Do you wonder what to expect when a narcissist learns that you love him or her? Maybe consider taking it out to people they know?
What could be more vindicating than letting a narcissist know you’ve discovered them? To be in their game and you wouldn’t take it anymore?
We’re sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but here’s a little secret: it just won’t turn out the way you want it to.
When a narcissist knows you know, they exude manipulative behaviors. The narcissist will not cower in shame or finally see the light of reason. They will never let you have closure because their entire personality depends on you having the upper hand in every interaction.
When the narcissist knows you’re dealing with him, things go from bad to hell before you can even process what’s going on – but that’s exactly the narcissist’s strategy.
What happens when a narcissist knows you are dreaming about them?
If you are committed to shaming a narcissist, please read the list below before continuing. In many cases, shaming a narcissist can backfire and make things worse for you.
Does this mean that you have to put up with their abuse? of course not.
However, you should weigh the pros and cons of telling them you’ve discovered them.
Narcissists know the word “regressive.” When a narcissist knows you love them, they dial all of their toxic and abusive traits up to 10 and go into Samson mode of complete self-destruction.
Plan your exit strategy first and then decide if it’s worth it because the narcissistic rage you’ve never experienced is coming.
1 – Gas lighting
The narcissist’s specialty: gaslighting. When you start exposing the narcissist, they will do everything they can to convince you that you are wrong.
“You’re remembering things incorrectly. That’s not what happened. You’re crazy!”
Gaslighting is their specialty as the first line of defense. It is much easier to use lies and manipulation to convince you that you are wrong than to actually admit their abusive behavior.
2 – baiting
Narcissists rely on something called trauma bonding to keep you hooked. When a narcissist knows you love them, they will immediately lure you into a fight with blistering insults at your character.
The goal is to get you up. For narcissists, yelling, screaming, and crying are all signs that you still care about them.
Don’t fall for it. The best thing you can do is remain emotionless.
3 – Fear and manipulation
Keep in mind that the narcissist has spent months or years destroying your identity. They know more about you than you do about yourself.
“You will not find a person like me, and you will not die alone.”
“How can you do that after all I’ve done for you?”
When you expose them, they will tap into your deepest fears, flaws, and guilt to break you down and manipulate you into submission.
4 – projection
What a fool! Can’t you see? They are not narcissistic, you are! (Or they will try to convince you to do so).
Brace yourself because a narcissist will project all of their abusive traits, insecurities, and flaws onto you.
The narcissist knows that you are not like them. You feel normal feelings like guilt and compassion – they aren’t. They will pin the offense on you because they assume you will accept it and apologize.
5 – leveling
How can you call a narcissist a bad person when you too have done some terrible things?
Who are you to assess a narcissist’s abusive behavior? You are not a psychologist. What gives you the right?
When a narcissist knows you love them, they will resort to something called compromise to lower their bar.
They will attack your past integrity and shortcomings to make their abuse seem normal and make you think you have no reason to stand for it.
6 – Devaluation of the currency
Narcissists always resort to devaluation during a relationship but when the narcissist knows you’ve discovered them, the glove pops.
Expect every insult and insult in the book to be hurled at you in a bombardment of hate. Even if the narcissist has not been physically abusive before, now may be a time when physical violence appears.
Yes, it could get that bad.
7 – abuse
If you haven’t noticed yet, the narcissist is always the victim.
If you try to expose them, they will attack you for bringing up all their flaws after they had their “worst day” at work. They will blame their abusive behavior on a past relationship or a sad story about their upbringing (which probably isn’t even true).
Even if you think the situation is a clear case of the narcissist hurting you and doing something wrong, they will miraculously wriggle into victim mode.
8 – extortion
Get ready to experience a level of revenge like you never imagined—especially if you expose the narcissist and refuse to break down after his initial outburst.
Narcissists are not at all above making you homeless, cleaning out your bank account, publicly posting intimate photos of you, intentionally wrecking your car, or denying access to your children to get what they want from you.
Actually, these are their specialties.
9- Smudge your personality
If you advertise to expose the narcissist to gain the upper hand, be prepared for massive damage control because the narcissist is an expert at ruining your name.
They will tell blatant lies about you to all of your friends and even your family. If they see a therapist (usually as a formality, to validate something, or to “prove” something to you), they won’t do anything but talk about you.
These extreme reactions (such as shaming and blackmail) are why you should rethink your idea of exposing a narcissist.
10 – renunciation
Then again, when the narcissist knows you love them, they may decide that you aren’t worth the effort anymore.
They will simply ignore you when you bring them up, spread lies about you, and find a new source.
What do you do when a narcissist knows you are one of them
When a narcissist realizes you’re done, they’ll gaslight you every chance they get in their efforts to bring you back to the dark side. Don’t let them. They may threaten to harm themselves to get back at you; There is no telling what will happen due to their utter lack of empathy and remorse.
It is highly recommended that you seek help as soon as possible, it may save your mind. You have to stay honest and calm because they will use every trick in the book to make you think you are wrong and try to get a response from you.
Now is the time to hang on to your support system for dear life because you will need them because the narcissist is falling apart.
When the narcissist knows you’ve discovered them, it’s your earnestness to leave and never look back. No contact at this point is crucial because the high level of abuse will not abate.
Is exposing a narcissist worth it?
Consider this: They’ll never let you have closure, so get that idea out of your head. Exposing them or telling them you are committed to them accomplishes nothing but giving the narcissist a chance to hook you up again with an emotional fight.
Unfortunately, this is the best case scenario. In the worst cases, they can turn violent and extremely vindictive. This is why it’s usually not worth the brief impulse to call out a narcissist.
How does a narcissist react when they realize you no longer care?
When they realize that you no longer care, the narcissist will turn your family and friends against you, especially if they realize the relationship is falling apart. It is essential for those in this type of situation, where it can be difficult to leave because of the narcissist’s control over them, that they take steps towards getting help before things get worse – either by seeking professional advice or simply talking about what needs to be dealt with with someone who can. Provide honest feedback without being emotionally invested one way or the other.
What happens when a narcissist is exposed?
Shaming a narcissist can have dramatic, even dangerous, implications. Aside from this, narcissists have an almost uncanny ability to respond to your stories in a way that makes you appear unstable. This is especially true when trying to warn the new show about who the narcissist really is. While this may be fine in rare cases, it usually backfires in such a devastating way that it takes months or years to recover from it.
How to begin the recovery stages after narcissistic abuse
Imagine how powerful it is to know how to deal with narcissists and stand up against their horrific behavior.
Can you imagine how it will feel when you get your life back?
This is the outcome I love to help people achieve…to be free to have a happy, fulfilling life without being confused and hindered by the narcissist’s games.
If you want to regain your clarity and life again, no matter what you’ve been through, or if you’re simply tired of living a terrifying version of Groundhog Day, then join me and other wonderful pioneers in my therapist-certified program for recovery from narcissistic abuse. You will learn real-life ways to develop new, empowering habits that heal–backed by psychology and neuroscience.
This care program includes a wonderful private community that helps and supports all people breaking up and recovering from narcissistic abuse, regardless of who the narcissist is (eg family member, spouse, partner, friend, etc.) and regardless of the circumstances involved.
