Have you ever spent time with someone who seemed friendly but left you feeling insecure and emotionally drained after you got home? If so, it is likely that you have encountered someone with toxic personality traits.
A recent article in Sloane Management Review notes that toxic work cultures are a driving force behind major quitting. Toxic cultures begin with individuals behaving in toxic ways.
So, there’s good reason to pay attention to toxic behavior and learn to spot the traits before they send you or your teammates looking for a new job. Toxic traits are not actually traits at all.
toxic traits
It refers to habits, behaviors, and ongoing actions that harm others. Many toxic traits (such as selfishness) can be subtle, and we want to see the best in people. Of course, identifying the toxic people in your life can be challenging.
But toxic individuals are more common than you might think. According to the Journal of Violence and Victims, 48.4% of women and 48.8% of men have experienced psychological aggression from their partners. Plus, according to a recent survey by Korn Ferry, 35% of employees say their boss is the biggest source of stress at work.
Not all behaviors are so sexy. Let’s explore the toxic traits you need to watch out for in relationships — at work, home, or anyone else.
Although they usually remain the same, traits can change over time due to factors such as:
expertise
belief systems
Major life stages
When discussing traits, we need to draw a line between “trait” and “behaviour”. Traits are often innate. On the other hand, behaviors are actions that we can control. For example, a person’s level of “openness” is considered a trait. But “lying” is behavior.
When people talk about toxic traits, they are not usually talking about a person’s traits, but instead the term refers to the person’s behavior. Behaviors can be described as “healthy” or “unhealthy”. Unhealthy or toxic behaviors include:
Selfishness
hostility
manipulate
Let’s look at several examples of toxic traits.
30 Examples of toxic traits
If you see someone throw a chair through a window, you might think they “have a toxic anger trait.” But not all toxic personality traits are obvious.
Many people’s toxic traits manifest in subtle ways. You may not immediately recognize them when you encounter toxic behaviors in a relationship. Let’s discuss 30 toxic traits and behaviors and their warning signs.
Negativity: A person with negativity may see the world as cold, cruel, and evil. They may complain repeatedly, spoil the fun, or demoralize people with defeatist comments and actions.
Judgment: A judgmental person can judge situations, people, or events without experience. For example, a friend might tell you that the concert is going to be boring or lackluster even before you arrive.
Dishonesty: A person who displays dishonesty may lie or mislead others. The act of lying is a choice. But lying is the tendency to lie. Many people use lying as a coping mechanism.
Stiffness: A rigid person may be stubborn, inflexible, or unable to adapt when things don’t go as planned. For example, an employee may have difficulty adjusting when a new boss joins your team and changes the team dynamic.
Rudeness: A person who exhibits rude behavior may speak or act without manners that most people would consider culturally appropriate. For example, someone might talk to the server without saying “please” or “thank you”.
Lack of empathy for others: A person who lacks empathy for others may have difficulty understanding other people’s feelings and thoughts. For example, a leader who lacks empathy may not notice that an employee is struggling to complete work because they are tired.
Sarcasm: A person who displays sarcasm may believe that interests and goals motivate people at the expense of others. For example, a sarcastic person might assume that a polite server was friendly only to get good advice.
Recklessness: A reckless person may not consider the danger their actions pose to themselves or others. For example, a reckless person might encourage you to do a dangerous activity.
Picky: A picky person may struggle in situations that are new, outside their comfort zone, or that don’t meet their standards. For example, a picky eater might refuse to eat a meal you cooked for them because they haven’t tried a main ingredient before.
Argument: A person who argues may find pleasure or enjoyment in starting an argument. For example, a person might look for flaws in a family member’s idea and try to provoke a fight with them. Not all conflicts are bad, but arguing for the sake of arguing can be harmful.
Quick to anger: A person who is quick to anger may be upset because of a reason that may offend most people. For example, a colleague may get angry quickly and have trouble calming himself down.
Bullying: A bossy person may take charge of a situation, claim control, or assert dominance over others. For example, a bossy colleague might micromanage your part of the project, even though they don’t have power over you. A bossy colleague may also challenge or undermine your manager’s leadership.
Self-focus: A person who displays selfishness may focus more on their own needs than the needs of someone else. For example, a selfish friend may refuse to console another friend because they would rather do something else.
