It is easy to confuse sexual intercourse due to the strong emotional attachment. In romantic relationships, it’s natural to want to be around someone all the time. But is it love or just lust? It is important to know the difference between love and lust to know where your attraction and connection, emotional attachment, or rush of hormones stems from.
“If they replaced the word ‘Lust’ with ‘Love’ in popular songs, it would be closer to the truth”. – Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
As a psychologist, I have seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for wiping out the common sense and intuition of even the most rational of people. It is important to know the difference between lust and love. Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primary impulse to procreate.
Understand the difference between love and lust
Studies show that the brain in this phase is much like the brain on drugs. MRI scans show that the same area lights up when an addict gets cocaine as it does when a person experiences intense physical attraction.
Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection—seeing what you hope someone is or needs to be—instead of seeing the real person, flaws and all.
Pure lust relies solely on physical attraction and imagination – it often dissipates when the “real person” appears. It’s the stage of wearing rose-colored glasses when he “can do no wrong”.
Falling in love does not exclude lust. Lust can lead to love. However, true love, which is not based on idealization or projection, requires time to get to know each other.
Related: 12 Ways Your Body Knows When You Have Found ‘The One’, According To Science
Here are some signs to watch for to differentiate between pure lust and love.
signs of lust
- You are completely focused on the person’s appearance and body.
- You are interested in getting physically intimate, but not in having conversations.
- You prefer to keep the relationship on a fantasy level, and not discuss true feelings.
- You want to leave soon after eating instead of cuddling or having breakfast the next morning.
- You are lovers, but not friends.
Signs of love
You want to have fun with non-sex.
Get lost in conversations and forget the passing hours.
You want to sincerely listen to each other’s feelings, and make each other happy.
He or she motivates you to be a better person.
Want to meet his family and friends.
Another challenge of physical attraction is learning to stay centered and listen to your intuition in the early stages of being with someone. This isn’t easy amid surging hormones, but it’s essential to make healthy relationship decisions.
Here are some tips to help you maintain your presence of mind when you are attracted to someone. This doesn’t need to stop the craving, but it will make you more aware so you don’t look for trouble.
I notice:
A little voice in your intuition says “Danger” or “Beware.”
You have a feeling of tightness, restlessness, or a feeling of tiredness after you’ve been together.
You feel destructive or dark attraction.
You are uncomfortable with the way this person treats you, but you are afraid that if you mention it, you will push him away.
Over the years, she has spoken at women’s prisons and domestic violence centers. My talk, “How Listening to Your Gut Can Prevent Domestic Violence,” focuses on teaching women how to recognize and act upon their inner voice. My gut senses the potential for both kindness and violence.
Related: Am I in Love? 5 Ways To Know
Many women who’ve been in abusive relationships have admitted, “My gut initially told me something was wrong—but I just shrugged it off.” The pattern was consistent. They’d say, “I’m going to meet a guy. At first, he’ll be charming, and sexy, get away with me. The electricity between us was amazing. I’d write off the voice in my intuition that said ‘you better watch out’ as a fear of getting involved. When the abuse started later, I was hooked.” actually “.
However, some instincts are just subtle. At the first appointment, a woman came to the hospital with an IV, afflicted by “psychosomatic” abdominal pain. But did that prevent her from seeing the man? no.
From these women, we get a real-world lesson: No matter how irresistibly attractive someone may seem, paying close attention to your gut will enable you to see beyond the outside.
It is very nice to deal with someone whose intuition you like. Then you are not always protected from basic suspicion or incompatibility. You should also permit yourself to listen to your intuition when you say, “This one is healthy for you. You are going to make each other happy.” To be happy, take risks, but also pay attention to the warning signs you’re presented with. This allows you to go wisely towards the fulfilling relationships you deserve.
