Modern dating is incredibly difficult to navigate, with all sorts of toxic trends and all, like ghosting, bread crumbs, pocketing, etc. , otherwise known as cookie dissonance.

Although the term sounds a bit funny, the practice is not. Handling and dealing with cookies is one of the most difficult and emotionally painful experiences. Before we dive into the signs of cookie dissonance, it’s important to know what cookie dissonance means.

Related: Why Narcissists Twist The Truth: Logical Explanation

What is Garing Cookie?

Cookie dissonance is a dating trend where your “partner” puts you in a “cookie bowl,” while they pursue another relationship. Basically, they put you on your guard and make all kinds of false promises about how serious they are about you and like you, but never seem to live up to their promises.

They will want to sleep with you, go out on dates with you, and call and text you regularly, but they won’t get into a serious relationship with you. They may be in a serious relationship with someone else, but they also want you on the side.

Cookie disharmony occurs in relationships because the person guilty of it is insecure. They always need someone on the side to fulfill their desires, in case their primary partner does not give them what they want.

If their partner is busy, they will hit you up to go on a date. If they feel lonely and their partner is busy, they will turn to you to make them feel better. All you are is a second choice, and nothing more.

So, are you being harassed by cookies?

8 Warning signs of Cookie Jarring

1. I’m starting to suspect they’re in a relationship with someone else.
   No matter how many times they tell you they’re single, you just know they’re seeing someone else. You’ve noticed that they avoid going certain places with you, always keep their phone in your face when they’re with you, refuse to share their password, and get confused when you want to talk about the future of your relationship.

You may find their phones are busy in the late hours and when you ask them about it, they get defensive and argumentative. All signs point to him dating someone else far away from you.

Related: 7 Clever Slang Terms For Discussing Narcissism

2. You don’t feel important in their lives.
   You haven’t met any of their friends. They claim to be serious about you but make no effort to introduce you to their family. They don’t really care about your wants and expectations, no matter how hurtful you may feel.

All of these are major warning signs that you are not that important in their life, and they are simply giving you a spin. They always try to keep you out of their personal lives, and when you try to talk to them about it, they avoid the conversation and even avoid you.

3. You will never go out in public together.
   This is one of the biggest red flags for cookies. If your partner never goes out with you in public, and just prefers to spend time with you at home, it could be one of two things or maybe both — he’s ashamed of you, or he doesn’t want to be seen with you in public.

Maybe they’re dating other people, or they just don’t want to bump into someone familiar. If you are important to them, if you are the only one to them, they will never hide you from anyone else. If your partner is acting so shady, don’t take this lightly.

4. You can’t talk about your future together.
   If a guy is truly interested in you and sees a future with you, you don’t have to force or chase him down to talk about it; They will want to discuss your future together. But if your partner doesn’t, then unfortunately, he has no interest in being with you for the long haul.

They will avoid talking about it or they will simply start avoiding you. You deserve better than this, and if you are being treated this way, you should not give them an important place in your life.

5. When you want to end things, they start showering love on you.
   One of the biggest reasons why cookies are so conflicted is because they don’t want to feel lonely, so they keep you on their toes even when they need someone to support them, you’ll be there to do it.

So, the moment you start letting them down and making the decision to break up, they leave no stone unturned in provoking you. They will shower you with gifts, love, attention, and time, and they will make you feel like the center of their universe.

This is a manipulation tactic that keeps you from leaving them and every time you think about ending things, they will trick you into coming back.

6. They always promise that they will leave their partner/s, but it never happens.
   They are always trying to convince you that they are going to leave their partner and continue a monogamous relationship with you, but they never seem to keep their word. When you confront them about this, they make all sorts of excuses like they need more time, or their partner is a problem and that’s why they feel anxious.

The actual fact is that they have no intention of breaking up, all they want to do is have you as a backup so they will always have someone to lean on whenever they are doing something, or when they are feeling lonely. For them, you are just a reserve.

7. They never post about you on social media.
   They don’t post about you on social media and they don’t let you. You are always treated like a dirty secret that can never be revealed to the public. At the same time, they have no problem posting pictures with other people, including their partner/spouse.

Even if you’ve been together for some time, they will refuse to make the relationship public, no matter how much it may upset or hurt you.

Related: Mental Murder Tactic: When The Narcissist Says ‘You Are Dead To Me’

8. They never answer their phones in front of you.
   If your partner feels uncomfortable answering calls in your presence, and waits to respond to text messages unless you’re out of the room, that’s a huge red flag for a cookie-cutter. This means that they are trying to hide something, perhaps another romantic partner.

If you’re serious about a guy, you shouldn’t feel intimidated, anxious, or embarrassed when answering calls and texts in his presence. So, if your partner is acting shady like that, be careful, because he’s definitely up to something.

If you can relate to most or all of these signs, then unfortunately you have to deal with the cookie inconsistency. You deserve better, and you deserve someone who gives you all of them, instead of scraps here and there.

Let such a toxic person go, and though it may be painful at first, trust me, the right person will come at the right time and love you the way you deserve.