La fin de la relation est enfin là. Au moins, vous pensiez qu’il était enfin là. Vous vous demandez ce que fait le narcissique à la fin de la relation. Vous ne voulez pas être choqué… encore.
Vous avez peut-être été dans le cycle du narcissisme pendant de nombreuses années, mais vous êtes enfin prêt à passer à autre chose. Je suis fatigué du même drame, des abus et des troubles. Vous avez décidé que vous méritiez mieux.
Alors, que se passe-t-il ensuite ? Le chaos est-il enfin terminé ? Est-ce aussi simple que de réduire vos pertes et de partir ? Il y a de fortes chances que vous saviez probablement que ce ne serait pas une transition en douceur, mais à quoi vous attendez-vous ?
Plongeons dans sept choses auxquelles vous devriez vous attendre…
1 – Drowning you with love bombs
But we are perfect together!
You are the most amazing person I have ever met. I don’t know what I would do without you.
I am a better person because of you.
On a basic level, love bombs feel good. Everyone loves feeling adored and special. Receiving compliments is a good thing, which is why narcissists can and will take advantage of them when they need to regain their sense of power and control.
Unfortunately, they don’t bring home roses or chocolates because they want to work on the relationship. They don’t tell you you’re beautiful because they want you to feel special and loved.
Instead, love bombs are about taking you back to their world. The compliments are contrived, and “Acts of Kind Loving” are all about showing you why you can’t live without them.
2- Carrying guilt
You made a promise when you married me!
Why are you doing this to our children?
After attempts at love bombing, most narcissists quickly resort to the guilt-tripping tactic. Of course, they already know your starting points. They know the areas that inherently trigger sadness, shame, or fear in you.
Most of the time, these threats are hollow. But it can still be intimidating, especially if the narcissist has a history of reckless behavior. They may also try to get others to condemn you, such as your mutual friends, family, or even your children.
Although narcissists don’t feel guilty themselves, they know that you do. Therefore, at the end of the relationship, they will try to harness these feelings to make you rethink your decision.
3 – Trying to convince you that you are wrong
At the end of the relationship, the narcissist will go to great lengths to try and shed light on your reality. They will spend a great deal of energy talking about all the wonderful memories you shared. Sometimes this technique will lead to a cheerful recall of the happy times you both had.
They may also try to convince you that you are unlovable or damaged without them. At times, this manipulation is blatant. Other times it’s more subtle and it can sound like, do you want to start dating again at this age?
It’s easy to get overwhelmed when this happens. On the other hand, you know it’s time to move on. On the other hand, narcissists can do an excellent job of convincing you that you are overreacting.
4- Making many empty promises
I promise I will get help this time. You were right all along.
I think we just need a cure. Let’s give it a try.
I know you want to have a baby. I think I’m ready.
At first, you will want to believe these promises. You may have been hoping for this change for a long time. If so, you want to give the narcissist the benefit of the doubt.
Take care. Most narcissists are not interested in change. They don’t care about your needs. They focus on self-preservation.
They know what you want from them. And they will dangle that empty promise like a carrot, waiting to be picked. In some cases, they may spend a few weeks or months working towards making a change.
Don’t expect these results to last forever. The moment a narcissist no longer needs to prove his worth to you, he will fall back into his old ways.
5 – punish you
If you ignore love bombs, leave out promises, and stick with your plan, get ready for a brutal attack. At this point, you have threatened the narcissist’s ego. For them, this is a call to action.
Narcissists can punish you in many different ways, including:
Your smearing to your friends and family.
Draw long legal battles, especially if children are involved.
Pursuit of every cent or common asset you two have.
Calling you names or criticizing you.
Threat to your physical safety (if this is the case, contact support immediately).
completely ignored you.
These efforts to punish you come from the narcissist’s self-perception. They cannot understand why they left them. They also couldn’t understand why they weren’t given another chance. For narcissists, confusion tends to feel like anger. Anger tends to want to hurt others.
1 – Drowning you with love bombs
But we are perfect together!
You are the most amazing person I have ever met. I don’t know what I would do without you.
I am a better person because of you.
On a basic level, love bombs feel good. Everyone loves feeling adored and special. Receiving compliments is a good thing, which is why narcissists can and will take advantage of them when they need to regain their sense of power and control.
Unfortunately, they don’t bring home roses or chocolates because they want to work on the relationship. They don’t tell you you’re beautiful because they want you to feel special and loved.
Instead, love bombs are about taking you back to their world. The compliments are contrived, and “Acts of Kind Loving” are all about showing you why you can’t live without them.
2- Carrying guilt
You made a promise when you married me!
Why are you doing this to our children?
After attempts at love bombing, most narcissists quickly resort to the guilt-tripping tactic. Of course, they already know your starting points. They know the areas that inherently trigger sadness, shame, or fear in you.
Most of the time, these threats are hollow. But it can still be intimidating, especially if the narcissist has a history of reckless behavior. They may also try to get others to condemn you, such as your mutual friends, family, or even your children.
Although narcissists don’t feel guilty themselves, they know that you do. Therefore, at the end of the relationship, they will try to harness these feelings to make you rethink your decision.
3 – Trying to convince you that you are wrong
At the end of the relationship, the narcissist will go to great lengths to try and shed light on your reality. They will spend a great deal of energy talking about all the wonderful memories you shared. Sometimes this technique will lead to a cheerful recall of the happy times you both had.
They may also try to convince you that you are unlovable or damaged without them. At times, this manipulation is blatant. Other times it’s more subtle and it can sound like, do you want to start dating again at this age?
It’s easy to get overwhelmed when this happens. On the other hand, you know it’s time to move on. On the other hand, narcissists can do an excellent job of convincing you that you are overreacting.
4- Making many empty promises
I promise I will get help this time. You were right all along.
I think we just need a cure. Let’s give it a try.
I know you want to have a baby. I think I’m ready.
At first, you will want to believe these promises. You may have been hoping for this change for a long time. If so, you want to give the narcissist the benefit of the doubt.
Take care. Most narcissists are not interested in change. They don’t care about your needs. They focus on self-preservation.
They know what you want from them. And they will dangle that empty promise like a carrot, waiting to be picked. In some cases, they may spend a few weeks or months working towards making a change.
Don’t expect these results to last forever. The moment a narcissist no longer needs to prove his worth to you, he will fall back into his old ways.
5 – punish you
If you ignore love bombs, leave out promises, and stick with your plan, get ready for a brutal attack. At this point, you have threatened the narcissist’s ego. For them, this is a call to action.
Narcissists can punish you in many different ways, including:
Your smearing to your friends and family.
Draw long legal battles, especially if children are involved.
Pursuit of every cent or common asset you two have.
Calling you names or criticizing you.
Threat to your physical safety (if this is the case, contact support immediately).
completely ignored you.
These efforts to punish you come from the narcissist’s self-perception. They cannot understand why they left them. They also couldn’t understand why they weren’t given another chance. For narcissists, confusion tends to feel like anger. Anger tends to want to hurt others.
