In their daily lives, people with narcissistic personality traits engage in several undesirable behaviors that can get them into trouble. They get angry, shirk their duties, and use sexual language, especially if they are the “entitled” type of narcissist. Many social critics wonder whether our society is becoming increasingly narcissistic, thus fostering this type of unproductive and exploitative behavior. Whether or not this is true, there have certainly been many recent cases of people whose tendencies toward self-aggrandizement and self-importance have led to their public meltdown.
Public figures seem to be particularly susceptible to developing a narcissistic mindset. As they do, they enter what some call a “narcissistic bubble,” meaning they lose their sense of responsibility for their behavior. When you think about it, this makes sense.
First, becoming a public figure means you are already seeking some kind of attention, even if it is in the context of public service. Ironically, once a person becomes a public figure, they gain an entourage that protects them from the public. This is the second reason why people enter the narcissistic bubble. They don’t have to deal with the pressures and struggles of everyday life. There is always someone else there to do it for them. The third reason that contributes to entering the narcissistic bubble is media attention. If your every move is followed, no matter how trivial, you can easily start to believe that everything you do is important and interesting. Fourth, public figures are constantly fawned over by admirers and “men and women who obey orders.” With the constant temptation that comes with flattery and adulation, public figures can easily be drawn into unfortunate sexual adventures. Fifth, successful celebrities, athletes, and politicians are likely to make a lot of money. They can buy whatever they want whenever they want. This ability to give in to their wildest fantasies often fosters reckless and impulsive behavior, which can lead to financial ruin if left unchecked. One type of victim of the narcissistic bubble is a celebrity or politician who rises to the top very quickly but does not have the time or perhaps the emotional maturity (in the case of young adolescents) to integrate these amazing new experiences into their sense of identity. The other type of victim enters the narcissistic bubble more slowly. Over the years, this person’s fame and reputation reinforce a sense of invulnerability and importance. These individuals expect special treatment, and they invariably get it.
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Shakespeare, who can always be counted on for insight and wisdom, coined the phrase “bubble reputation” in his famous speech “The Seven Ages of Man” delivered by the temperamental character Jack in As You Like It, and Shakespeare uses Malvolio in Twelfth Night to describe its dangers. It is Malvolio who says that “some men are born great, some become great, and some are forced to be great.” Malvolio, the ultimate narcissist, mistakenly believes that this phrase is secretly intended to apply to him. As a result, he places himself in a position where he is ridiculed by everyone in his social circle. His downfall is brutal and absolute. If you seek a bubble reputation, you begin to believe in your greatness, and this becomes your ultimate undoing. Ironically, even psychologists are not immune to the narcissistic bubble. For example, in 2008, Dr. Phil McGraw seemed to put himself in this position when he publicly diagnosed Britney Spears. His sense of invulnerability led someone who should have been more aware to engage in behavior that violated confidentiality.
Researchers who study narcissism recognize that it falls into two subtypes: grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. Grandiose narcissists have an inflated sense of self. Vulnerable narcissists are highly sensitive to rejection, more prone to shame, and do not engage in grandiose fantasies. Israeli psychologists Avi Besser and Beatrice Briel asked a sample of adults recruited from the community to imagine one of two types of threats: those related to their work achievements and those related to their relationships. For example, participants were asked to imagine a threat to their job achievement, and then read the following scenario:
“Recently, a promotion opportunity came up for just one exceptional employee; you’re competing for this opportunity and want it very much. You’ve been invited to a meeting with X, the CEO. You approached X’s office earlier than expected. As you walk into the office, you hear laughter coming from inside. They seem to be celebrating—perhaps they already know who won the promotion. As you approach, you see the door open. You open the door, and X is toasting with your opponent to celebrate his promotion. You hear X say to this person, ‘Of all the candidates for this promotion, you’re the best.’”
The results clearly showed that participants with grandiose narcissism were most vulnerable to threats to their achievement, and those with vulnerable narcissism were most vulnerable to threats to interpersonal relationships. In other words, if you want to hurt grandiose narcissists, target their feelings of work accomplishment. If you want to hurt vulnerable narcissists, make them question their security and Their relationships. The findings also suggest that when the narcissism bubble bursts, it bursts differently for the two types of narcissists.
How can you avoid falling into the trap of the narcissistic bubble? Here are five steps you can take to control your ego:
- Recognize when you’re heading into the narcissistic bubble. Making excuses for your unjustified behavior, failing to reciprocate when others help you, and taking advantage of people who express admiration for you can all be signs that you’re headed for danger.
- Maintain your mental balance. Whether it’s becoming the bowling league champion or winning a national election, it’s important to stay connected to your original goals.
- Keep challenging your beliefs. Even normal narcissists believe that the world revolves around them. Ask yourself, or have someone else ask you if you’re as special as you think you are.
- Find powerful ways to boost your self-esteem. People with vulnerable narcissism react badly when their relationships aren’t going well. By boosting your self-esteem, you can protect yourself from the harm that such destructive relationships can cause. Boosting your self-esteem will also make you less likely to experience the fragile form of narcissism.
- Turn a burst bubble into an opportunity for self-improvement. We’ve all seen politicians or celebrities’ “apologies” that don’t seem sincere. Whether it’s your coworkers, family members, or a nation of followers you have to apologize to, take the experience seriously and use it to change your life. There are also ways to harness adaptive narcissism that can improve your ability to succeed.
