This may sound cynical but it is true.
Selfish people do not know that they are selfish.
They just assume they are good people who care about their own happiness more than anything else.
But in their journey towards finding their happiness, they carelessly and willfully walk over people.
According to F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W. In psychology today, there are two defining characteristics of egoism:
Excessive or exclusive concern for oneself; lack of consideration for the needs or feelings of others.
In every relationship, be it platonic or romantic, partners give and take from each other as equals without counting.
But being in a relationship with a selfish person means that they take away your love and affection, without giving back in return. They think they need them more than they need you.
Unfortunately, it is not easy to notice the traits of selfish people. Most of the time, they are people pleasers and hide their dark side very well.
Constantly dealing with someone who is selfish can make your life miserable, says Barth:
According to Art Markman, PhD, professor of psychology, narcissists and psychopaths “tend to be quite selfish and manipulative.”
It’s not until you let them in and drop your guard that they start to show their true colors.
So watch out for these early signs I think a selfish person is.
1) Selfish people are good manipulators
In the end, with the selfish person, all situations and relationships revolve around him.
According to emotional therapist Darlene Ouimet, manipulative people simply don’t ask themselves:
A manipulative person refers to a person who seeks to control people and circumstances just to get what they want. They may use emotional blackmail. Selfish people are natural manipulators and control freaks at heart.
According to Abigail Brenner M.D. in Psychology Today, manipulative people “truly believe their way of handling a situation is the only way because it means their needs are met, and that’s all that matters.”
Manipulation is scary because it’s not something people are born with. It has been developed over time and practiced.
2) Selfish people plotting and plotting against you
This is the case of selfish people who are complete narcissists.
Selfish people are manipulative and are looking to get something from you for their own benefit.
Abigail Brenner M.D. writes in Psychology Today, “Manipulative people only really care about you as a way to allow them control so that you become an unwilling participant in their plans.”
They may start to mention weeks in advance about something that might happen or that they fear will happen.
So when shit hits the fan, don’t be surprised and do whatever you can to take back control of the situation.
If you want to learn more about the signs of manipulative people and how to deal with them, watch this video we made on the traits of a conniving person and how to deal with them.
3) Selfish people don’t care about others
Selfish people don’t care about and ignore the needs of others.
For example, if you open up your emotions to them, they may try to manipulate you into getting what they want or make you feel guilty.
According to Timothy J. Legg, PhD, CRNP at Health Line, if you’re upset, the emotionally manipulative person may be trying to make you feel guilty for your feelings.
They may use statements like “If you really loved me, you would never ask me” or “I couldn’t take this job. I don’t want to be away from my kids so much.”
If you are in this situation, you should not count on them. Instead, learn to put yourself first when you are with them.
4) Selfish people are conceited and selfish
The way egoists think is that they want to be first. However, they are not satisfied with being a priority. They also want to disappoint you.
Have you ever met someone who insists that everything they say is relevant and everything you say isn’t? This is a classic example of a selfish person.
According to F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W. In psychology today, highly self-involved people are less likely to respond to your needs:
The way this is handled is to simply ignore them. Let them be who they are and don’t let them affect you personally.
5) Selfish people find it difficult to share and give
Maybe you know a selfish person but have some doubts because this person is showing a caring side.
Let me tell you this is all fake. Caring, sharing, and giving are not easy for them, and these actions will show in this situation.
For one, they’ll want something in return. They probably want everyone to know about it so that it can be praised.
If you are in this situation, just let the gesture of goodwill go unnoticed and don’t praise them for it.
6) Selfish people put their goals before others
Art Markman, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of Brain Summaries, told SELF, “When we call someone selfish [as an adjective], we mean that they consistently put their goals ahead of other people’s goals.”
According to Sarah Newman, MA, MA of External Affairs at Psych Central, “Selfish people need other people, and that’s why they’re always violating boundaries.”
Because of their way of thinking, they expect others to do things for them. When you see this happening, don’t let them get what they want.
