Have you ever received a compliment that sounded like an insult or an apology that indicated you were the bad guy? These are old tricks from the manipulator’s handbook. So, how do you manipulate a manipulator?
No, we are not suggesting that you should be a manipulator and use tricks to get back at the manipulator. But when you’re exposed to someone’s crafty and devious ways, it’s important to fight back and not let them take you for granted.
Before we get into how to respond to a manipulator, let’s take a quick look at what exactly manipulation is and why it’s so important for you to identify your manipulation tactics.
What is manipulation?
Manipulation is a psychological trick to get what one wants at the expense of others. It often involves emotional exploitation and distortion of reality to influence and control another person. Manipulative tactics are used to confuse you and question your decisions.
You become unsure whether your thoughts or feelings are valid. And in this fog of mental distortion, you will eventually play into the hands of your manipulator.
Now, what you need to understand is that manipulation can start in a very subtle way, especially in relationships, and gradually swell into full-blown emotional abuse and a dysfunctional daily dynamic, and you end up feeling overwhelmed, guilty, and apologetic about things that aren’t over.
Manipulators use the following tools to control their victims:
He lies
flatter
deception
afraid
coercion
The silent treatment
passive aggression
reduction
In most cases, it is very difficult to recognize manipulative tendencies and when you do, you are already on your knees in an abusive situation. And in cases where you can spot the obvious signs of manipulation, like in your workplace, you’re not sure how to get out of the situation without stirring a pot or ruffling a few feathers on your way out.
Whether overt or subtle, this type of emotional abuse is undoubtedly damaging to your sense of self. Manipulation can destroy your relationships and career, undermine your confidence, and negatively affect your mental health and overall well-being.
This is why we have compiled the most frequently used techniques manipulators use along with psychological tricks to manipulate the manipulator. Now, when we talk about tips for dealing with a manipulator, we mean strategies for effectively dealing with a manipulator by turning the tables and making them taste their own medicine.
If you apply these methods, you will be able to successfully disarm your manipulator and regain control of your life. So, how do you manipulate a manipulator?
How do you manipulate a manipulator?
Without much ado, let’s learn how to deal with a manipulator by successfully countering their most reliable manipulation tactics.
The Trojan Horse
Do you know the story of the Trojan Horse? This is a great example of the manipulation the Greeks did to win over the Trojans. The legend goes like this; The Greeks had been fighting the Trojans for a long time but they could not defeat them. Finally, they had an idea.
The Greeks built a huge wooden horse hollow from the inside and left it at the gate of Troy as a peace offering. Horses were now sacred to the Trojans, and so they accepted the wooden horse as a symbol of their victory and took it inside their city gates.
What they didn’t know was that many Greek soldiers were hiding inside the horse. They went out during the night, killed the Trojan guards, and opened the gate to allow the remaining men of the Greek army to gather. The result? The massacre and subjugation of the Trojans.
What can you take away from this story? Beware of surprise gifts or gifts from someone you don’t share a stable, healthy relationship with. Manipulators do small favors and take advantage of reciprocity by asking for a large favor.
In a relationship, your partner can bombard you with excessive attention and shower you with gifts, affection, and compliments to sweep you off your feet. their motive? To make you emotionally dependent on them or to distract you from any abusive or negative aspect of their behavior.
How do you manipulate a manipulator? If you suspect your partner is trying to influence your decisions with inappropriate gifts and you want to manipulate a manipulator in a relationship, you can:
He refused to accept their gifts
Spend time with friends and family members regularly, so you have other support systems
Be firm on your principles and morals
- Move the target column
Manipulators always move the goal post so you keep striving to meet their demands. They could be a tough boss or a son-in-law who keeps asking you to do better and do more to be in their good books. No matter how hard you try to cheer them up, it’s impossible to get their validation.
How do you manipulate a manipulator? Realize that this is a psychological game that makes you chase the carrot, the carrot being the manipulator’s love, affection, interest, or respect. Your manipulator gets an ego boost and gets his job done too. So they stop playing their game.
You can:
Point blank refuse what they want from you
Or you can ask them for a favor for each order.
For example, if they ask you to sit at home on the weekends, be quick to ask them to babysit the next day.
- Generalization
Let’s say you refuse to do a shift for a co-worker who has a concert to go to and you lash out with, “You’re so self-centered that you never help me!” This is how you take one incident out of context and use it to make you look bad.
How do you manipulate a manipulator? She comes up with a response like, “I hear what you’re saying, but I can’t remember when was the last time I bailed.” Don’t allow them to generalize a particular comment or action as an example of your general behavior.
- Intimidation
Now intimidation as a tactic of manipulation can come in many shapes and forms. Maybe:
He surrounds you and stands over you while talking to you
Roll-calling or yelling
He pesters you again and again with a request
Threats of self-harm or other negative consequences
Giving you a limited amount of time to respond to their question, offer, or request
Showing negative emotions through body language, such as hitting a wall
How do you manipulate a manipulator? If you are dealing with an emotional manipulator who is harassing you, use the record-breaking trick. Come up with a response that defends your rights and buys you some time. Stick with the response and keep repeating it each time until the manipulator gives in or you are ready with another response.
