My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex and he broke my heart.

They say love is blind. And my trust in him made me blind to some of the more obvious signs of his infidelity. And looking back, there were definitely clues.

If you think he could be cheating on you with his ex, then you should pay attention to the red flags that he is a) having an affair b) his ex is not over.

These two things combined will show you the signs that he is cheating on his ex.

18 signs he is cheating on his ex

1) You begin to notice that your relationship has changed
What are the first signs of cheating? They are often witty. You might not even be able to put your finger on it, but something is different. There was a noticeable shift in the relationship.

It could be that you two don’t feel as close as you used to. There is a little magic missing. You don’t laugh and joke like in the early days. You agonize more about stupid things.

Or you may feel that change has come from him. Maybe he just doesn’t feel happy anymore. He may suddenly criticize you too much. Sometimes it may seem as if he is acting like a different person.

Of course, pairs go through rough patches or grow apart. This in itself definitely does not mean that he is cheating.

But these kinds of cracks in a relationship can also indicate that there is someone else on the scene.

2) They were hanging out all of a sudden
Let’s face it. No one likes an ex who’s still hanging out. Even if he says they are just good friends, it’s not a nice feeling.

If they broke up years ago and have been friends since then it probably isn’t a big deal (even if you don’t like them). Especially if they aren’t exactly the best of friends and only see each other occasionally or only keep in touch through social media.

But if he suddenly rekindles that friendship and starts hanging out one-on-one with her again, you’ll understandably feel suspicious.

It’s not that you can’t be friends with your ex. It’s more than respect for your new partner, there’s a definite line you shouldn’t cross.

That includes going over to her house, taking trips together, or meeting up regularly one on one.

Spending a lot of time with your ex is sure to cause problems in your current relationship. Your man should realize that being close to her makes you jealous and insecure.

If he’s still friends with her and it bothers you, you should talk to him about it. As your man, he should always be thinking about your feelings.

If he’s not ready to do that, it’s no wonder you start to think there’s no smoke without fire and something must happen in between.

3) A professional instructor confirms the signals
This article will give you a good idea of whether or not he is cheating on his ex, but no two cases are the same.

This is why you should talk to a relationship coach if you really want to know the truth.

Relationship Hero is a site for highly trained, professional relationship coaches who are experts at recognizing signs of infidelity – especially when cheating with an ex.

Instead of constantly worrying about him or trying to identify clues that he’s messing around, why not get the answers you’re looking for now?

The coach will be able to analyze your relationship and all the cheating signs that have surfaced, either confirming your worst fears or reassuring you that you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.

Either way – living in fear and waiting for recognition from him is not the answer.

Take the free quiz and match with a coach today.

Just think, in a few hours you can finally get the affirmation you need to move forward in life!

4) He begins to spend a lot of time away from home
When was the last time you saw him? Is he very busy lately? Did he start work too late? Does he tell you where he’s going? Or does he sometimes go off the radar and you’re not sure who he is or what he’s doing?

He may be constantly late or never home when you call him.

Losing fate for hours is a classic sign of cheating. It seems reasonable. If he is seeing his ex, he needs to find the time (and excuses) to do so.

If he always works late hours, he might see her at night. If he disappears for long periods of time, he may be having secret meetings with his ex.

Either way, this is a sign that things aren’t quite right. And if he’s lying about where he’s headed and why, you know something fishy is going on.

5) He always talks about it
You might think that talking about it all the time seems like a surefire way to blow his cover if he’s having an affair. But here’s the funny thing, when we like someone, we often end up talking about it without noticing it.

They’re on your mind, you see them a lot, and so you bring them up in conversation. One of the telltale signs my ex was having an affair is that he never shuts up about it.

Her name found its way into the stories he was telling, and the conversations we were having seemed nonsensical.

Basically, he talks about her so much that it reflects his interest in her. Do you know when a friend has a crush on him and always finds a way to raise him up? It’s kind of like that.

While it may not indicate a full-blown affair, bringing it up all the time is at least a troubling sign that he’s not over his ex.

