Is your lover a narcissist? Are you a narcissist? What is a narcissist?
Today the word narcissist is thrown around like a hot potato. It seems like everyone is either a narcissist or knows someone who is. No one can figure out how to deal with this creature when it rears its ugly head!
Let’s define the narcissist
A narcissist is like a dragon that cannot be swayed! I even have trouble spelling it correctly! I want to say narcissist – the word really bothers me – let alone the person!
A true narcissist is best described as having an “I come first” or “me first” attitude. “My feelings come before anyone else’s feelings”; “My decisions are always right”; “I will manipulate you to get what I want”; and “I have little sympathy for your feelings because you are an ‘inferior being’ in my world.” Phrases like “It’s my way or the highway” may also come to mind.
Narcissists have a great sense of self-entitlement and self-importance. They crave attention and admiration. The narcissist will take over the conversation, corner you in the hallway and tell you all about how you can save someone’s day, all in order to stroke their ego.
Narcissists can be fun, exciting and even charming, so stop stroking their ego or, God forbid, disagree with them! Call them to find out their behavior patterns and watch out, they will turn on you like a rabid honey badger.
Narcissists may lack empathy. They are incapable of unconditional love. For this reason, they do not think about the tsunami impact of their actions, nor do they care about it. They carry little remorse. They are very good at hiding their negative behaviors from others, until it is too late.
My friend John didn’t realize he was marrying an extreme narcissist until thirty days into their marriage. Three years later, and after much heartache, they are now divorced. I just closed it. When he tried to call her out on her patterns, or encourage her to seek counseling, she rebelled and stopped even seeing their pastor. How dare anyone challenge her!
The interesting thing is that some narcissists are good at many things in life. I hate to give them this credit, but many of them can be very intuitive, perfectionist, and capable of achieving great things. This can make them very attractive to others. They do not display narcissistic behavior 24/7. In fact, many will only show it when their environment requires it. If the narcissist is in unchallenged control of the date night or business meeting, things may be fine!
Narcissists are most often male, and they usually develop this behavior in their early years. It is believed that 6.2% of the population suffers from some type of narcissistic disorder. It is not usually diagnosed until adulthood due to the nature of a child’s mind, which is constantly changing.
There are varying degrees of narcissism. Research identifies two types: the “great” type and the “weak” type.
The vulnerable narcissist is good at covering up his self-esteem and confronting him. The grandiose narcissist truly believes in his own greatness because he is actually very good at some things. The latter is the most difficult to deal with.
How did he/she become?
Most of what we know about narcissism is just theory. A narcissistic person can come directly from being raised by a narcissistic parent. Too much pampering or too much criticism can lead to this behavior. Genetics are also thought to play a role. Somewhere in the brain, something is short-circuited. Another cause may be a crippling event during childhood that was emotionally or spiritually shattering.
Am I involved with a narcissist?
Ask yourself these questions:
- Will he catch a cold if I don’t agree?
- Should the conversation always be about him?
- Does it seem like every decision he makes revolves around him or someone he is protecting (his children)?
- Is the only way to reach him to be accompanied by a compliment?
- Do you find that your needs or ideas are less important or not taken into account?
If you can answer yes to three or more of these questions, you are likely being emotionally abused by a narcissist.
Here are some additional signs of narcissistic behavior:
- The tendency to exaggerate talents or achievements
- A strong sense of entitlement
- Ask for a special treat – Imagine the guy at the restaurant who explodes in the waitress’ face when she forgets water!
- It is easy to feel insulted but does not necessarily show it
- They feel that everyone is jealous of them, and they get jealous easily
- Open acts of arrogance
How do we deal with a narcissistic person?
Ah, the $100,000 question!
Being! do not walk! Run away from this kind of people. The narcissist deserves to be placed front and center in the “wet kitten” category. The above five questions should be used to screen your man before you start shopping for your new silverware set. The intimacy you seek cannot and will not be provided to you in your relationship!
The irony is that this man is great in so many ways. I bet he shows you things you don’t see in others. He has the potential to be very normal, most of the time, so you think bad behavior is just a phase. He can be fixed, just like any other man, or so you think. the truth? Maybe you’re also dating an angry alcoholic who you just dug out of a cardboard box!
Related : How To Say No To Users, Takers, And Other Self-Absorbed People…
This guy could be that bad!
Of course, it is not easy for many of you to escape, and you need to stick to your guns and try to deal with a narcissist. You may be dealing with your boss, a relative, or one of your parents. I get it. But you have to remember that this is a tough nut to crack. Your options may be limited, so consider “running” or reducing the time you spend around this type of individual.
Protect yourself. Don’t always share your personal feelings with this person. He may try to use it against you.
Bring self-worth. If you have low self-confidence or low self-esteem, you will be attacked by narcissists. In fact, it will make things worse. If you’ve read this bestseller, you know that your self-esteem comes long before you get into a relationship with any man!
Make your expectations reasonable. This guy may display some great traits. Teach yourself what they are, see how deep they are and then stop. As much as you think he can continue or change, he can’t, so don’t get caught in his web. Keep your expectations low and you’ll save yourself some misery.
Frame things in a way that helps them. I actually enjoy these types because I know exactly who they are. They are like weak little children who cry over spilled milk. When you want something from them just show them the milk!
Here’s how:
Do you want to cut the grass?
“Hey baby, how about you show me those big strong arms and mow the grass like only you can do?”
Want to meet another couple for dinner?
“Jack and Sarah want to meet for dinner tonight. They know you like Japanese, so we’re thinking about the Gourmet Garden. Would that work?”
