If you’ve watched any recent movies or TV shows, you can see how zombies don’t come in a one-size-fits-all fashion.

Zombieland: Double Tap, the 2019 second installment in the Zombieland comic series, introduced different strains of zombies to the mainstream. And while zombies may provide some much-needed entertainment value, the survival strategies can feel all too familiar.

Because just like zombies, there are different breeds of narcissists. Likewise, some of them use the same breath-sucking techniques that zombies use during the apocalypse. With that said, perhaps some of the following descriptions will ring a bell for you.

Narcissistic Homer

Chances are, you’ve watched The Simpsons at some point during your life. We all know Homer Simpson as the classic and beloved fictional character, well known for his low IQs and perpetual clumsiness.

Just like Homer Simpson, these narcissists tend to be slow, stupid, and embarrassing to everyone around them. They are a stark contrast to the narcissistic smooth-talking, elegant narcissist most people think of when they imagine narcissism.

Most of Homer’s narcissists end up failing spectacularly at all of their “grand plans”. They might think of a whole strategy – only to have it blow up in their face. These can be narcissists who have long paperwork of legal cases, gaps in employment, and weird relationship schedules, all because they can’t get their priorities right.

Classic narcissists do exist, but some may be more destructive than they seem. Some narcissists (like Homer) will try to use their ridiculous behavior to trick people into thinking they are dumber than they are.

Others will take advantage of their wit to lure people in, knowing that if they can make them laugh, they can dismiss even the meanest comments as “just a joke”. Of course, their jokes are not funny, and their sense of humor tends to age quickly.

Most of Homer’s narcissists try to make others feel sorry for them. For example, they may blame their laziness on some external factor. Or they may claim that they can’t get a better-paying job because no one will give them a good reference. In other words, they may quickly shift into the victim role to seek sympathy and attention.

Be careful with these narcissists. Even if they look sloppy (or even grainy), they do a lot of damage wherever they go. They don’t quite know how to plan for consequences and end up seriously hurting people to get what they want.

Narcissistic Hawking

Just like Stephen Hawking, these narcissists are very talented and intelligent. But unlike the gifted and world-renowned physicists, their motivations are not about improving the welfare of humanity.

Instead, Hawking’s narcissists thrive on their uncanny ability to solve problems and use their wits to get what they want. They share similar traits to sociopaths and often play powerful roles in medicine, academics, politics, law, and business. Ironically, some of them may enter helping professions, such as therapy or social work. The title itself does not matter: Hawking’s narcissists want power and control, and they want to influence others with their intelligence.

To the rest of the world, they are pure geniuses. Hawking’s narcissists relish this attention, but they also expect it. After all, people have consolidated their intelligence from early childhood.

Once you get a little closer, you might realize that this guy always seems to be ten steps ahead of the game. They know how to prepare meticulously – if you think you’re getting carried away with something, they’ve already anticipated your ideas and strategized against them.

Sometimes Hawking’s narcissists will hire other people to do their dirty work for them. This is especially true if they hold powerful positions – they don’t want to deal with the repercussions should something happen. They will bribe, cajole, steal, and manipulate others as leverage.

In the most deceitful cases, Hawking’s narcissist knows all about narcissism and uses this information to their advantage. For example, they may read about the latest narcissism research and use those insights to strengthen their toxic identities.

Ninja narcissist

The ninja narcissist is sharp, fast, and accurate. Above all, they are sneaky in their tactics. Unfortunately, this type of manipulative narcissist often hits you long before you become aware of their behavior.

Ninja narcissists tend to be more secretive because they can come across as harmless and even cute. But, unfortunately, they rely on countless gaslighting techniques to manipulate their victims.

For example, let’s say you just started working at your dream job. A ninja narcissist may list various reasons for not liking your boss, and they will emphatically affirm your sincerity if you ever complain about work. At first, it may seem that they only want to support your best interests. But if you dig a little deeper, you may realize that their real motive is to cut you off.

Ninja narcissists take care of themselves, even if it seems like they’re trying to get out of everyone else’s way. They may be more insecure or socially awkward than other narcissists, but their motivations are always completely self-centered.

Ninja narcissists are skilled at making people second guess themselves. Oftentimes, this happens because they are indirect and passive-aggressive in expressing their needs. They love to confuse people, and they also enjoy turning on and off different moods every day. With Ninja, you never know what the store has in store for you. But their goal is clear: get ahead and not make a fuss about it.

Narcissist T-800

Named after the infamous Terminator, the narcissistic T-800 refers to a narcissist who won’t quit. It seemed like they could live thousands of lives and survive any setback without much recourse. There’s no amount of smudging, scraping, or other practical disasters ruining it—if anything, it just seems to grow stronger from these snags.

Being in any form of relationship with a T-800 narcissist can feel overwhelming. They just seem indestructible, no matter what life you throw at them. And because they aren’t fazed by the prospect of failure (since they’ve been stared in the face so many times), they aren’t afraid to put it all on the table.

T-800 narcissists can hide anywhere, but many of them also occupy important positions of power. Some of them are celebrities, so “bad news” is good news. They are strong, and they know it.

T-800 narcissists can be dangerous because they are relentless in going after what they want. If you don’t talk to them for a day, they might blow up your phone or chase you into work. Even legal issues may not dissuade them. After all, they are resilient. They just assume that they will deal with the repercussions when they inevitably arise.

Can narcissists change breeds?

Some narcissists act differently with people depending on the context. For example, their narcissism may be more subtle in the workplace than it is at home. Or, the narcissist may be viewed by the larger community as an excellent member of society, but their partner knows otherwise.

Narcissists can and do hide parts of their personality. Most of them are smart enough to know what is permissible in most contexts. They will be happy to do something to gain the approval of others.

Some narcissists become more skilled in their efforts as time goes on. For example, they may appear bumbling and stupid at first (like the narcissistic Homer), but with dedication, they may display more Hawking-like traits.

Keep in mind that the exact breed is largely irrelevant. If you are asking yourself which is more dangerous or toxic, it doesn’t matter. All strains of narcissists are dangerous to your physical and emotional health, and they can all cause permanent damage to your life.

Humans are malleable creatures, and narcissists rarely fall into one category, but if you constantly feel disrespected, belittled, or insecure around someone, these are red flags. Try to avoid getting too caught up in focusing on the small details. Doing so may result in missing the full picture.

Can these narcissists become better people?

While anything is possible, the chances of a narcissist changing in the long term are very slim.

This is because most narcissists are more invested in maintaining their egos than they are in compromise, communication, or supporting loved ones. Because they have no empathy for others, most of their actions tend to be very self-centered.

It is not your job to change or fix the narcissist. Doing this task will likely lead to great frustration. If they’re really disappointed now, there’s a good chance this pattern will continue in the future.

Double click effect

Double tap is a well known shooting technique where someone fires two bullets in quick succession at the same target. When dealing with narcissists, you can also exert the double-tap effect.

In this case, the double tap consists of No Contact (or Extreme Modified Contact in the case of joint custody) and Blocking the Narcissist at the same time. With this approach, you are removing their toxic behavior and their impact on your life. You are choosing to build a new path to freedom.