When you first fell in love, you never imagined that the person you trusted the most would hurt you.
Why would someone build you up just to break you down?
Emotional manipulators are skilled and adept at deceiving themselves to get what they want. They will pull the wool over your eyes for as long as possible, leaving you wondering what is real and whether you are losing your mind.
Emotional manipulators can make you feel loved and wanted one day, then depressed and confused the next. That’s why it’s so hard to pinpoint.
If you find yourself doubting the health of your relationship, it’s important to recognize these seven signs that you’re in a relationship with an emotionally manipulative person.
1) They trick you into trusting them
Emotional manipulators are skilled, and they have a way of quickly gaining your trust and making you feel at ease. That’s when you let your guard down. Once you are caught in their web of deception, they manipulate you.
How do you know if you are being manipulated?
This is the hard part. A manipulative person cares deeply about you, and at the time, it seems real. You think they like you a lot and will do their best for you, but it’s all part of control. Their “love bombing” doesn’t come from an authentic place.
Look for inconsistencies between what they say and do. Your intuition may be telling you that you can’t let your guard down, or perhaps you feel like you can’t fully trust them.
Stop and listen.
Your gut can be telling you that something isn’t right about the person you’re with.
2) They get really deep, really fast
“I feel like we connect on such a deep level.”
“You know, I’ve never met someone like you.”
You may have heard some of these “nice things” when you first met your partner.
At the beginning of your relationship, they seemed to say all the right things, and you probably grew closer to them incredibly quickly, faster than any other relationship you’ve been in.
Red flag.
Emotional manipulators accelerate the “getting to know you” phase. They make you feel special by sharing with you their deepest thoughts or secrets that no one else knows.
When you feel more comfortable in their company, you’ll feel safe enough to share your deepest thoughts and vulnerabilities.
Once they attract you and know things about you, they will bring up these things when you argue or when it suits them to control you.
3) They create insecurity
How could the person you gave your heart to make you feel so insecure? Isn’t it all in your head?
Emotional manipulators get you where it hurts the most.
They will go out of their way to make you feel special and like you’re the only one, and then play mind games to influence you.
Remember, the manipulator’s goal is not to destroy the relationship. They want to attract you so you feel needed, and that’s when they target your insecurities.
Emotional manipulation is about creating dependence while exercising control.
If they can make you feel emotionally dependent on them but insecure at the same time, you will fall deeper into their grip. You reach a point where they control your emotions, and even if the relationship starts to seem one-sided, it’s hard to let go.
For example, a manipulator will play a mind game to attack your mind and create insecurity. Let’s say you’re working with numbers, and you ask for their help. They might answer: “Let’s take this back slowly; I know you’re not good with numbers.”
Your reaction is to get upset or defensive, and now they know how to push your buttons. By making you feel insecure, they boost their ego.
4) They distort information
It’s hard to admit that your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse is emotionally manipulative because their tactics are so deceptive. They lie, plan and change statements to confuse and deceive you, and unfortunately it works.
Never blame yourself for falling victim to an emotional manipulator.
They are intelligent individuals and can be very attractive, so it is easy to fall into their trap. They say all the right things until the hook, line, and sinker drop, and then they change. Hidden behaviors and some of the things they say make you doubt yourself.
Manipulators certainly have a way with words, and this includes distorting the truth or making themselves seem like the weak person in the relationship.
When you’re dealing with conflict in your relationship, your partner might say, “You know, I cried all night and barely slept.”
They want to be seen as “victims.”
This skewed reality makes you think again about the role you played in the situation, and you end up sympathizing with them.
5) There is a deviation in your relationship
Does your partner have the ability to change the situation and blame you even when you have done nothing wrong?
It’s something called deflection, and it’s a bad and sneaky way to avoid accountability. Manipulators can’t be wrong, so when they feel they’re about to be exposed, they’ll twist it so that you appear to be the guilty party.
It is a psychological strategy they use by twisting your words while portraying themselves as the victim. When you confront them about a difficult situation, and present the truth, they find a way to change the conversation and dump everything on you.
This isn’t a clear cut either. They are so convincing in what they say that you end up believing them and questioning yourself. The best way to detect deviance is to be aware of patterns, especially when faced with conflict.
Pay attention to this…
If there is a disagreement between you and your partner and they don’t really listen to your point of view and instead focus on ways to blame you, this is a sure sign that something is wrong.
When you realize they are lying and refusing to deal with conflict constructively, it is a serious red flag.
6) You feel guilty for expressing your opinion
In my previous relationship, we got along well at first, but over the course of a few weeks, I came to grips with the fact that they would ignore or downplay my concerns. If I disagreed with something they said, I would feel guilty for expressing myself, like I said the wrong thing.
Every time I expressed my sincere concern about their family, friends, or choices, it was met with aggression. I became reluctant to share my views or opinions and realized that this was not a healthy relationship.
Emotional manipulators don’t want you to think for yourself or express your opinion, especially if it will put them in the spotlight.
They’ll say things like: “I can’t understand why you don’t trust me” or “You know I worry a lot and I just want you to tell me where you’re going all the time.”
Once you start feeling guilty or confused about voicing your opinion, it’s time to rethink your relationship.
7) They take all your emotional energy
Your partner’s mood has a huge impact on the way you feel. It affects you so much that even if you are having a good day, everything changes when your partner is in a bad mood.
There are days when you wake up feeling emotionally drained, but you don’t quite realize that it was your partner who had you under his spell.
All that matters to an emotional manipulator is how he feels. If they’re in a bad mood, they want everyone to know about it, which actually makes you feel bad because they’re having an off day.
Their behavior affects your feelings, and you find yourself trying to fix their situation even though you are not responsible for their mood.
You are being manipulated.
finalthoughts
It’s hard to admit that someone you love and trust is responsible for lying to and deceiving you. No one should make you question your self-worth or create constant doubt in yourself because that is psychological torture.
Emotional manipulators will lie to you and trick you into believing that they care about you. They want to control and influence you because it makes them feel empowered. Don’t give someone that kind of power over your life.
you deserve more.
Find the courage to walk away from the toxic relationship. If they can’t manipulate you, they can’t control you. You should always have your own voice and feel true love.
