People with certain personality traits tend to attract narcissists more often. If you are one of these people, there are several ways you can learn how to get over a narcissist, especially while dating.
Related: 4 Signs You’re Dealing With A ‘Leech’ Narcissist
Attraction may not always work in your favor, especially if the person you are in a relationship with is a narcissist.
Everyone knows the type – the person who makes everything about them.
A person who puts his feelings above all others crosses boundaries to consider his views and ways superior to others. They delivered a eulogy for their elderly uncle only to spend most of it bragging about that time in high school when they scored the winning goal in the championship game.
Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you: the narcissist.
Narcissism and narcissistic personality traits can manifest in a relationship in all kinds of ways.
Your partner may publicly boast (and exaggerate) his or her accomplishments. He may need to be the center of attention at all times, becoming angry or sullen when he is not. It may turn things around in arguments.
If you tell him you’re upset about something he did, he might just focus on that time you insulted him in 1989.
How do you break free from this narcissistic trap? How do you stop attracting narcissists once and for all?
Some women tend to attract or be attracted to partners with narcissistic traits more than others.
If you tend to take responsibility for others’ emotional experiences, have difficulty setting boundaries, or have a general people-pleasing disposition, you are the perfect bait for a narcissist.
Does this mean you need to change your entire personality to learn how to stop attracting narcissists? Of course not.
But there are 3 ways you can get over a narcissist so you can have the healthy relationship you deserve.
1. Notice where your boundaries are weak
If you are prone to codependency and have a tendency to feel responsible for the feelings of others, you are a narcissist’s muse.
People who feel like they need to fix things or that everything is their fault are perfect people for narcissists to blame and use to inflate their sense of self (and avoid any semblance of holding them accountable). You’re already ready to tinker.
Watch out for this: If you identify yourself as a “fixer” or “healer” or see potential in the person you’re dating (and it’s up to you to help them get there), you’re raising a lot of red flags.
Slow down and be aware of the areas where you are responsible and not responsible. Be careful not to be in a relationship with who this person could be but in a relationship with exactly how this person is now.
Related: The 8 Confusing Stages Of Falling In Love With A Narcissist
2. Pay attention when you’re being love-bombed
Narcissists tend to hit you with a love bomb. This type of weapon manifests itself in generous attention, undying loyalty, and undying adoration – all for you! It feels good, doesn’t it? Of course, it is! You are only human!
The problem with love bombing is that it will eventually blow up in your face. The way to avoid a blowup is to channel the Queen: Determine early in your relationship whether this is “real life” or “just a fantasy.”
Being showered with affection is so wonderful that it can change the chemicals in our brains and leave us ignoring (or completely missing) the warning signs.
Does something seem too good to be true? So, yes, it might be so.
Stay consistent, take things slowly, and see how your potential partner responds to the boundaries you set when moving at your own pace. But, if they vehemently object or throw countless accusations your way about how you need to be more open, that’s a huge red flag.
If they can’t respect your boundaries now, don’t expect this pattern to change the deeper you get with them.
3. Be with yourself
Being with yourself means more about noticing yourself. When you connect with someone, how often are you with yourself and how many times have you walked across the aisle alongside them?
This is a good practice anyway, to practice paying attention to ourselves in the presence of others and when we are alone.
Ask yourself the following questions:
“Can I be with myself and my feelings fully and completely?”
“Can I respect my boundaries and opinions?”
“Can I express my preferences?”
“Can I decide what I want?”
Your ability to answer these questions prevents you from becoming a chameleon, which is what narcissists strive for. If you are changing your appearance to meet the other person’s needs while giving up your own, you are entering into a relationship that you will never be satisfied with.
Healthy relationships require some inner work. So, know yourself, what you want, and what you deserve in a relationship. Once you do this, you will spot narcissists coming from a mile away. They don’t even need to hold a mirror to tell you.
Related: There Are 3 Types Of Narcissists — How To Spot Each One