6) He has been acting distant or cold towards you
Cheating men tend to start acting differently around their partners. This is why it is important to pay attention to the way he treats you.

He is moody and withdrawn. It gives you the cold shoulder. acting from afar. Avoids eye contact.

One of the ways men tend to change when they’re in an affair is by withdrawing. Are you suddenly being ignored? Do you notice that he doesn’t seem as interested in you as before?

Acting colder could be a sign that he is withdrawing emotionally from the relationship. It may also be a way to hide from you and deal with guilt.

7) Compare the two of you
Comparing your current partner to your ex is a big no, no no. This includes comparing yourself to your relationship in general.

If he starts doing this, you need to stop him. And if he continues after you ask him to stop it, that’s a big warning sign. This is because it shows that he still cares about his ex and hasn’t moved on.

Even when it is not necessarily a compliment to her. Still not cool.

Why? Because the truth is, if he’s comparing you to her, he’s probably still thinking about her, even though he said otherwise.

While it’s normal for an ex to come to mind every now and then, your comparison suggests that he thinks about her more than he should.

The fact that he’s considering you two comparisons means he’s still invested in her and potentially carrying a torch for their relationship.

8) He is discreet on his phone
Guys who do the dirty are more guarded on their phones. And for a very good reason. Most things are discovered through technology these days.

A survey found that texts are the most popular way to discover affairs. More specifically, men are caught sending sexy messages or pictures to their lovers.

If he’s been more protective of his phone lately, you might suspect there’s something he doesn’t want you to see. So watch out for any changes in his behavior around his phone.

Maybe he always makes sure his phone is face down on the table lately, when he wasn’t used to. He may have changed his phone’s password when you used to know it, to prevent you from gaining access. Or he could be spending a lot of time glued to text messages on his phone but being dismissive or elusive about who he’s talking to.

You might know for a fact that he and his ex-wife have been texting a lot lately, but he swears it’s all innocent.

9) He has a history of cheating
They say once a cheat, always a cheat. But is this really fair? Of course, people can change. And we all make mistakes.

But there is evidence that men who have a long history of infidelity in their relationships are more likely to repeat this past behavior again.

In fact, one study found that people who cheated in their first relationship were three times more likely to be unfaithful in their second relationship than people who didn’t cheat.

If he’s been known to be a bit of a player, if he’s been unfaithful to you before, or if your relationship started out as an affair – these are risk factors for future infidelity.

If he cheated on her with you, it’s fair to assume that he wouldn’t think twice about doing the same with you either.

10) He did not want to part with her
How do you know he’s not over his ex?

Well, if they had a nightmare of a relationship he felt good to get out of, why would he want to get back at his ex? But if he doted on her, and she broke his heart, he could still have feelings for her.

By itself, the fact that she dumped him meant very little. But if combined with other doubts, it becomes even more important.

This means that he was not involved in the relationship when they broke up. It wasn’t him who wanted to be away from her.

If he still has feelings for her, and she’s still in his life, that could make him more open to cheating.

11) You have a strong intuitive sense
Intuition should not be confused with paranoia. The two are very different. But sometimes you just have a gut feeling that he’s cheating but no evidence.

Your gut feeling is that your subconscious mind is picking up a lot of subtle cues and pieces of information behind the scenes. So even when there’s nothing concrete to point to, you still have a strong feeling that it doesn’t fit.

On the other hand, you are more likely to develop paranoia when you are needy, insecure, and jealous. It may take a good dose of self-awareness to tell the difference.

But if you’re not the jealous type and you’ve never had issues with relationship insecurity before, it’s most likely your gut that’s giving you this information.

You may have tried telling yourself that you’re just being silly, but you can still shake it off.

Don’t ignore this feeling. It’s telling you that things aren’t quite right, and you should at least talk about it with your boyfriend.

Healthy relationships are built on good communication. You should be able to talk openly about the issues you have.

12) Lie about something small
This isn’t necessarily a red flag, but it could be.

Lying is clearly a sign of deception. The problem is that many people tell seemingly innocent “white lies” to their partners. Usually to keep the peace or stay out of trouble.