It’s all about control, so don’t give it to them.
7) Selfish people don’t show weakness or vulnerability
Selfish people don’t do anything for free. They have a fear of experiencing something and feeling that the action doesn’t actually help or serve much purpose.
It’s always “what’s in it for me?”
According to Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. Narcissists are “effective at protecting against extreme vulnerability.”
Egoists or narcissists are afraid to show weakness. They believe that by helping others, it is showing weakness or inner insecurity.
They don’t realize that everyone has weaknesses, even them. These weaknesses are what make us human but for them, they are above everything, so they are close to perfection.
8) Selfish people do not accept constructive criticism
Selfish people cannot and will not accept constructive criticism. Their huge egos can’t handle this constructive criticism for their own good.
Krause explained in Psychology Today that “egocentrism can cause us to make false assumptions about what other people are thinking or feeling” and “get upset or angry when others fail to see things their way.”
This is particularly the case with the narcissist, says Leon F. Seltzer Ph.D. In Psychology Today:
“When criticizing narcissists, the narcissist shows that they are unable to maintain any emotional poise, or acceptance.”
They just think you are trying to devalue their work and potential. This situation will always end with the selfish person standing up for themselves.
Indeed, it is very difficult for them to realize that they are wrong.
Related:
9) Selfish people think they deserve everything
Being selfish is characterized not only by self-centeredness but also by a false sense of entitlement.
For example, they expect to be rewarded constantly even without doing anything. the reason? They just deserve everything and are perfect.
According to Margalis Vilstad, PhD, LMFT at Mind Body Green, narcissists believe that everything around them must be perfect:
They believe they will always be successful because they are who they are.
10) Selfish people don’t listen to people who don’t agree with them
According to Timothy J. Legg, PhD, CRNP at Health Line, says narcissists “can be too busy talking about themselves to listen to you…they won’t stop talking about themselves…you.”
When you say something to a selfish person, even if it is constructive, it will be taken against you. They will think that you are their enemy and that you are not worthy of their respect or concern.
Criticism is good because it allows you to learn from the opinions of others. But a selfish person does not have time to broaden his horizons and grow.
11) Selfish people criticize others behind their backs
Selfish people prefer easy rule and there is nothing easier than ruling behind one’s back.
Deep down, they fear that they are not right and will pass that judgment on to others, from a distance.
They may do this because they believe they are better than others, according to Rhonda Freeman, PhD. In Psychology Today for an article on narcissism:
12) Selfish people exaggerate their accomplishments
One of the worst shortcomings of selfishness is their lack of humility.
Humility, considered a precious human virtue, is essential for us to grow as people and as social beings in our environment.
But selfish people, who have huge egos, will always look for ways to stand out and exaggerate their accomplishments.
Unfortunately, Rhonda Freeman says you won’t be able to change her mind, either:
13) Selfish people are afraid of public failure
Susan Degges-White Ph.D. He says that “narcissists are unable to tolerate failure of any kind and public humiliation is the worst kind of failure that can happen.”
Selfish people cannot contemplate their own failure. When they fail, they either run away from the situation or blame others.
However, when others fail is another story. They don’t think twice about lashing out when others fail.
Most of the time, they’re the first to tell you that “you should have seen that coming.”
14) Selfish people dominate others
According to Dan Neuharth, PhD, MFT, “Many narcissists take a win-at-all-costs, anything goes approach.”
Do you know someone who calls you whenever you feel like it? Or ask you to meet them according to their whims and fantasies?
This is one of the traits of a selfish person – he has it on his fingers and it is very difficult for him to part. Victims of selfishness end up losing confidence.
Dan Neuharth states that “Narcissists distort the truth through misinformation, oversimplification, cynicism, and sowing doubt. Narcissists can be incredibly adept at using classic elements of thought control and brainwashing.”
If you are in this situation, turn the tables and don’t lose your personality. If they can’t take your stand, they will walk out of your life. This is a good thing for you.
If you are wondering how to deal with a selfish person, check out 9 tips below.
