Have you ever felt like someone has an almost magnetic pull, drawing you into their world before you realize it’s a place you don’t want to be?

This happened to a close friend of mine.

She thought she had found her prince charming, but she soon discovered that he was far from it.

Worse still, she later runs into another of his former friends, and they piece together a scary pattern.

This guy wasn’t just bad news. He was a cunning narcissist who knew how to get into your head.

Here are the seven sneaky strategies I use, so you can spot the red flags before you fall for the trap.

1) Love bombing

When my friend first met this man, it was like a romance straight out of a fairy tale.

He showered her with attention, compliments and gifts, making her feel like the most special person in the world.

The texts flow day and night – adorable memes, sweet “good morning” messages, and intimate late-night conversations. He looked like he was deeply in love, and she couldn’t help but feel the same.

However, this stage did not last. This was just his way of love bombing, a deceptive strategy often used by narcissists to make their target feel indispensable and secure in the relationship.

It’s so intoxicating that you begin to ignore or dismiss any red flags that may appear.

When she compared notes with his other ex, they realized he did the same thing to her. Gifts, overwhelming attention and grand gestures were part of his playbook. It wasn’t anything special; It has been calculated.

By the time you start to notice that things are off, you’re already emotionally invested, which makes it difficult to walk away.

Love bombing is a powerful tool in a narcissist’s arsenal, designed to attract you while blinding you to their less savory traits.

2) Occasional criticism

Just as my friend was relaxing, basking in the afterglow of all the love and affection, something changed.

The compliments turned into subtle jabs – nothing overtly harsh, but enough to make her think to herself.

He would say things like, “This dress is beautiful, but wouldn’t you look better in something more form-fitting?” Or while she’s cooking, “No one makes lasagna better than my mom.”

These informal criticisms were deployed in conversations so seamlessly that they began to call into question her judgment. She felt the need to try harder to be “better” for him.

His other ex-wife suffered the same thing. Remarks about her career, her appearance, or even her laugh started creeping into their conversations.

Some of them even implicated him as if he was doing them a favor, helping them become better people.

The danger with this is twofold: First, it erodes your self-esteem, making you more dependent on their approval. Second, it creates a dynamic in which you constantly seek validation, leaving you vulnerable to further manipulation.

In other words, these occasional criticisms are another layer of control, disguised as care and attention.

3) Engage in the conversation

Over time, my friend began to notice that their conversations were becoming strangely one-sided.

Whether they were talking over dinner or texting during the day, he always directed the conversation back to himself. His work, his dreams, his problems – everything revolves around him.

She found herself listening more, speaking less, and her thoughts and feelings marginalized.

When I talked to his other ex, it was as if I heard her story repeated to her. They both realized how this conversation had a deeper, more manipulative purpose.

By controlling the conversation, he would skillfully train them to prioritize his needs over their own, while giving the illusion of companionship.

This tactic may not seem as harmful as some others, but don’t underestimate its impact.

When someone monopolizes your conversations, they are essentially telling you that your feelings, thoughts, and experiences don’t matter. And if you start to believe it, they will gain more control over you.

4) Transactional affection

At some point, my friend noticed a troubling pattern: His affection seemed to come with strings attached.

Whenever she did something that made him happy — like agreeing with his opinions or canceling plans to spend time with him — she was rewarded with affection and attention.

But the moment she did something he disapproved of, the warmth evaporated, replaced by cold indifference or isolation.

This transactional approach to love is like a spiral of highs and lows. You find yourself doing more and more to gain their approval just so you can experience that intoxicating feeling of desire and appreciation.

A simple disagreement can turn into a cold war, which only dissolves when you make some kind of “peace offer,” whether a favor or an apology.

You become so invested in meeting their ever-changing standards, that you may not even realize how much of yourself you are sacrificing in the process.

It’s a subtle form of manipulation that can lead to toxic dependency.

5) Gas lighting

There were times when my friend would call out her then-partner about his inconsistencies or questionable behavior, only to be met with responses that left her second-guessing her own perception.

He would say, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re overreacting, and that never happened.” She soon began to doubt her memory and even her sanity.

She and his ex were subjected to this insidious form of manipulation called gaslighting.

It’s a tactic that undermines your sense of reality, makes you question your own experiences, and worst of all, your own judgement.

The effect of gaslighting can be emotionally crippling. Because if you can’t trust your mind, who can you trust?

This is exactly what a narcissist wants, to break down your defenses so that you become more vulnerable to his control.

To be fair, many people do this without evil intentions, or without even realizing what they are doing. It is a strategy they learn unconsciously in order to feed their narcissistic core and gain the upper hand.

But it is important for you to discover this and learn how to defend against it. Otherwise, you risk becoming an emotional puppet that they can manipulate.

6) Swap goalposts

Just when my friend thought she had finally gotten a handle on what he wanted or expected, the rules suddenly changed.

First, it was about the amount of time they spent together; Then it was a matter of what they should do at that time.

Every time she feels she has fulfilled one of his expectations, a new, often more demanding, expectation takes its place.

Meeting his other ex confirmed that this was no coincidence; It was a frequent tactic. The ever-changing goalposts are another manipulative trick to keep you disoriented and in a constant state of striving.

But neither of them felt like he was doing it with diabolical intentions. It’s just that he was so focused on his own needs that he didn’t even notice the moving target he had set for her.

He wasn’t intentionally manipulating it; He was so self-absorbed that he couldn’t see how his actions affected them.

This is a different type of warning sign, but an important one to watch out for nonetheless.

7) Victim mentality

Finally, here’s a strategy my friend noticed from the beginning of the relationship, though she didn’t understand its effects until much later.

It seems that her then partner had a lot of misfortunes happen to him. At first she felt bad for him, approached him with a lot of sympathy, and tried to give him more.

But later she realized that it wasn’t that life was incredibly unfair to him. He put it that way with a victim mentality.

And when things started going south, he applied it to her, too. Anytime they had an argument or disagreement, he would twist things around to make it seem like he was the one being wronged.

It’s not long before she feels like the bad guy in their love story.

This was his deceitful way of evading responsibility. He was so immersed in his own narrative, he couldn’t imagine himself being the antagonist in any situation.

So instead of confronting his actions and growing from them, he prefers to portray himself as the perpetual victim. Who wants to be the villain in that story?

Detecting the narcissist’s deceptive strategies

Navigating the minefield of a relationship with a narcissist can be an exhausting experience.

But the more you understand these deceptive tactics, the less power they have over you.

My friend’s experience was amazing for her, and I hope sharing it will be helpful for you too.

Remember, someone who constantly uses these strategies is raising red flags at you, whether they realize it or not.

If you see these signs, take it as your cue to proceed with extreme caution, or better yet, make a clean break.