People need to have a healthy level of self-esteem, but narcissism occurs when a person has too much of a good thing. Narcissists have an inflated sense of ego that causes them to feel and act like they are better than the people around them. This trait can be annoying when you see it in co-workers, acquaintances, or that annoying guy at the bar.
However, narcissism can be even more harmful when it is a personality trait of someone close to you because it often leads to emotional abuse. One of the keys to overcoming narcissistic abuse is learning the tactics these individuals use to control the relationship.
In this article, we will discuss recovery from narcissistic abuse and the rule of seven.
Why do narcissists play mind games
Being a narcissist is harder than it might sound. Most people understand that no one is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes, and this knowledge can be reassuring whenever we make a mistake. However, narcissists cannot accept that they did something wrong or that something is their fault because they would admit that they are not perfect.
To avoid this, narcissists will go through amazing mental exercises to blame someone else for any situation. For narcissists in a relationship, the people closest to them are the usual scapegoats for any trouble.
Victims of narcissistic abuse suffer in a relationship because one partner uses the other as a tool to boost their ego. This abuse can lead to feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness in the person who always takes the blame for the problems in the relationship. Any relationship that makes someone feel bad about themselves is not healthy for anyone in the relationship.
The victim is robbed of their self-esteem and the emotional support they should get from the relationship.
And the narcissistic member of the relationship rejects any opportunity for self-improvement or an opportunity to address the real issues that the spouse needs to confront.
How narcissists use confusion to impress others
Victims of narcissistic abuse experience mental conditioning that can make them feel like they are losing their grip on reality. Gaslighting is a common tactic that narcissistic abusers use to confuse their partners or other people in their inner circle. Gaslighting occurs when someone tries to confuse another party about a situation by insisting that the other person is wrong about the facts.
This trick can be used for something simple, like who was the last person to use something that is now missing. It can also be used to confuse a partner about major financial or relationship issues. Narcissistic members of the relationship may use gaslighting to convince their partner that there is less money in the bank account than they thought, or that the obvious signs of a relationship are not what they seem.
It’s like Shaggy’s “Wasn’t Me” from 2000, where a person who has been clearly caught in an affair responds to every piece of evidence by saying, “It wasn’t me.” It’s a funny song, but a sad truth for people caught in a narcissistic, abusive relationship. When someone keeps telling them that high is low, or that left is right, it is easy for victims to feel crazy.
How narcissists use the rule of seven
Convincing someone to ignore the truth is not easy, which is why narcissists often use the rule of seven to their advantage. In general, the rule of seven is a marketing concept. It is said that consumers need to hear the marketer’s message seven times before the information begins to appear, and the consumer takes action.
Narcissists can similarly use repetition to persuade others to share their views on an issue. They know that as long as they agree with their answers, their target will start believing them too, even if their information is completely wrong and unjustified.
Most people will start to ask themselves a little bit if the frequency is consistent. When they encounter a narcissist, most people in a relationship will begin to doubt themselves before the narcissist admits they are wrong. It makes sense that narcissists would use an influence tactic to impress their partner. But unlike the marketer’s product which is probably useful in most cases, narcissists sell a version of themselves that is not based in reality.
How to overcome narcissistic abuse
Narcissistic abuse is based on self-doubt and prevents the other party from obtaining independent verification of the facts. The first step to overcoming these abusive tactics is to learn to believe in yourself again.
Narcissists rely on self-doubt as a starting point for changing their target’s belief system. Do whatever it takes to strengthen your belief in the truths you see for yourself. For example, use your phone to take a picture of important receipts or to take notes when certain events occur. This way, when the narcissist tries to deny things a month or two later, you have something concrete that you can use to prove to yourself that you remember things accurately.
Unfortunately, not all the evidence in the world will convince some narcissists to admit they’re wrong, but at least you can prove to yourself that you’re not wrong.
It is also important for victims of narcissistic abuse to stay in touch with their friends and family. Friends and family can help spot narcissistic abuse by acting as an independent source of verification. If you talk to friends and family members about the problems in your relationship, they can remind you of what you said when the abuser tries to confuse you with another version of events.
Perpetrators of physical and emotional abuse rely on isolation to keep their victims away from the help they need. It sucks when the only person you talk to is someone who will do whatever it takes to avoid admitting their flaws. It is only a matter of time before constant confusion and self-doubt lead to low self-esteem.
Victims also need to make it clear that they know what the other party is doing and that they will not accept it as part of the relationship. You need to make it clear that you are getting away from a bad relationship rather than staying with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself.
It can be difficult to summon up the courage to end a relationship. And it gets more difficult the longer they stay together and if their lives become intertwined. However, no one should spend their life on the pedestal to boost a narcissist’s self-esteem.
If you don’t stand up for yourself or let the narcissist know that such behavior is unacceptable, they will continue to use you as their emotional punching bag.
