I am often asked if God can heal a narcissist. Sometimes it’s hard for people to accept my answer. When I say narcissists don’t change, I mean it. The response I often encounter is that all things are possible with God, even the healing of a narcissist. So, in this post, I want to lay out my answer on whether narcissists change and what God can or will do about it.
But before we talk about healing anyone, I first need to define a few things. Narcissistic behavior is different from narcissistic personality disorder. We have all gone through times when we blame others for what we are responsible for. We all proudly struggle and get our way. Mental illnesses like addiction and depression have a way of underscoring that narcissism. Our tragedies clog our perception of reality with endless images of ourselves. Everyone was too self-absorbed.
Some consider Paul to have been a narcissist before his conversion to Damascus. I doubt it was because he was so zealous for God, but he was so misguided. I’m sure he had narcissistic tendencies like we all do, but I don’t think he had a personality disorder. He certainly lacked compassion, but unlike Nebuchadnezzar, many other signs seem unknowable in his condition.
But narcissistic personality disorder is another matter entirely.
Here is a brief list of common symptoms:
Low levels of empathy
High levels of insecurity
- An inflated sense of self-importance
A sense of entitlement
Tendency to exaggerate
Arrogance and boasting
Tendency to underestimate others
Expect special treatment, followed by an angry reaction if it is not received
According to the vast majority of psychologists, narcissistic personality disorder is not curable but treatable. The fundamental problem with its treatment is that those with narcissistic personality disorder are unwilling to admit any perceived weakness.
I’ve read journal after journal, and the recurring theme is that no one has successfully documented the recovery of someone with BPD. I’ve looked high and low. No one has succeeded in treating a psychopath either. So, if you find proof, please send it to me.
Except there is one documented case of a narcissist recovering.
Now he did not seek treatment but rather underwent divine intervention. Nebuchadnezzar certainly checked all of the above boxes. It was he who, enraged by Shadrack, Meshack, and Abednego’s refusal to kneel before the golden beast of the god he had created, sent them into the fiery furnace. Lack of empathy, and validation. Homicidal rage is a big problem. It might push him into a whole other section of the Group B roster.
Related : How to Forgive Your Narcissistic Abuser
As for arrogance, this is what he said after God warned him that it would humiliate the king:
Is not this Babylon the Great, which I built for the king’s house by the power of my might and the majesty of my glory? Daniel 4:30
One can certainly sense the immense grandeur in his statement. Building a kingdom to honor the majesty of man is a temptation to God. Nebuchadnezzar became convinced that he was invincible. Narcissism barely covers it.
But God. Two words that can change everything. God forces the wayward king to change by giving him the treatment he needs to become a real person again. Nebuchadnezzar had to live outside with wild animals, eating grass, and God took it away from him for seven years. Think of it this way. God healed a narcissist by having him live in the worst conditions for seven years. If this is what the Babylonian king needed to see reason, then we have to ask ourselves whether the narcissists in our lives are likely to be healed given the treatments available through modern methods.
God’s intervention worked, of course. Nebuchadnezzar says after the end of his time:
34 And at the end of the days, I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my reason came back to me, and I blessed the Most High and praised and honored him who lives forever.
Because his dominion is an everlasting dominion,
And his kingdom endures from generation to generation.
35 All the inhabitants of the earth are considered as nothing.
He does as He pleases among the host of heaven.
And among the inhabitants of the earth;
And no one can stop his hand,
Or ask him: What are you doing?
36 At that time my mind came back to me. And for the glory of my kingdom, my splendor and splendor have returned to me. My mentors and masters asked for me. I was established in my kingdom and great greatness increased for me. 37 And now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and magnify and glorify the King of Heaven. For all his works are right and his ways are just. Whoever walks with pride can be humiliated.
Daniel 5:34-37
It seems that God is forcing the hand of the king in this. I don’t know how often this happens. One problem with this story is that God overcame Nebuchadnezzar’s free will. I’ve noticed that he rarely does this. Perhaps this is why so few narcissists change. They will not use their free will to enter into the extreme humility that healing requires.
Related : 5 Narcissistic Traits in the Prodigal’s Older Brother
However, this is not the whole story. God removes enough of the king’s ability to act and gives him enough time to submit his will, which is perhaps more accurate. However, there is a lesson here. If it takes God seven years of comprehensive therapy to bring a narcissist to his knees, should we wonder if the narcissists in our lives aren’t just changing at our request?
I admit, I laughed a little at God suddenly turning all narcissists into cow-like creatures. But as one psychologist said, narcissists do not tolerate shame. If one confronts the enormous well of shame beneath the greatness, the result is often suicide. Ironically, narcissists are the weakest among us.
But for God to heal a blatant narcissist like the king of Babylon is as much a bore as it is a warning. In the words of Nebuchadnezzar, those who walk in pride, can bring them down. I know that the day will come when every knee will bow and every tongue will acknowledge His sovereignty. I imagine this will be more difficult for some than for others.
