If we want to understand the psychology of a narcissist, we have to get to the root, which is often a precarious childhood and dysfunctional upbringing. In this article, we attempt to establish a link between narcissism and childhood abuse, and how childhood trauma creates narcissists.
The word narcissist has increasingly become a buzzword in our modern individualistic society. But does narcissism just mean self-centeredness or do we need to look deeper into the traits of narcissists to understand how much pain narcissism causes to others?
Although much work remains to be done in this area, it is a widely accepted fact that genetic factors, home environment, and relationship dynamics within the family greatly influence a child’s overall personality development. Of course, like any other psychological issue, the formative years of one’s childhood play an important role in narcissistic personality disorder.
What is narcissism?
Childhood trauma creates narcissists
Before going on to explain more about how childhood trauma creates narcissists, let us explain the definition and characteristics of a narcissistic personality.
Mental health professionals define narcissism as a persistent behavioral pattern of grandiosity with a constant demand for admiration, and a shockingly lost sense of empathy or ability to feel the feelings of others.
Some other narcissistic personality traits:
An inflated sense of self-importance
Desire to always be treated as someone special
Covert narcissists present themselves as shy and ineffective, but secretly fantasize about their excessive sense of self.
Read : Emotionally Immature Parents: 7 Signs You Were Raised By One
How does childhood trauma create narcissists?
Let’s now look at some of the ways in which dysfunctional upbringing and childhood trauma create narcissistic personalities.
- Absorb narcissistic abuse
In a family where a child experiences narcissistic abuse from one or more parents, they develop narcissistic tendencies as a defensive reaction to excessive criticism, physical or mental abuse, or neglect. Narcissism stems from the emotional trauma of shame, hurt, deprivation, and loss. The child is bitter with all the traumas he faces at such a tender age. - Pain that gives way to self-focus
The narcissistic parent shows no empathy toward their child and will not consider the child’s feelings, fears, or needs. This makes the child responsible for his own happiness and well-being from a very early age. This may lead to egocentrism, and as the child grows he will tend to focus more and more on himself, with little or no concern for others. As adults, they may feel that their problems are much bigger and more important than others. - External validation
When someone grows up in a dysfunctional family where the home environment is always dependent on the changing moods of the caring parents, the need to comfort others is internalized by the growing child. A child’s needs, wants, and authentic self are never acknowledged or valued in the family. Instead, the vulnerable child learns the lesson that if he wants to remain safe and unharmed, he must earn approval and validation from adults. In this messy, disturbing dynamic, the child becomes responsible for the emotional needs of the parents.
As a result, even after the child is older, they carry the baggage of external validation with them. The whole purpose of their existence becomes to gain the praise and adulation of the world.
- The identity of the victim
Experiencing repeated abuse and neglect instills a sense of victim identity in the minds of the suffering child. As a result, they may grow up with a lot of resentment towards others. Although it is true that they were in fact victims as children, even as they become adults it becomes difficult for them to get out of this victim mentality and admit their mistakes.
So adult children with narcissistic tendencies always resort to either martyrdom or blaming others when anything goes wrong in their lives, and they fail to see their own shortcomings.
- Sensitivity to criticism
Classic narcissists have a complete ego that prevents them from enjoying any viewpoint that disrupts their self-perception of superiority, but those who have experienced childhood trauma show the same sensitivity to criticism, albeit for very different reasons. Growing up with a barrage of belittling remarks makes her too weak to handle even the most constructive criticism or negative feedback. - Unequal relationships
Sometimes in a toxic home, the child witnesses an unequal dynamic between the parents, where one is constantly being oppressed and even abused. In families where this kind of blatant disregard for personal space and safety is normal, the younger members grow up with a very wrong idea of equality in relationships. As a long-term effect, adult children from dysfunctional families are always looking for partners who will satisfy their narcissistic demands.
Sometimes apples fall far from the tree
Thus childhood trauma is the cause and effect of the narcissistic personality. Although a child who is not given unconditional love, care, and nurturing while growing up may display the traits of a narcissist, this is not always the case. Not every child of narcissistic parents grows up to be one either. Healthy and positive coping mechanisms, along with a good dose of self-awareness, can make all the difference.
Childhood trauma creates narcissistic people, but there are several ways an adult child of narcissistic parents can seek help and get rid of their toxic tendencies.
Read : What Is A Narcissistic Collapse?
