In today’s world, we are more likely to enter into a long-distance relationship than ever before.

You meet an amazing person on Instagram who doesn’t live in the same country…

You start dating the perfect guy in your city, only to discover that he’s been offered a new job 1,000 miles away…

Suddenly, you find yourself having ‘Facetime dates’, and you now spend half your work day sending silly pictures to each other on Whatsapp or SnapChat.

You feel like you’re falling in love with this guy, but can it work out in the long run?

Should you follow your heart and pursue it, or should you listen to your mind and stop? what is the answer?

Long Distance Relationships

Here’s what you really need to know…

First, how confident can you be about how much you like a person? A term that perfectly describes the trap you might fall into when the person you’re attracted to lives far away:

Cognitive dissonance – liking someone more because they are far away. While overlooking their negative qualities and the problems the relationship might pose if you were together every day instead of on an intermittent honeymoon.

Consider the idea of putting a premium on a relationship just because you can’t have it because of a barrier. This applies not only to distance, but to any barrier.

Or Romeo and Juliet.

How much can Juliet really trust how much she likes Romeo? Did she really like him because they had such an amazing relationship and connection? Or did she think, “Oh, he’s a nice guy.”

Then when she heard that he was also part of the wrong gang and that she couldn’t have him, she asked, “Can’t you have him? We’ll see about that.”

Why is it so important to evaluate how stable your feelings for someone are in reality? Because in a long distance relationship you are playing with an impossibly limited resource – your time.

You can waste months or years on a long-distance relationship that never ends. The reality of long distance relationships is that it is very easy to slip into them. You start talking to someone; You are flirting; You realize that you find them charming; You want to talk to them more.

You enjoy telling them about your day and before you know it – what started out as harmless and fun leads to an exclusive relationship where you are now committed to someone you rarely – if ever – get to have sex with. I know this seems surprising.

Why did you jump into sex specifically and suddenly? Because what separates deep friendship from intimacy?

Some of you might argue that intimacy can be created from afar. This is where it’s so important to follow those sage words, “Know thyself.”

Related : Attachment Theory And How It Can Help (Or Hurt) Your Relationship

You need to know how important physical intimacy is to you. If, as is the case for many, physical intimacy is very important to you – something you need on a regular basis in your relationship, then you know that being in a long-distance relationship is something that will be a form of torture for you. This in turn makes it very important that you actually have a plan to be together.

A long distance relationship is about discovering things as a means to an end. Do you love each other enough to move on to be with the other person?

It’s not like that, we do Skype calls because it’s fun and we miss each other. Or when will we go on our next vacation?

You can’t live for a vacation. You have to live for real life. Real life is when someone is committed enough to make the investment to leave their place to be with you or vice versa.

If that doesn’t happen anytime soon, you may want to seriously consider whether an exclusive, committed relationship with this person is worth it.

This doesn’t mean that if you meet the love of your life, you should dump him because he’s geographically undesirable. I say: Be honest with yourself. Are you lazy? Do you feel comfortable getting what you need at night by talking to someone about your day rather than risking meeting someone new?

Do you have a scarcity mentality where no one will come with you so you have to settle for that person who is miles away? Is there an actual plan? Because if not – no matter how perfect you think you are for each other – neither of you will take the relationship seriously.