“Can you do this report for me?”
“I would have loved it, but I’m so overwhelmed with my own business.”
“You have to give me an answer before I take the other offer.”
“This is a serious matter and I cannot give you an answer without considering all aspects of the situation.”
And if you are faced with a manipulator who has resorted to violence or aggression, you can
Remove yourself from the situation and simply walk away without getting into an argument
You may want to keep any documented evidence of their threats or violent behavior
Discuss the matter with others you trust
Report it to the concerned authorities
Ask them to follow up via text
Do you know how to manipulate a manipulator over text? If they can’t get close to you physically and intimidate you with their body language, you will outpace them. Plus you get electronic records of their bad behavior.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting occurs when a manipulator lies to make you doubt your awareness. They want you to believe their twisted version of reality, make you feel guilty, and finally do what they want.
If your parents have unhealthy behavioral traits, they may feel guilty by saying things like “You never come to visit us” or “You’re an ungrateful child” to make her a priority over your job or family. The wayward partner might say something like, “I wasn’t looking for this, but you pushed me away from you.” You get the picture.
How do you manipulate a manipulator? Ask yourself if you sympathize with these claims of being responsible for your partner’s misguidance or being ungrateful to your parents. These are opinions that may not reflect your reality. You must listen to your judgment and trust yourself.
Only then can you call out the manipulative behavior and stand your ground. Things you can do:
Write in your journal the things that happened and as you remember them happening
Talk to a friend or family member
Share your experiences with a support group
- Smear campaign
The manipulator may launch a smear campaign against you by hurling insults at your loved ones. This is a pre-emptive strike to make you lose your credibility even before you get a chance to tell about your ordeal.
Sometimes, this can take the form of triangulation where the manipulator engages a third party in matters that only matter to you. Your abusive spouse can get your best friend involved and convince him or her that he is, in fact, a great life partner. You are now facing two people instead of one.
It’s also not uncommon for a manipulator to turn you against someone you know so they can shift the blame onto that other person.
How do you manipulate a manipulator? You need to realize that the other person is not your enemy, but also being manipulated. Having said that, do the following to protect yourself:
Set firm boundaries and don’t let anyone dictate your personal decisions
You can also try reverse triangulation by opening up to another person who is not affected by the manipulator and seeking their support.
- Projection
“No, I’m not toxic, you are toxic!”
Projection is when a manipulator blames someone else, mostly their victim. They evade responsibility for their toxic behavior by attributing it to you. They are simply projecting their negativity onto you. If they lie to you, they accuse you of being a liar, if they are abusive, they call you an abuser, and so on.
How do you manipulate a manipulator? Don’t have any of that expected nonsense. When feeling bombarded with negativity, ask yourself do you deal with other people’s feelings or other people’s feelings. Most importantly, do not offer your values or sympathy to your manipulator. By doing so, you will only be setting yourself up for more disappointments.
- Grass home feature
Manipulative people will often push you to meet them on their turf, which is a physical space they are familiar with and in which they feel most comfortable exercising dominance over you. People in the business world often use the advantage of the local court to get negotiations to go their way.
How do you manipulate a manipulator? Insist on meeting in a neutral location for talks. If you have to meet them at their chosen location, try to be there ahead of time and feel comfortable. If you’re meeting them at their home, ask for a glass of water and strike up a casual conversation to relieve stress.
- Exploiting verbal communication
Statistics manipulators often use jargon and make-up to confuse you. They can also talk very quickly, keep changing the subject, or ask endless questions. All of this is done in an attempt to confuse you, find out your secrets, and gain an advantage over you.
How do you manipulate a manipulator? When you deal with someone like this, do the following:
If they don’t reveal anything about themselves, don’t open up to them
Ask them to repeat themselves
Ask questions for more clarity
Ask them to cite evidence for their statement or give examples
Say things like, “Let’s not change the subject,” and maintain control of the conversation
Move away from the pointless conversation and turn your attention to more productive things
- Procrastinate
Manipulators are experts at avoiding responsibility. When they feel that you are manipulating them, they adopt cunning strategies such as:
He gives you the silent treatment
passive aggression
Use sarcasm to crack jokes or make sarcastic remarks
Avoid your calls, texts, or emails
Through stalling tactics like this, manipulators want to provoke you, divert your attention, make you wait for a response, make you unsure, and assume power over you.
By avoiding your inquiries, the manipulator is taking advantage of the silence to make you so desperate that you will accept whatever explanation is offered to you.
How do you manipulate a manipulator? If you’ve tried to communicate with the manipulator reasonably and have done everything to get through to him, it’s time to stop chasing him for an answer or supposed closure. Your dignity is more important than that!
How do you manipulate a manipulator? Some helpful tips:
Always make eye contact when speaking to a manipulator
Learn to say no more
Take their name while addressing them
Keep a physical distance from them
Imagine a brick wall between you and them and don’t take in their comments
The only way to win this game is to withdraw
If you are wondering how to manipulate a manipulator in a relationship or at work, please know that identifying their manipulative tactics will be half the battle won. You can apply the above methods to manipulate the manipulator and end this psychological power game. At the end of the day, you have to believe in yourself and refuse to play their game.