But small lies can also mask much larger lies.

He may be secretive about where he is going. If he’s lying about something small like where he went last night, it could mean he’s hiding something bigger. For example, he might not want you to know what he was doing because he was with someone else — aka his ex.

Maybe he’s lying about something as trivial as how much money he spent on dinner. But again, why? Is there something else behind it?

The problem with lying is that it removes trust. He doesn’t tell you everything. He’s been keeping secrets from you. And without trust, you find it difficult to create an open and secure relationship.

13) You know she wants him back
Maybe she was blunt enough to tell you that, maybe she heard it from someone else, or maybe it was just an obvious reflection from her behavior.

She wants him back, and she puts on a play for him. Obviously, that doesn’t mean he’s going to dump her and give her what she wants.

But if she wants him back and he’s giving her hope — by continuing to talk to her or hanging out with her — then you need to ask what his motives are for it.

Is he open to getting back together with her? Or is he just letting his ego get flattered?

The sad truth is that the chance of cheating is often cited as one of the main reasons men decide to have relationships.

As the father notes:

“Men are more likely to cheat casually and opportunistically, which plays a large role in why they get caught. Infidelity, for some men, is evidence of recklessness.”

There’s no denying that for some gamers, being served something on a plate makes them more likely to stray.

14) They only recently broke up
It takes time to get over someone. The less time has passed since he broke up with her and then met you, the less likely he is to have enough space to heal and move on.

Some guys jump into something new right away to avoid dealing with the heartbreak of a breakup. But their lives are still intertwined with their ex-wives and they are not over it.

It may take time for you to slowly realize that you are a rebound or “the other woman”.

He may swear he’s over it, but as time goes on he starts getting closer to his ex and she starts to suspect there is some serious unfinished business between them.

I mentioned Relationship Hero earlier, it’s a site that has helped thousands of people get their relationships back on track.

And if you’re worried he’s cheating on his ex and you’re nothing more than a rebound, the coaches there can help you recognize the signs first, and second, work through them.

Don’t struggle through this alone – help is available, you just need to take the first step.

15) He has lost interest in sex
How do you know he is secretly cheating on you? Many women whose partners are having an affair notice a change in the bedroom.

He may seem less interested in sex. He may make excuses as to why he doesn’t want to be intimate. Physical affection can slowly dry up.

And when you try to talk to him about it, he either ignores your concerns or gets angry.

This is not always a clear indication that he is seeing someone else. Sometimes it is just a side effect of being in a long term relationship.

However, if he suddenly loses interest in sex, it may be worth checking if there is another reason. Especially when his ex returns to the scene.

16) He became irritable and short-tempered.
Relationships aren’t always a bed of roses and real-life stressors can create tension in the home every now and then.

If he’s dealing with stress, a little mood swing isn’t fishy. But if there is no apparent reason for this, or it happens often, then this is a bad sign in any relationship.

Some men, when they cheat, seek to push you away by acting in an angry manner. It is not always conscious.

It may not mean cheating, but it definitely indicates tension in the relationship.

17) He refuses to talk about it
As much as he always talks about his ex, it’s also suspicious when he refuses to talk to her at all.

Both of these extremes suggest unresolved feelings.

If he still sees it but avoids discussing it altogether, it might be because he’s keeping something about you. If he says “this is private,” then he could have something to hide.

Most guys don’t want to casually talk about their ex with their new girl. Especially if he is not in contact with her. He may prefer to keep his distance.

But mentioning it shouldn’t be a big deal. If he didn’t even acknowledge its existence, that was definitely weird.

You may ask yourself why he is so secretive. Is this because she is a threat to his current relationship?

18) He prioritizes her
The rules are simple. Your current partner comes before your ex. They should be your primary concern, and if they aren’t, something gives.

You have to ask yourself if he prioritizes her over you.

If he’s been spending time with her and neglecting you, that’s a huge flashing warning sign that you should pay attention to ASAP. Even defending her constantly can feel like a betrayal.

It doesn’t matter if they are “just friends”. If he goes jogging whenever you call it’s okay to put up with him.