Can you negotiate with a narcissist and win? 10 effective tips

If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you probably know how difficult it is to be around them. Much more, to negotiate with them and win.

But this is not impossible.

Narcissists are known to be selfish and self-serving, but with the right technique and knowledge, it is possible to negotiate with them and get exactly what you want.

interested? Read on to learn 10 ways to negotiate with a narcissist and win!

1) Know what you want
Before you start negotiating, the first thing you need to do is figure out what you want to get out of the conversation.

To do this, you must first determine which issues are worth negotiating. Then think about how you can talk to them about it in a way that they can’t twist your words and, most importantly, that allows you to get what you want.

If you are trying to cut ties with them, how do you want to tell the narcissist that you don’t want them in your life anymore? Consider how they will react and how you will deal with them.

If you’re trying to talk about an issue you recently argued about, how would you talk to them about it without causing another argument?

Remember: Always be clear with yourself first about what you want to achieve. This is because when you don’t know what you want, it translates into the way you communicate it.

With a narcissist, this is vital to consider because they can easily misunderstand what you are saying in a way that makes them think they are under a personal attack.

Always try to make details concrete and iron-clad, so they don’t twist your words against you.

One useful technique that can help you get what you want from a narcissist is to talk to him gently.

2) Talk to them kindly
There is no doubt that narcissists love to feel important. This is because they have an incurable superiority complex and an overly inflated ego.

And you can use this to your advantage.

Sometimes, in order to win negotiations with a narcissist, you first have to give him a little idea of what he wants.

The power of flattery goes a long way with narcissists, so stroke their huge ego. It feeds on their superiority complex. When they react positively, you will see how effective this technique is.
Here are some things you can tell a narcissist in order to flatter him:

  • “You’re so much better than me, I could never do that.”
  • “Wow, you’re so good at what you do!”
  • “How are you doing this gorgeous?”
  • One good situation where this technique can be useful is when you are trying to get a good grade from a narcissistic professor.

This type of narcissist usually evaluates others based on how they look, which is why having a nice conversation with them can make them fall in love with you and give you the good grade you are aiming for!

3) Try kissing (keep it short and sweet)
When negotiating with a narcissist, a good tactic is to keep your statements short and concise. Narcissists don’t really listen to what other people are thinking, unless of course it’s about them. So when you negotiate with them, you have to keep their attention.

This is where the practice of KISS — short for “keep it short and sweet” — comes in handy.
To do this, try not to worry too much about justifying your intentions. You don’t have to make sense to them. Narcissists are usually more concerned with their image than their mind, anyway.

Remember to be clear and concise so you can keep their attention, because if you can’t get them to listen, you can’t really get what you want from them.

If you still find yourself struggling to get their attention, it might be helpful to find their weak points.

4) Find their weaknesses
The main weakness of narcissists is their narcissism itself. To win a negotiation with a narcissist, this is exactly what you need to exploit.

Narcissists are the most defensive of their image. They may appear confident because of their overly inflated ego, but deep down, they are very insecure.

This is why talking about issues that affect their image is useful when negotiating.

For example, if you are divorcing a narcissist, you may take possession of a property like a house by making it appear small and insignificant to you, perhaps even horrible and ugly.

This will make them think that it is small and unimportant, so why should they care about something that is ugly and dilapidated? Because of this, they will end up giving it to you.

If you can make them think it’s not important, they’ll be more likely to give it to you. Narcissists tend to only want shiny things, things that elevate their status, so they’re more likely to give you what you want when you make it seem dull as a rock.

However, when you pick on a narcissist’s vulnerabilities and prod them, it’s entirely possible for him to attack them, which means you have to be emotionally prepared when he hits you back.

5) Emotionally disconnected
Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting.

They tend to make people feel small and undervalued by pointing out their insecurities, making their interests seem ridiculous, and sometimes going so far as to laugh at their problems.
Oftentimes, they don’t realize that they are making people feel that way. This is because narcissists are emotionally disabled, meaning they are completely incapable of feeling empathy.

I have fallen victim to a narcissist’s games. My friendship with a narcissist took a toll on my mental health, and I only recovered with time and time.

So when you negotiate with a narcissist, you must strengthen your mental fortitude.

Listing your triggers can be helpful in this regard. Do your triggers include talking about your mother, your weight, or your appearance? Making mental notes about them can help you know when a narcissist is attacking them.

Knowing when and how to avoid safe topics can also help you deal with a narcissist.

6) Know when to deviate
It is very important to know when to back down when negotiating with a narcissist.

To do this, you can set up safe topics before negotiating. This can help you deflect the conversation when you start to feel hurt or personally attacked.

When you feel like the conversation is taking a wrong turn, as if they’re starting to make fun of your concerns, veer off to safe topics. Some examples of these safe topics include the weather or current events.

Of course, you can also refocus the conversation on the topic it was already about.

For example, if you’re talking about breaking up with your partner, bring it back to that so you don’t lose the gist of the conversation.

Focusing on the things you can control can also help you stand your ground when negotiating with a narcissist.

8) Focus on what you can control
If you’ve been with a narcissist long enough, you may have developed a coping mechanism by always trying to decipher their hidden motives.

You may find yourself thinking:

What could they mean by ? What could be their intention behind doing ?
Stop there.

Worrying about their hidden intentions will do you no good, and will only distract you from winning the negotiation.

Of course, it can be very difficult to get rid of this behavior especially when you are used to being around narcissists, so don’t beat yourself up if you can’t get rid of this behavior right away.

But instead of worrying about their ulterior motives, try focusing on your goals, intentions, and what you want to achieve instead so you don’t lose ground.

9) Take note of what has been achieved
After negotiating, be sure to note what was achieved.

Let’s say you finally get what you want from them, but you only get their word – this is still risky because they can go back on what they said and play their mind games by telling you they never said that.

This is why it is so important to have concrete evidence of the results of the negotiations.

To do this, you can have a witness during the negotiations so they cannot take back what they say. For legal issues such as divorce, having an attorney present during negotiation is extremely important.

You can also try recording the conversation with their explicit consent to write down what was achieved.

10) Know when to compromise
I know the point of this article is to negotiate with and win over a narcissist but hear me out.

As we discussed earlier, some things are out of our control, and we shouldn’t blame ourselves if we can’t change them.

This applies to negotiating with a narcissist as well.

Ultimately, narcissism is a personality disorder. They are unable to feel empathy and look at the consequences of their actions outside of themselves.

This means that you can’t force them to feel sorry for what they did, or magically make them realize that they were wrong.

Personality disorders are known to be incurable, so you have no right to change the narcissist.

For your good, you must know when to accept defeat. This does not mean that you have lost, it simply means that you are saving your energy for more important things, and setting yourself up for greater future victories.

How to deal after dealing with a narcissistic person

Now that you know how to negotiate with and win over a narcissist, it’s also important to know how to deal with them after dealing with them.

As you already know, dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting. Here are some ways you can deal with the effects of your negotiations.

Get rid of your unhealthy coping mechanisms
Being with a narcissist long enough can destabilize the mind.

You may have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms for survival, and it can be very difficult to unlearn what you’ve learned in the aftermath.