Red flags are that nagging feeling we have in our gut that tells us that something isn’t quite right.
Some are subtle, others are more obvious. Either way, we must ignore them at our peril.
But what kind of behaviors are red flags in a guy?
This article will share a comprehensive list of things to look out for.
1) He refers to you as “friends”
Unfortunately, not everyone will be upfront and direct about what they want from you.
This means we need to read between the lines and pick up on those signals that don’t look right.
One of those is that he refers to you as “friends.”
Maybe you’ve been hooking up for a long time or dating several nights a week for a couple of months. Yet he still classifies you as friends.
While relationship status need not be determined immediately, “friends” can be dangerously close to friends with benefits status.
So it’s always better to clarify.
2) He says he is not looking for anything serious at the moment
Of course, it all depends on what you’re looking for. But if you’re hoping things will turn out, never ignore this red flag.
And believe it or not, many of us do.
We silently and secretly wish that he would change his mind, that his feelings would grow, and that we would be cool enough to convince him otherwise.
But we are only delaying and exaggerating the heartache we will experience later.
Bottom line: if he tells you he’s “not ready for a relationship” and is “just looking for something casual” please believe him.
3) Don’t plan ahead
Last minute guys are all about the low investment.
Nobody wants to come on strong. But there is a certain amount of effort we put in when we’re engaged to someone and we have real intentions.
As a general rule, the more in advance he plans with you, the more careful he will be.
That’s why last-minute calls and late-night hangouts scream minuscule commitment.
If you’re dating, you can reasonably expect notice of when you’ll meet each other.
4) He doesn’t ask you any questions or care more deeply about you
In the early days of contact, it can be a lot of fun to focus on the shivers. Having a good time can be enough.
But for a relationship to thrive, you have to go deeper.
This means that you should take a genuine interest in each other’s lives.
He should want to know what makes you tick, what you’re passionate about, and what your biggest values and beliefs are.
If he doesn’t make any effort to discover these things, it can cause trouble for building anything beyond the ordinary stuff.
5) Hot and cold puffs
The truth is, people don’t always know how they feel. That can cause some mixed messages.
One day he is alert and shows interest, but the next day it is gone.
This does not mean that he does not care, but it does raise serious questions about the strength of his interest.
He’s definitely not 100% involved, and you shouldn’t ignore that and hope that his feelings for you will definitely grow.
But as with many of the red flags on our list, this doesn’t automatically mean you should cut your losses and just run.
Real life and real relationships are never straightforward. It really depends on your unique circumstances.
That’s why you may also want to ask for some tips that take this into account.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice based on your life and experiences.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complex and difficult love situations, like many of the red flags on our list.
They don’t just listen, they give you practical, actionable advice on what to do next. You can connect with a certified relationship coach within minutes. Click here to get started.
6) He loves bombs
Have you ever heard of love bombing?
It’s when someone pulls out all the magic to win you over. They are both attentive and emotional.
The important thing is that it does not last. It is often a tactic that narcissists and abusers use to get you to fall in love with them.
Then once they build on you, they work on stripping you.
It can be hard to pinpoint why you don’t realize this until after the honeymoon phase has passed.
But there are signs:
Very strong coming
Feeling like it was all a whirlwind romance
Accelerate commitment and things move quickly
Shower you with gifts
Excessive compliments and praise
7) He has a reputation
I feel kind of mean to say this. Especially considering how often I preach about nonjudgment and giving people the benefit of the doubt.
But that old saying about there’s no smoke without fire is often true.
So when someone has a bad rep for being a gamer or a p*ckboy, it’s wise to proceed with caution.
People do change, but it also takes time. If he was only breaking hearts a couple of weeks ago, what are the odds that Tiger has changed places?
As we’ll explore more in the next point, our past can be a good indicator of our future…
8) He has a history of infidelity
Men who have a history of cheating on past partners are more likely to do so again in future relationships.
In fact, according to the research, they are three times more likely to do it again.
Of course, it’s not always the case of a one-time cheater. People can learn lessons and grow from it.
But don’t ignore the statistics.
Dig deeper and ask questions about his past behavior. Find out his values and beliefs about fidelity.
9) He never had a serious relationship
Why this red flag? Well, it’s not always, but it sure can be.
If the guy is petite, that’s probably normal.
But if he’s a grown man and never finds the desire to settle down, you might be dealing with a Peter Pan type of person. Or just as bad, he wasn’t able to make it work long enough.
Maybe I’m being unfair, but when I meet a guy who’s never been more than 3 months into dating, I wonder what’s wrong with them.
Relationships are hard work. It’s something we get better at through trial and error.
