about what makes you truly happy and full of joy.”
I couldn’t say it better myself…
I don’t expect my life to be perfect or drama-free by any means. But I expect to be with someone I actually want to be with.
5) My girlfriend’s trash talking to me behind my back
Now we get to the bad stuff, the TV series highlight reel material.
The big reason I don’t like my girlfriend anymore is because somewhere along the line she has an idea that it’s okay to talk to me behind my back. This is toxic!
I’m not sure what gave her the idea, but as soon as it became apparent that she was dragging me for kicks around her friends, I was royally furious.
I’m not squeamish or anything, but I’m not here invested in a relationship to be the butt of jokes about some nosy person on Instagram.
Yes, I do fart. Sometimes it looks funny.
Yes, I sweat a lot. I may have a disorder.
But my girlfriend also does some things that aren’t exactly Instagram story material.
Huge, nasty clumps of hair down the drain, anyone? The menstrual cycle that would put a medieval witch to shame?
I don’t joke about these things to my friends, because I’m not an idiot.
But she never missed an opportunity to belittle me behind my back. I’m just lucky to have sources within her circle of friends (one in particular) that let me know about this trash talk going on…
The more I hear how my girlfriend talks about me when I’m not around the more I see who she really is under the fake surface.
6) My girlfriend falsely accuses me of cheating all the time
Regarding what I mentioned before about cheating, is that my girlfriend keeps accusing me of doing it.
I never cheated on her (until now). I can absolutely promise you this.
And as I said, I don’t want to deceive her: I’d rather be separated than live a lie.
But her constant accusations are really hurtful and annoying. It also makes me think about cheating when I wasn’t even thinking about it.
If we get within 100 feet of an attractive woman, my girlfriend starts giving me all kinds of crazy side eyes as if I’m the devil.
Then I have to play pretend I didn’t even notice the perfect ten who just wandered into the mall’s food court or walked into the store we were in.
Fun times.
I know there are insecurities that make my girlfriend very suspicious and possessive.
At first, I was really understanding, but now I’m sick of it.
I’m not her therapist, I’m her boyfriend. I’m done trying to be both.
7) A large part of the reason I am with her is due to pandemic isolation
I met my girlfriend at the beginning of the pandemic.
Her relationship with her started to take off and she thought “why not?”
Well, now I know why not.
I feel like I’m living in a horror movie that’s been misclassified as a romance.
Whenever I’m out with her, I want to scream to strangers to help me and call the “love police” to save me:
“Help me! I am trapped with a psychopath who is trying to crush my soul!”
Of course, there is no love police.
And there is no penalty for trying to crush someone’s spirit (there should be).
“Even if you’re not in the happiest of relationships or realize that the person you’re with isn’t your constant soul mate, it’s understandable that a part of you might want to hang on to the good stuff for the time being,” notes Mary Grace Jaris.
I can see how this happened and why isolation made me hold on to someone who wasn’t very good to me.
But now I want out.
8) My girlfriend is emotionally abusive
My girlfriend is a bully. Not only does she make fun of me to her friends, but she also likes to see me as my bad luck and disappointments.
There was a job I’d been trying to get for four months that I found out last week wasn’t going to happen.
She was in the best mood I’ve seen all year.
I asked why and she said “there is no reason”.
and *calcified ogre.
I know it sounds paranoid but I’m pretty sure she was gloating over my bad news.
On the contrary, whenever I achieve a victory in life, I am there to encourage it. Or at least to be.
Now I’m standing in the back frowning.
Then we add in all the criticism, undermining, and gaslighting, and there’s only one conclusion: My girlfriend is emotionally abusive.
9) My girlfriend is an emotionally manipulative narcissist
In addition to being emotionally abusive, one of the specific ways my girlfriend is making my life so much worse is with her emotional manipulation.
When she is in a bad mood I have to answer for her.
Even if it has nothing to do with me, she puts it all on me.
This started only a few months into our relationship and it’s very tiring and immature.
She only cares about herself and lets me know that any concern for my goals and priorities is selfish and unacceptable.
I still care about her, which is why it is so devastating when she uses her emotional states to manipulate me.
I feel like a puppet on a string.
Because if she says to go one way or do one thing, I feel obligated to do it.
It’s sad, which is why even though I am sometimes still dazzled by her beauty and the connection we used to have, I don’t like my girlfriend anymore.
10) My girlfriend is financially manipulative and controlling
My girlfriend has a great job and she loves to brag about it.
I’ve struggled at work for the past several years, and I literally haven’t heard the end of it.
She makes fun of me, criticizes my efforts to find work, and – as I said – gloats when I fall short.
It’s as if she’s saying “I told you so.”
I don’t understand how someone could act this way to someone they claim to love.
But this is how you act.
She also spends her money on me, sometimes asking me sarcastically if I want a loan from her to finish the month so I can buy more junk food.
Yes, there’s a whole thing about diet again.
Life sure is a hoot with her by my side, as you can see…
11) My girlfriend has such a good reputation that I feel obligated to stay with her
Part of the reason I’ve been with my girlfriend for so long (more than a year now), is that she has a good reputation with my family and friends.
They constantly comment on what a “great catch” they are.
My male friends make less favorable comments about her very attractive looks.
Yeah, yeah, I get it: I scored a hot girl and we fell in love.
But believe me, as soon as you open the gift you find a box of poisonous snakes.
I’m ready to say that it overrides all social expectations and ideas other people have about my girlfriend.
I really know her, they see her beautiful, sociable exterior.
There’s a lot worse down there, trust me.
12) My girlfriend and I disagree about a lot of the basic things in life
I’m okay with a different view of someone than my girlfriend.
After all, romance isn’t about being some kind of high school debate team member.
But that is not what is happening here.
My girlfriend could start a world war over the color of my shirt. She does not agree with me on one basic thing in terms of life and priorities.
I love to eat very much, she is obsessed with diets and organic foods.
I guess spiritual exploration is not for me, she is obsessed with Eckhart Tolle and being in the “present”.
I wish I could explain to her that I would be more in the “present” if she wasn’t in it.
Sorry, not sorry.
There was still so much left unsaid, and I could feel everything bubbling up on the surface.
Soon enough separation will come. These are not empty words. I have already got a new rented apartment.
I’m just waiting to tie up some loose ends before I say goodbye to her.
13) The more I thought about it the more I wanted to call it quits
If I only had a bad couple of weeks with my girlfriend, I wouldn’t be writing this article.
It’s been months now.
Truth be told, I did feel trapped in a death grip after two months with her.
I’m not sure what made me stay at that point but if I had to describe the experience it would be like having sleep paralysis and being in a nightmare where you can’t move and someone will come to kill you.
If that sounds overly dramatic, trust me: You haven’t met my girlfriend.
It takes all kinds to make the world go round, but she’s the kind I can do without.
I had a strong attraction to her at first, sure, but it waned, and now I’m disgusted that I took her at face value.
I’ve woken up countless nights stressing over her and our relationship and I’m no longer so confused about it.
She’s not the girl for me.
The best thing I can do is get out as soon as possible.
A clean break is what I need.
One of the best reasons to break up for good is if you’ve been thinking about it long and hard.
I know I have.
I’m done thinking. I am now ready to work.
