You meet someone who is handsome and attentive and seems to get lost in your words and feelings. He listens to every word you say and asks personal questions to get to know you better. He finds you adorable and wants to know everything about you. it’s a wonderful feeling.
You’re being swept off your feet but it’s not in a fairytale castle. It is a world of confusion, pain, tears and hurt. You have met a narcissist who is moving quickly to capture your heart and convince you that you will be loved and cherished forever.
Narcissists must work quickly. After all, it takes a lot of work to keep pretending to be nice, well-intentioned people. The earlier they can hook you on, the easier it will be for them to start playing games.
Once you commit to it, your feelings of comfort and love will be replaced by sadness, confusion, and confusion.
Since narcissists have a short window to fully bring you into their world, their mission to seduce and capture begins immediately. They will instantly move in with their charm, promising you that they will forever love you, take care of you, and be your loyal partner.
There are 4 warning signs I wish I had paid attention to when I started dating my abuser. They look like love, attention, and devotion but are actually signs of possessiveness, extreme jealousy, isolation, domination and control.
So, if you’re constantly asking yourself, “Is he a narcissist?”, take a look at these four signs of entering the danger zone of narcissistic abuse:
- He throws love bombs.
The word “love” gets thrown out the first time or two you’re together. He loves you and can’t imagine life without you. His world is complete when you are in it.
If he’s talking about love from the beginning, it’s not love. It sounds romantic but it’s quite the opposite. It’s not love he’s talking about; It’s a possession.
- He blackmails your emotions.
He will spend a day, night or hour with you and you now owe him your full attention. This is a classic manipulation to make you feel guilty and ashamed. Why would you want to visit your mother, friend or neighbor after he spent the day with you? Isn’t his company enough?
He will pout, cry, and claim that spending time with you is all he wants to do. You feel yourself starting to hesitate and think it might be best to cancel your plans. After all, he loves you and just wants to be with you. How could this be wrong?
No, he wants to control you, and in order to do that he must remove all external obstacles – family, friends, neighbors, volunteer time, even going to the gym. He uses emotional blackmail to make you do his bidding and when you agree to stay in the house with him, he will turn ugly and get angry because he had to beg you to stay with him. The circuit is closed.
- He has impossible expectations.
Are you wondering if you can meet his expectations? Especially those who are silent and non-speaking? He wants you to dress a certain way or act a certain way that you are not. Does he choose what you wear? Does he criticize your choices or threaten to stay home if you insist on wearing this dress?
And every time you respond to his requests and demands, you lose a little of yourself. Your voice and confidence are slowly eroding. In the end, you feel powerless to defend yourself. He has complete control.
- Sex is used as a tool.
Yes, new relationships are lively and that’s great. But the narcissist uses sex as a tool to punish, hurt, condemn, and expose you. He will ask you, take you, force you, or manipulate you to get his way. You will find yourself having sex because you felt like you had no choice or because his feelings were hurt because you said “no.”
He arrives late at night claiming that he misses you terribly and is actually a symbol of all the other girls who rejected him. This is not love or respect. Sex is mutual and not a tool to hurt you, harm you, or make you feel guilty or ashamed. This is the man you want to say goodbye to as quickly as possible.
While dating, ask yourself if you’re starting to feel suffocated or unable to express your feelings or desires without criticism or arguments. If you start questioning yourself and your needs and ignoring your needs to please him, stop the relationship and take a break.