Arrogance: A person who displays arrogance may believe that they are smarter and more important than others. As such, they may treat others rudely or dismissively. For example, an arrogant and selfish employee may refuse to listen to anyone else’s ideas and is unwilling to cooperate.
Greed: A greedy person may take more than he needs at the expense of others. For example, a friend suffering from greed might eat a slice of cake that you saved for a friend who missed cutting the cake.
Miserliness: A miserly person may refuse to share his time, property, or money with him. They do this even when someone else deserves them. For example, a stingy family member may refuse to pay their portion of the restaurant bill.
Deception: A sneaky person may hide his actions and words from others for personal benefit. For example, one of your colleagues may sabotage your work by neglecting to pass on important instructions from your manager.
Mindlessness: A thoughtless person may not think about how his or her actions or words will affect others. For example, a family member might tell your extended family a secret that you shared with them in confidence.
Disruption: A disturbing person may talk or interrupt others for personal gain. For example, an employee might play music loudly in the office.
Conflict avoidance: A person who has difficulty avoiding conflicts may have difficulty talking to others because they are afraid of upsetting people. For example, a conflict-avoidant friend might allow another friend to insult them for fear of an argument.
Impulsivity: An impulsive person may make impulsive decisions based on emotion. For example, an impulsive friend may spend a lot of money because they lack emotional regulation skills.
Laziness: A lazy person may have difficulty completing tasks due to his lack of inspiration, motivation, and drive. For example, an employee may avoid completing their tasks because they do not want to.
Apathy: A perso
Manipulation: Manipulation involves using tactics to control or influence others to advance one’s own interests. Manipulative individuals often use techniques such as deception, guilt, gaslighting, or mind games. They exploit the weaknesses and emotions of others to maintain control over them. This toxic trait erodes trust, creates power imbalances, and undermines the autonomy and well-being of the other person in the relationship.
Selfishness: Selfishness refers to an excessive focus on one’s own needs, wants, and interests while ignoring or neglecting the needs of others. Selfish individuals prioritize their own well-being without regard to the impact of their actions on others. This can lead to a lack of empathy, unwillingness to compromise, and an overall imbalance in the relationship. It hinders the development of a mutually beneficial and supportive partnership.
Perfectionism: Perfectionism is an obsession with perfection and setting unrealistically high standards for oneself and others. Perfectionists often suffer from self-criticism and have a strong fear of failure. They impose these unrealistic expectations on themselves and those around them, which leads to constant dissatisfaction, criticism and a negative atmosphere. The pressure to meet impossible standards can lead to strained relationships, as it becomes difficult to feel accepted or appreciated for who you are.
Hostility: Hostility involves showing persistent anger, aggression or resentment towards others. Aggressive individuals tend to get angry easily, quickly argue or insult others, and have difficulty controlling their emotions. This toxic trait creates a tense and hostile environment that undermines open communication, emotional safety, and overall relationship satisfaction. It can lead to a cycle of conflict, hurtful behavior, and damaged trust.
Aggression: Aggression refers to the tendency to use force, intimidation, or hostility to assert dominance or control over others. Aggressive behavior can manifest itself physically, verbally, or emotionally. It involves attacking, threatening or harming others. Aggression creates fear, hurt, and a sense of danger within a relationship. It damages trust, safety, and emotional well-being, making it nearly impossible to foster a healthy, nurturing connection.
When discussing common examples of toxic traits, you should remember two important things.
First, some behaviors can play out positively in certain scenarios. But that doesn’t make them positive. For example, a bossy person may produce high-quality work that impresses colleagues and superiors. But bullying can make a person feel stressed and destroy healthy relationships.
Second, our behaviors do not define us as a person. This is true whether the behavior is negative or positive. For example, the person is not negative or rigid. Alternatively, the person may have the toxic trait of passivity or rigidity. We can change our toxic traits through introspection and reflection. We can also change it by working on our mental health.
Signs that you are in a toxic situation with someone
Most people encounter someone with toxic traits at some point. Here are five red flags that you are in a toxic situation that you may need to address.
They flirt with you or lie to you
Someone with toxic traits may cover up their behavior by lying to you or making light of themselves. Gaslighting is a type of manipulation where the gaslighting attempts to make you question your version of events.
You will know someone is trying to put a spotlight on you if they make you feel unsure of your feelings or insecure in your knowledge. However, there is a difference between someone who disagrees with you and someone who puts you in the spotlight.
