Like every part of our lives, our love relationships are subject to the ebbs and flows of life. And in this process, there is always room for stronger and deeper experiences. Some partners are simultaneously open and eager to grow, while other partnerships find their need for growth conflicting. In either case, when love, respect, and life goals are stable, it can be our approach that favors long-term mutual satisfaction. Read more about mindfulness in relationships and how mindfulness can impact every other area of your life.

Approaching

Despite the diluted domestic meaning of mindfulness, the fuller extent is important for our relationships. Being mindful of the time or money we spend are common signals of awareness. But being considerate of the people we often take for granted can have lasting positive results.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of intentionally focusing your attention on the present moment, without judgment.

This means that, just like spinning exercise builds muscle and endurance, mindfulness builds awareness and compassion. In the same way that we can run faster to catch the bus when we are fit, we can respond better when we are more aware and more interested. Our ability to respond to life is greater.

Some people are naturally more aware, while others must learn or develop awareness. Regardless of the types of mental awareness acquired, everyone can develop it.

What it is not

Mindfulness does not mean paying attention to every little detail that happens to you as if it were important, and then responding to it. Don’t bother with the small relevant stuff here.

A similar misunderstanding is that mindfulness goes hand in hand with meditation. That’s not entirely true, according to Joshua Schultz, M.D., psychiatrist. Which explains, “Although mindfulness and meditation are related, they are not the same thing. Mindfulness is a quality. Meditation is a practice.”

So, meditation is the tool, and awareness is the result.

What are the benefits of mindfulness?

According to a Harvard Health article, it has become popular in mainstream medicine and psychotherapy to combine mindfulness meditation with regular practices.

Mindfulness practice at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center’s Stress Reduction Clinic, founded by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, has shown improvements in participants’ overall well-being, physical health, and mental health.

The good

Our overall health affects everything we do. Our moods, regrets and fears are always with us. Mindfulness provides some relief from their hold on us and allows for more meaningful relationships and better peace of mind.

Physical health

The relationship between stress and conditions such as heart disease, chronic pain, and sleep quality is medically documented. Doctors regularly “prescribe” mindfulness meditation as part of regular treatment due to improved health outcomes.

Psychological health

Mental health problems such as depression, eating disorders, anxiety, substance abuse, and conflicts between couples have reported improvement with mindfulness techniques. Accepting our experiences (nonjudgmentally part of the practice), including painful feelings, helps us deal with them. Gaining perspective on irrational and self-destructive thoughts has a direct impact on relationships.

In general, according to Dr. Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, “people who experience mindfulness are better able to remember to be aware of the moment in a wide range of situations.” This indicates that we have more choices available to us in all types of affairs, including affairs of the heart.

How can we access that experience?

How to be aware

Mindfulness has its origins in ancient Indian Buddhist references to consciousness and in Chinese and Japanese references to heart and mind. It helps, then, to remember that even in our Western culture, mindfulness is rooted in the heart and mind: a good thing to remember when looking for a technique that works for you.

Choose your type

There are different ways to practice mindfulness. Try some or all of them until you find what works for you. Whatever you choose, give it time to develop. However, different circumstances in your life may dictate which type is best suited to your situation. It is better to practice something than not to practice it at all.

Traditional sitting meditation.
Walk mindfully
Eat mindfully
Listen attentively
Mindful movement – yoga, tai chi, qigong, etc
Focus topics
In each type of practice, the focus can be on different things for different purposes.

Breath, body and senses

Some focus on breathing, while others focus on physical sensations and senses. Exercises can include a mental body scan, depth of breathing, and noticing smells and sounds.

Emotions, behavior and addiction

Other practices intentionally target specific issues such as anger, anxiety, or substance abuse.

Many of these techniques are performed in a controlled environment or at the recommendation of a counselor. Although you may find many exercises online, it is recommended to consult a professional to find the best practices that suit your needs.

relations

Other techniques include partner sessions called relational mindfulness. This is a humane practice of compassionate communication that requires both partners to consent and participate freely. It may not be suitable for couples who only have one partner and the other is reluctant to be vulnerable right away. Attentive listening may be more appropriate in this situation.

Although often done as a group exercise, mindful listening is also useful as an individual activity with your partner. I’ve recently heard this referred to as deep listening. Whatever we call it, shifting the focus from ourselves to someone else helps create a deeper connection while learning valuable communication skills.

You may find mindfulness meditation classes in your community. Otherwise, if you choose to start on your own, you can find plenty of help online.

The ultimate goal

Regardless of our motivations or approaches toward a better love relationship, developing our mindfulness impacts all parts of our lives. In the end, happiness and peace of mind are what we live for. And who better to do this than our loving partner?