Have you noticed that your friends are responding to less calls and messages lately? Have you been wondering what’s up?
Well, maybe they aren’t. it’s you. If you’re the one who regularly spreads gossip, competes with them, or even manipulates them, why would they hang out with you?
But let’s dig deeper and see exactly what are the signs that you are the toxic person in your friendship group.
1) Seek attention and check in constantly
Insecure people are constantly asking their friends for validation or seeking attention. They whine and whine and call and text… it simply never ends.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have friends you can talk to and share your everyday mishaps and funny things that happened, as well as your victories.
But imagine you have a WhatsApp group with your friends. If you’re the one sending messages 90% of the time, something might be wrong with your friendship group dynamics.
This behavior can be draining for your friends because they feel like they have to constantly boost you.
Especially if you ask them to reaffirm your looks, actions, relationships, and so on.
2) Dominate the conversations
The same goes for dominant conversations. It is never a good idea for one friend to dominate the group.
Others will get tired of you sooner or later when they start to feel like the side characters in the group.
Therefore, if you tend to dominate conversations and direct them towards your experiences and interests without giving others a chance to participate, this can make your friends feel unheard and left out.
It can also make you very toxic. This behavior can also follow.
3) Gossip and spreading rumours
Gossip is fun. But if you gossip about others, there is a high chance that they will gossip about you behind your back as well.
Gossip and spreading rumors leads to a toxic environment within your friendship group. It undermines trust and causes unnecessary conflicts between friends.
I describe gossip as eating hot peppers. It’s incredible on the way in but horrifying on the way out!
4) Frequent criticism and belittling
I’ve written about constant criticism in many of my articles and how it can be incredibly harmful to relationships. No relationships.
Constantly criticizing and belittling your friends is emotionally damaging and damaging to their self-esteem. It is also something that creates a negative and hostile atmosphere in the group.
So, if you’re the one doing it, your friendship group will get smaller and smaller. You’ll notice that a friend or two often miss your meetings because they can’t stand being around you anymore.
Until the end, you will not have anyone answering your text messages or calls anymore.
5) Compete constantly
Viewing everything as a competition creates fat comparison and rivalry within the group.
For example, when someone in the group shares a personal struggle or difficult experience, you respond by sharing a more extreme or tragic incident.
I can already see them rolling their eyes as this makes your friends feel unheard or diminished.
If you can’t understand that everyone is on their own journey and not everything is a competition, there is little hope for you.
6) Create drama to get attention
Drama queens. Those two words sent shivers down my spine. When you hear them, what associations do you make in your mind?
Instability? absence of security? Self-centered? High maintenance? attention seeking?
You are the toxic friend in your group if you deliberately create drama or exaggerated situations to get attention and sympathy from your friends.
Playing the victim, refusing to take responsibility for your actions and blaming others instead, public emotional outbursts or meltdowns – they all create drama.
So does this next toxic behavior.
7) Jealousy, resentment and envy
Feeling envious or resentful of your friends’ successes or happiness also creates a toxic dynamic and leads to competition rather than true support.
Just because some of your friends are smarter, happier, prettier, etc., doesn’t mean you have to be jealous of them.
8) Manipulative behavior
A toxic friend maintains friendships based on what their friends can do for them rather than genuine care and connection.
If you use manipulation to get what you want from your friends, then not only are you toxic but also an awful friend and human being.
It hurts the trust and authenticity in your friendships, as people feel used or cheated. And rightly so.
9) Difficulty apologizing sincerely
Why is it so hard for some people to say they’re sorry? To admit that they were wrong.
Nobody is perfect. Do they think they are? It could be.
But if you struggle to sincerely apologize when you hurt someone’s feelings or when you did something wrong, it shows a lack of empathy on your part. It also leaves your friends feeling left out and ignored.
As do this next sign of toxicity.
10) Poor active listening
If there’s one thing that’s important to maintaining friendships besides consistency, it’s actively listening to them.
If you struggle to listen to your friends’ concerns and feelings with the care and respect they deserve, they will feel heroized and unappreciated as friends.
When you actively listen, you also begin to remember the little details they share with you. This means that you can even surprise them with a thoughtful gift or message the next time you see them. or on their birthday.
11) Anticipate your fears
Another sign of toxicity is projecting your fears onto your friends, expecting them to meet your emotional needs without thinking about their own struggles.
For example, you misinterpret your friends’ actions or words, assuming that they are criticizing or judging you, even when they have no such intentions.
Or if you repeatedly apologize, even for small things, showing your fear of making mistakes or your dislike of your friends.
12) Excessive pessimism and negativity
Just as some people project their fears onto their friends, others spoil the mood of the whole group with their excessive pessimism and negativity.
It’s okay to be negative sometimes, but dwelling too often on all the negative things that happen isn’t fair to anyone, let alone you.
Yes you.
You can always find terrible things happening around you. But hanging out with your friends should be an escape from reality.
Unless you want to focus on finding solutions instead of always talking about problems, you should focus on the more positive aspects of life.
This leads to a breakdown in communication because you have hidden the intended message behind sarcasm or veiled anger. Friends on the receiving end feel hurt, frustrated, or unsure how to respond.
This, in turn, leads to an unhealthy cycle of passive aggressive behavior.
14) Breaking promises and breach of trust
Breaking promises and betraying your friends’ trust is another form of toxic behavior that results in long-term damage to the friendship, making it difficult to rebuild trust.
Of course this is the result, right?
If you can’t trust your friends and family, who else can you trust? So please do not break this sacred bond because, more often than not, there will be no turning back. All bridges will be burned.
I know so many people who have cut off all communication with their friends because of one wrong move from any side.
In the heat of the moment, they let 10, 15, or 20 years of friendship go to waste. It’s a truly shocking (and frustrating) sight.
15) Frequently canceling plans or breaking commitments
Finally, if you frequently cancel plans or break commitments, you’re frustrating and hurting your friends in more ways than one. As with all toxic behaviors on this list, you make them feel unimportant or valued.
I always think of the golden rule – treat others the way you want them to treat you. Simply.
If you need to cancel something they’ve been looking forward to for days or weeks, compensate them tenfold.