If he doesn’t have any hands-on experience in the field, you may have to be prepared to be more patient while he learns the ropes.
10) He often cancels you
Things come up, hey, it happens.
But there are only so many times you have to allow him to get you down before the alarm bells start ringing.
Life is about priorities, and if you get held back a lot, it tells you something about his life.
You can’t always top the list – but you shouldn’t fall to the bottom either.
It’s disrespectful if he has a habit of canceling or rescheduling your plans together.
11) His girlfriends are all “crazy”
Sirens begin to sound whenever she talks to a man who claims to have a “crazy ex”.
Is she really “crazy” or did your behavior drive her crazy?
Even if she’s the unstable one, you have to ask yourself what kind of guy would welcome that into his life.
The worst case scenario is that it makes sensible girls go crazy. The best case scenario is that he lacks judgment and boundaries.
Let’s be honest, none of this stuff is great!
12) He frowns when he doesn’t get what he wants
This may seem like a minor offense. But it needs to be addressed.
Cooling down and letting out the silent treatment is, after all, a form of passive aggression.
One that highlights shortcomings about connectivity.
Because the healthy and constructive way to deal with an issue with someone is to talk about it calmly and express how we feel.
Keeping things bottled up that he can’t talk about constructively can become detrimental to the relationship.
13) He never thinks he is wrong
I like a little bit of sentimentality in a man. I also love a man who supports himself. Confidence and self-esteem are undoubtedly sexy.
On the other hand, arrogance and stubbornness are certainly not.
If a guy thinks he can do nothing wrong, get ready for a difficult relationship, to say the least. Because it appears that he may have difficulty accepting personal responsibility and self-awareness.
Compromise is essential for healthy communication. We need to know when to hold back and when to say sorry.
But these are things he would be willing to do if he always thought he was right.
14) Being stuck in a lie
You may be tempted to overlook so-called white lies. But don’t be hasty.
Truth and trust are intertwined.
Even if you think he’s withholding things from you to spare your feelings, it can still hurt your relationship.
If he isn’t honest with you, it’s hard to foster open communication and mutual respect.
15) He is selfish in the bedroom
If a guy doesn’t care about your sexual pleasure, he’s saying something about him. Usually, the reason is that he is sexually immature.
That doesn’t mean it’s a deal-breaker.
But starting an honest conversation about sex and personal preferences can help you get on the same page.
It’s also a good way to test if he’s really interested. If he does, he will listen to what you have to say and will want to do things differently.
16) He’s not there for you
I always say that unspoken expectations cause a lot of problems in our relationships. But some expectations are perfectly reasonable.
You should expect the person you’re in a relationship with to have your back.
this means:
Provide emotional support
To be there when you need it most
They comfort you when you are sad or in pain
17) He told a lot of “jokes” at your expense
Masquerading as harassment is not acceptable.
See, I’m a huge fan of pranks. I know I apply it as often as I can take it. But there is a line.
Comments that make you feel hurt or humiliated are not acceptable.
Saying things that disparage your weight, appearance, intelligence, abilities, etc. will strip you of your confidence.
Comedy is no excuse for disrespect.
18) He is very needy and clingy
He feels guilty when you spend time with everyone else. Gets angry when you can’t answer the phone. He sends you multiple emails if he hasn’t heard from you in a while.
If you feel offended by his affection and attention, don’t take it too far.
It’s easy to convince yourself of that because he cares so much.
But neediness can quickly lead to more destructive behaviors like codependency or the next thing on our list…
19) He is jealous or even bossy
A little green-eyed monster is normal in relationships. Even experts suggest that it is just a natural consequence of grooming.
When we are attached to someone, we don’t want to lose them.
But the insecurities that lead to unhealthy jealousy will destroy your relationship.
We talk about things like:
I check on you constantly
Hate any attention you get from other men
Make unfounded accusations of fraud
20) He is manipulative or controlling
This is probably less of a red flag and more of a strong sign of a toxic situation or person.
Being pushy
Do not listen to your desires
Hide your feelings
Mind manipulation
Using guilt or blame against you
Try calling the shots
Dictate what you should and shouldn’t do
These kinds of things indicate controlling tendencies.
It can be masquerading as a “concern” for you or simply as “your best interests at heart”.
But if you feel pressured, cajoled, or bullied into things, that’s a huge warning sign.
In conclusion: What should you do when you notice red flags in a guy?
Whatever you do, don’t cover for them.
When something doesn’t feel right, listen to your instincts. You are not being silly, your gut feeling is that your subconscious mind is making informed judgments.
It is important to talk about any concerns you have. Reach out to him and see how he responds.
This can ease your mind or reinforce your intuition that he might not be the right guy for you.
