Grandmothers typically provide an invaluable source of stability, comfort, and guidance. But when the grandmother displays subtle narcissistic traits, the situation becomes more complicated and less stable and comfortable.

In this article, we will explore what covert narcissism is, how to recognize it in your grandmother, and how you can protect yourself emotionally when dealing with the toxic tendencies of a covert narcissistic grandmother.

What is the difference between covert and overt narcissism?

Covert narcissism and overt narcissism are two different sides of the same personality disorder.

Overt narcissists tend to be more open and explicit about their narcissistic traits, while covert narcissists may be more subtle in their expression of these traits.

Overt narcissists can display a range of behaviors including grandiose self-absorption and an inflated sense of superiority.

They are also likely to be overly entitled, expect the world to bend to their will, and manipulate the people around them in order to get what they want.

In addition, they tend to act aggressively when their demands are not met.

On the other hand, covert narcissists may exhibit behaviors such as passive aggression and a need for constant validation.

They can also be emotionally manipulative, using guilt and shame to get what they want without seeming to ask for it directly.

In addition, covert narcissists tend to devalue the people around them, seeing themselves as superior while denigrating their friends and partners.

While both types of narcissism are harmful to those around them, covert narcissists can be difficult to detect, enabling them to manipulate the people around them without being detected.

The most common characteristics of a secret narcissistic grandmother

A grandmother who displays covert narcissistic behavior can wreak havoc on family dynamics due to her tendency to manipulate and lack of empathy.

Here are some of the most common characteristics of covert narcissistic grandmothers and how to recognize them in your own life.

Traits of covert narcissistic grandmother – passive aggressive

The covert narcissistic grandmother often expresses her feelings through passive-aggressive behavior.

This may include subtle forms of manipulation or criticism, such as manipulating, lying, or withholding information or resources from you while providing it to others.

You are also likely to constantly play the victim and never admit to any mistakes or wrongdoing.

On top of that, she will act hostile or unapproachable when confronted.

These behaviors are designed to make you feel guilty about any problem between you – when in reality it is Grandma’s manipulation and narcissistic tendencies that need to be addressed.

Covert Narcissistic Grandma Traits – Need for constant validation

Secretly narcissistic grandmothers are usually overly sensitive to criticism and tend to seek constant validation from those around them.

This often manifests itself in a need for constant attention, compliments, and praise – whether direct or indirect.

They are also overly sensitive to perceived slights, taking any criticism to heart and escalating matters unnecessarily.

Traits of a secret narcissistic grandmother – controlling behavior

The covert narcissistic grandmother feels the need to maintain control in all aspects of the family dynamic, especially when it comes to decision making and how people interact with each other.

Despite their attempts to appear kind and generous, they will always try to manipulate the situation to suit their own needs and desires.

This may come in the form of making decisions on behalf of others without considering different points of view, criticizing others for their behavior or opinions, or using guilt to get people to do what they want.

In some cases, they may go so far as to isolate family members from each other or play them against each other in a sick game of triangulation.

Grandma’s secret narcissistic traits – projecting negative traits onto others

If the covert narcissistic grandmother is feeling insecure or anxious about something, she may respond by projecting her negative qualities onto another person in an attempt to blame them for her own shortcomings.

This can take the form of verbal abuse such as sarcastic comments, insults and sarcasm, or even physical abuse if left unchecked.

It is important not to engage in this type of behavior and instead recognize it for what it is – an attempt on the part of the narcissist to shift the blame for their feelings away from themselves.

Traits of a secret narcissistic grandmother – emotional manipulation

Covert narcissistic grandmothers are experts at emotional manipulation, often using guilt or shame as weapons against anyone who dares to challenge them in any way.

They may do this by blaming others for their mistakes, making subtle comments intended to undermine someone’s self-esteem, or telling lies in order to get what they want.

This can make the other person feel helpless, helpless, ashamed of themselves, and unable to defend themselves or fight.

Traits of a secret narcissistic grandmother – lack of empathy

The covert narcissistic grandmother lacks the ability to truly understand the thoughts and feelings of those around her due to her inability to connect with them emotionally on a deeper level.

Although they may profess to be sympathetic to others, this is not true.

Instead, they are merely a tool used for manipulative purposes – by appearing to understand or sympathize, they can more easily manipulate the emotions of their victims and control them.

They may use this power to make demands or prevent others from challenging their authority.

Learning how to protect yourself from their manipulative behavior is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship with them, and the following five key tips will help you do just that.

Recognizing the signs of hidden narcissism

Recognizing the signs of covert narcissism is crucial, especially if you suspect your grandmother may be one.

It is essential to arm yourself with knowledge to protect your emotional health.

Covert narcissism is often characterized by subtle but harmful behaviors. Signs can include:

Responsibility Deflection: Covert narcissists often refuse to acknowledge their mistakes or mistakes, and instead shift blame onto others.

Control freaks: They may display a strong desire for control, dictate how things should be done and get upset if things don’t go their way.

Lack of Empathy: The main sign of narcissism is selfishness

Behavior and lack of consideration for the feelings of others. Covert narcissists often show little interest in anyone but themselves.

Passive aggressive behavior: They may use indirect means to express their anger or displeasure, such as the silent treatment or offering indirect compliments.

Hypersensitivity: Covert narcissists are often overly sensitive to criticism or insults, reacting strongly to even simple comments.

Manipulation: They may use guilt trips, gaslighting, or other manipulative tactics to control those around them.

By recognizing these signs, you can determine if you are dealing with a covert narcissist.

Build healthy boundaries
Building healthy boundaries with a secret narcissistic grandmother can be difficult but is crucial to your emotional well-being.

Here’s how you can do it:

Define your limits
Start by clearly defining the behaviors you will not tolerate. This can include manipulation, constant criticism, or any form of disrespect. Remember that your feelings and experiences are valid, and you have the right to express them.

Communicate clearly
Once you determine your boundaries, communicate them to your grandmother. Be firm, clear and direct. Explain what these limits are, why they are important to you, and the consequences if they are exceeded.

Be consistent
Maintain consistency in enforcing your boundaries. Covert narcissists may try to test or cross your boundaries. Be firm, and remember that it’s okay to say no when necessary.

Remember, setting boundaries does not mean changing the other person’s behavior.

You can’t control your grandmother’s actions, but you can control how you react to them.

Avoid arguing with your secret narcissistic grandmother
Avoiding arguments with a secret narcissistic grandmother can be difficult, but it’s an essential strategy for maintaining your mental health.

Here are some tips to help you achieve this.

Don’t get involved

If your grandmother tries to provoke you into an argument or displays manipulative behavior, it is best not to get involved.

Remember that you have the right to choose which conversations you participate in.

Be firm, be calm

Be firm and assertive when expressing your feelings, but avoid responding angrily or defensively.

This may fuel the argument further.

Keep your tone neutral and your words clear.