The signs of a covert narcissist are not much different from the signs of most narcissists. They all want to appear important, especially righteous, or better than others. The main difference is that the covert narcissist lacks the aggression and overt behaviors of most narcissists. The covert narcissist is typically passive-aggressive, often playing the victim while quietly undermining others. The covert narcissist does in secret what most other narcissists do in public.
But the signs of any narcissist remain the same. Here is a short list:
- A personal feeling of greatness
- A fantasy life that revolves around being influential, famous, and/or important
- Frequent exaggeration of their intelligence and achievements
- The need for admiration
- Preoccupation with beauty, love, power, success, and/or money
- A sense of entitlement
- Exploiting others to get the above
- Lack of empathy for others
When I looked at the few things the Bible says about Judas, I began to see a pattern of behavior that supported the idea that he was a covert narcissist. Remember, the goal of covert narcissists compared to their more flamboyant brothers is to achieve the same goals without being detected. One might say they are simply more introverted than their more aggressive counterparts. So, these are the signs that Judas had developed these disastrous traits.
1: The covert narcissist inflates himself while subtly putting others down.
Then one of his disciples, Judas son of Simon Iscariot, who was about to betray him, said: Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?
Judas subtly criticizes both Jesus and Mary by promoting his concern for the poor. I imagine the scene as Judas, his voice oozing with fake concern, insinuates that this act of worship came at the expense of the poor starving in the streets. He is referring to the good here, albeit ineffectively, as we will see.
2: The covert narcissist distracts attention from his mistakes.
In the next verse, Judas’ true intention is revealed. John 12:6 says:
He said this is not that he cares about the poor. Rather, because he was a thief, and he had the box, and he stole what was put in it.
If Judas loudly protests the plight of the poor, it distracts from the rather liquid contents of the treasure chest. He is a typical secret narcissist, loudly declaring his love for the poor while stealing from them at the same time.
3: Judah craves attention:
The next verse in John 12 answers Jesus. His answer is interesting because Jesus nullifies what Judas is trying to do which is to draw attention from Mary’s unusual act of worship to himself.
And Jesus said, Leave her. I saved this for my burial day.
I love that Jesus is drawing attention to Mary. I’m sure he saw Judas’ machinations.
4: The covert narcissist will betray you while trying to act innocent.
Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss. If this isn’t the most covert narcissistic act I’ve ever heard of, I don’t know what is. Until the end, Judas pretends to be one of Jesus’ followers. Jesus didn’t let him get away with it, of course, and asked him in front of everyone if he would betray the Son of Man with a kiss.
5: Judas could not withstand public ridicule.
I think Judah thought he had the best of both worlds for a while. After all, Jesus was very well known and Judas had to associate himself with the man who went around healing people and raising them from the dead. I think most pastors have to deal with these scammers sometimes. Secret narratives like to attach themselves to people in authority. They do it to borrow that power, but in their hearts, they crave it and, oftentimes, they deliberately relegate a priest to take his place.
But the tables were turned on him. The disciples cast him out but even the priests who bought him saw him as a worm. Judah carefully cultivated both groups to rise to a higher level in one group or the other. When it became clear that Jesus was going to be executed, he made up his mind and thought he would receive some great praise. But no one respects a traitor.
Narcissists generally do not commit suicide. The only time they are likely to do this is if they are subjected to public disgrace. Treatment for narcissists is rarely, if ever, successful, because they become extremely depressed when confronted with their true nature. Their shaky sense of self cannot withstand the truth of who they are and what they have done.
No one but Jesus suspected Judas, the target of every covert narcissist. I imagine it was a warning to other disciples. The appearance of our actions serves as discipline for the righteous. Those who disdain God will face judgment without the armor of atonement that Jesus received on the cross.
If you have or suspect a covert narcissist in your life, be sure to monitor them carefully. Its secretive nature can create vast swaths of destruction in the lives of individuals as well as in the church.
